“I Don’t Love Me”… Oh Yes You Do (Restoring Self-Esteem)
by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project
“You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength… Love your neighbor as yourself. No other commandment is greater than these.”
Mark 12:30-31 (NLT)
How do I love my neighbor… my brother… my children… if I don’t love myself?
The thing is, to not love, care, or have concern for yourself would mean that you are indifferent and completely and purely unmotivated out of absolute selflessness to do or be anything. You need to let that marinate and soak in for a bit since on the surface it may not seem to make much sense.
Unmotivated to do what? It doesn’t matter. To deny yourself from an absolute disposition of selflessness without intentions of any kind would ultimately result in your death. What??? What could that possibly mean? To not love yourself would be to be indifferent to your own needs—to care not at all about anything or anyone, beginning with you. Nothing would be of importance to you or necessary in any way. You certainly wouldn’t want anything. I’ll say it again: if you did not love yourself or hold yourself in importance you would be unconditionally indifferent to your own needs.
You might starve. You might dehydrate. Why? Because if you do not care about yourself, no concern for you, why eat or drink? Why do anything? Why not do anything? Why go? Why stop? You would only sleep because you passed out from fatigue. Fatigue from what? From being alive at all, I suppose. There would be no incentive to get up nor to stay in bed. Why would you? Why would you be happy or sad or mad? Why would you be excited or bored? If you itched, why scratch? What would be the point? Why would you be interested? What do you care? Why would you care? You’re indifferent. To not love yourself is to not love at all. So Jesus said to love your neighbor as you love yourself. If your love for self is motivated by anger, resentment, bitterness, jealousy, betrayal, rejection, abandonment, hatred, vengeance, guilt and shame, etc., I suppose that’s pretty messed up.
A little confusing so far making sense of where this is going? Please bear with me because I believe this is critically important for so many who are hurting and struggling with the way they see themselves. I am suggesting that even though you might feel hatred toward yourself for choices you’ve made or how you have reacted to abuses perpetuated against you, 
that you do have positive regard for yourself motivating you to in some way improve your situation; even if the things you do prove to be destructive against you and others affected in the scope of your activity. Positive regard does not necessarily mean you emote positive feelings for yourself, it does mean that you are important enough to you to do whatever you have to do to “remedy” your discomfort; which may in the end result in increased discomfort and pain.
Even to say that you hate yourself is to admit that you care enough about yourself to hate yourself. And since concern, compassion, and passion fall under the love category, you really have to love yourself to hate yourself. Alright, so maybe that still doesn’t make a whole lot of sense so please continue.
I often have this discussion with clients since they have come to believe that they are addicted to alcohol and drugs and do what they do because they are self-destructive and need to love themselves again. Then I come along and suggest that they already do love themselves and that there is where the problem lies that lands them in prison time and time again.
“How can you suggest that I love myself when I can’t stop hurting myself and those I love and keep ending up in this place I hate?”
Surveys of folks in treatment tend to suggest that most have low self-esteem while indicating higher marks for risk-taking, justification, and rationalizing behavior. I am suggesting that low self-esteem would suggest lack of regard and consideration for one’s own needs but high marks in the other categories mentioned would suggest these prisoners go through a lot of trouble and difficulty attending to their own needs, breaking the law to overcome major obstacles getting in the way of what they believe they want, need, and deserve.
The results of these studies would also suggest that questions regarding self-esteem center around feelings of past abuse and neglect, feeling under- or unappreciated, issues with betrayal and rejection, lack or absence of healthy role models, and so on. If survey questions for self-esteem indicators were measuring attention to one’s own wants and needs and the effort that goes into securing them, the indications for self-esteem would rate much higher.
This question brings us back to the problem of self-centered entitlement. What motivates someone to continue taking risks? Why use drugs and alcohol? Why medicate pain? What break the law? Why forsake loved ones in desperate search for a remedy? What compels a person to do anything, say anything, or go anywhere? What is the motivation?
The motivation is love for self. Wants and needs instinctively evoke emotions that stimulate motivation and intention. All desire comes from a place of self-love. Whether the desire is righteous or unrighteous is beside the point. Desire is always rooted in self-love constantly feeding into a core belief of entitlement.
We all get high—gratified—in our own way. Maybe the high is chemically induced. Maybe the high comes from a cold drink of water or beverage of some kind when my throat is parched. The gratification can come from a meal to satisfy my empty stomach. Maybe the high comes from saying something to you that provokes something nice that you say back to me. Maybe it comes when I say something to you because I am angry and it needed to be said. Maybe the high comes when I experience relief from weariness or pain. You get the idea.
Drug addicts, including alcoholics, often admit that they use because it replaces something that is missing; it’s filling a void of some kind. Addicts will often speak of a history of adversity in their lives; memories perhaps of a tortured past. Most of my clients come from a history of abuse and neglect and grew up to model what they witnessed and experienced. Addicts turned to drugs from a place of really poor self-esteem. People who have ventured in and out of abusive destructive sexual relationships may not feel like they are worth anything at all. They all may have come to not like themselves very much but… that’s right… they in fact have love for themselves. It is love that is sick and selfish and destructive but love nonetheless.
Esteem is defined as “favorable regard… respect… consideration…” Poor or low self-esteem would suggest poor or low regard for self; a lack of self-respect; a lack of consideration for self or one’s well-being. I am not attempting to debunk the whole idea of what self-esteem is or isn’t. I might, however, be suggesting a paradigm shift in how self-esteem is discussed clinically and in general.
We all do what we do in pursuit of something better than what we have and what we are. If what we have are feelings of physiological deprivation, we will seek a remedy to feel better. If we are feeling psychologically deprived and emotionally wanting and needy, we will seek a remedy to feel better. The need for remedy and gratification is not partial or respective of anyone. We are all addicts of pleasure and relief. It is in our nature to protect our innermost self to survive.
Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. James 1:14-15 (NLT)
If I am wounded I need and want healing. If I hurt I need and want relief from the pain. If I am tired I need and want relief from fatigue and weariness by way of relaxation and sleep. If I am anxious I need and want comfort from my anxiety. If I am immobilized by the pain of guilt and shame, then I need to escape the pain. My methods might be painful and destructive to myself and others but make no mistake; I was motivated by my need for something better than what I have and where I am at. And I care enough about myself to be about doing something about it.
The addict, the codependent, the approval seeker, the loner (isolated), the self-protector (insulated), the aggressor, the passivist, the ambitious, the greedy, the fearful, the anorexic, the bulimic, the compulsive eater, the compulsive liar, the victim, the villain, the wounded, the burdened, the lover, the hater, the giver, the taker… despite their differences, all have love for themselves and engage in thinking and behavior that reflect the regard they have for themselves. They each seek gratification of some form on some scale.
The behavioral distinctions between healthy love and sick love (otherwise known as hate) can be found in the following Scripture:
When you follow the desires of your sinful nature—motivated by sick self love—the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these… But the Holy Spirit—who inspires healthy self love—produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control… Galatians 5:19-23 (NLT)
Healthy love produces fruit while sick love produces sin, and sin when full grown gives birth to death. When we talk about sick love for one self, even the feeling of sick love is dark and ugly. Self hatred is the effect of sick love for one self. Whether this is for you or someone you know that is lost in self-destructive thinking and behavior, this matter of sick love versus healthy love of self is of crucial importance and could be a matter of life or death.
Beyond addiction and morally dysfunctional relationship nightmares is the very real problem of suicidal thinking and behavior. The notion that suicide is the ultimate act of morbid self hatred and disgust can be more fully realized in the light of self hatred produced by sick love of self. If it can be communicated to someone in danger of harming them self that perhaps he or she really does care and have concern even for him or her self, and that despite one’s denial of this truth, suicide is actually the desperate act of love, a very sick love for him or her self, maybe… just maybe… the person can be convinced that with help sick love can be converted into healthy love for self. Maybe there’s a chance to fend off a desperate act full of the uncertainty that lurks on the other side of such a desperate act of sick love. Escape from one thing through death might feel certain but escape from a thing is to enter in to something else far less certain; a frightful mystery.
So what really is important to having a healthy love of self?
Important to a healthy love of self is first extending the invitation to Perfect Love to be intimately involved in your life? It is the Spirit of the Living God in the person of Jesus Christ who is Perfect Love. It isn’t merely what He represents or what He can give to your life. He is Perfect Love.
7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. 8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
9 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. 10 This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. 12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.
13 And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. 14 Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. 16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.
God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.
18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other because he loved us first. 1 John 4:7-18 (NLT)
It is in relationship with Christ that we experience healthy love alive in our being. Please believe me when I say that it is not about being religious. Not at all. It’s about knowing Jesus who is Perfect Love. Healthy love is such a precious commodity these days when we are surrounded by such a prevalent culture of sick dysfunctional love.
If you or someone you know is struggling with this today, please share with them the evident truth laid out in this article. It is important to remove the stain of self-hatred and the notion that self hatred need be medicated by remedies that altogether destroy lives. Let it be said that self hatred is sick love and self pity feeding into misdirected misery by way of potions that do no more than to promote even greater misery. It serves no purpose other than increasing your pain and dissatisfaction. If you didn’t care about yourself you would be indifferent toward your inner self at the core and you’re not indifferent. No one is.
“I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference. Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends. Those who are victorious will sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne.” Revelation 3:19-21 (NLT)
“Huh? I thought you said no one is indifferent but then here is this passage from Revelation and Jesus is saying to turn from your indifference.” Jesus is addressing a kind of indifference we might have when it comes to the commands and promises of God in relationship with Him. Because of pride and insecurities, I might not invest much into the life that God has for me. That might be turning a blind eye of indifference should I not know to believe in God because I’ve never really been informed. Should I not comprehend the truth about something I might not know to heed or adhere to what is being said about it. Things are said by people everyday that I do not care about because I simply don’t know to pay attention to them. But I am always paying attention to me on some level.
Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7 (NLT)
Especially to someone raging on the inside with anger and hostility; for someone who is afraid to put their head down knowing they can’t sleep with the tumult spinning their thoughts into the deep, or afraid to wake up to the isolated loneliness that comes with another day; Jesus is asking for a chance to calm that sea and ease that burden. If only you would let him in. He is able and will bring peace to a weary heart, and joy to a troubled spirit.
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. James 1:2-5 (NLT)
Let Perfect Love into your life and see what happens. Notice how the spirit of fear in you is changed into something courageous. Wouldn’t it be something if that bitterness your carry turns sweet and you literally sense all that inner resentment melt away as you grow in unveiling wisdom that allows you to see things as they really are from a much “higher” perspective. Wouldn’t it be something to be renewed into something far better than you are that allows you to once again see yourself as God sees you. How does He see you? He looks at you and sees Perfect Love alive within you; seeing the presence and beauty of Jesus all over you. Allow God to renew your mind and restore your joy.
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2 (NLT)
The original Greek word for transform is ‘metamorphoo’ from which we get the word metamorphosis. It is the word that means for a caterpillar to change into a butterfly. You might feel sluggish. You might feel heavy and ugly in your spirit. Let God change your mind about yourself. Let Him help you to love yourself again with a healthy love, which you already read produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. What if you believed these things about yourself. Not only would your love for you be healthy but you could love God from a healthy place and love your neighbor with healthy love since you love your self that way.
Wow. Wouldn’t it be something.
Overcome F.E.A.R. (Failed Expectations Affecting Reality) or Be Overcome by It
by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom From MEdom Project…
You are not alone…
- 18.8 Million American adults will suffer from depression this year.
- 2.3 Million American adults will struggle with bipolar disorder this year.
- 9.1 Million American adults have an anxiety disorder.
- 2.4 Million American adults will experience a panic disorder this year.
- 3.3 Million American adults will be treated for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) this year.
- 5.2 Million American adults will experience Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) this year.
When it comes to our fears and our obsessions with trying everything we can to overcome them, it would make the most sense if we could simply stop being fearful; if we could simply flip the switch and stop the feelings of anxiety, stress, and worry.
If only it were that easy.
President Barack Obama, in 2008, said the following: “I was so obsessed with me and the reasons I might be dissatisfied that I couldn’t focus on other people… Whenever I take wrong steps a lot of the times I protect myself instead of trying to do God’s work.” I’m not sure whether he realized it or not, but this might be the most profound statement outside of Scripture speaking to the human condition that I think I’ve ever heard. It’s loaded with insight. It speaks of our addiction to self, failed or unmet expectations and its effect on us and our relationships, the adverse consequence of resulting behavior, the fear that drives us into self-preservation mode, and finally, the distraction from fellowship with God necessary to know and do His will.
We all want that feeling of self-satisfaction—contentment—even though we have never really experienced such a feeling. What we have experienced, and continue to experience, is the feeling or sense of dissatisfaction leading to discomfort and pain. We experience dissatisfaction within our physical bodies, our thoughts and feelings, our circumstances, our relationships, and in the world. Such dissatisfaction is derived from unmet and failed expectations. The scope of these failed expectations can range from the discomfort of a mosquito bite to extreme physical pain; from not getting that bike as a kid to not getting the promotion you felt you were in line for; from being teased by a sibling or friend to physical, emotional and sexual abuse from a parent; from being stuck in traffic to being a victim of a crime; from catching a cold to falling prey to a debilitating disease; from that boy or girl not going out with you as a young person to the experience of divorce and custody battles. You get the idea.
From our history of life experiences comes pain and sorrow, and guilt and shame. Bottom line on the differences is that guilt represents behavior resulting in mistakes, wrongs, and harm that present the opportunity for learning, repentance, and growth. While shame—the internalizing of harm and wrong to the point that it defines one’s belief system, tends to lead to feelings of failure, sorrow, depression, and fear. Guilt allows a person to move forward while shame can completely paralyze and immobilize its victim. The weapon used to slay every single one of us is F.E.A.R.—Failed Expectations Affecting Reality. The devil will club us over the head and stab us in the gut repeatedly utilizing the fear weaponized in our own brains against us—fear manufactured and manipulated out of shame we have defined ourselves by. I don’t know how, but the devil is able to communicate lies to us, trapping us in shame according to so many unmet expectations we have of ourselves in our desperation to also satisfy the expectations of so many others; an insurmountable task.
“Guilt and Shame, Scabs and Scars” makes a clear distinction between scabs and scars as it relates to one’s ability to be functionally healthy versus being stuck in dysfunction. Scars are healed wounds. You can see the evidence of healing while remembering the event that opened the wound in the first place. Since the wound has healed, the memory of the event no longer has power. The memory that’s been healed no longer has ownership of one’s feelings and attitudes. Scabs and bruises, on the other hand, are wounds in the process of healing, but as soon as friction and conflict come to the wound, the scab is ripped off and the wound breaks wide open bleeding all over the wounded person and affecting all who come in contact with the wounded person.
The reality for people with open wounds and mere scabs is that they continue to hurt from their injuries. The pain and suffering serves as an obstruction, impairment, and antagonist in their ability and willingness toward healthy thought-life, relationships, and overall functioning. People in pain tend to get swallowed up by fear and the need to protect themselves. When efforts to improve their circumstances result in more disappointment, they become less and less willing to absorb the risk to themselves and others they come to believe they are protecting.
The most severe consequence of a history of painful events in a person’s life is when history shapes values and beliefs. The person who was physically or sexually abused might avoid physical contact and affection even from those they love the most, whether it be their spouse or even their children. Then children growing up in a home they perceive is cold and loveless in the absence of affection and expression of love, grow up and then enter into relationships and start families that perpetuate the pattern. Men and women from such a history can be just passionate enough to date, get married and start a family, but then passion gives way to apprehension and fear, and then of course, confusion and conflict. There might be verbal and physical abuse. There might be sexual abuse between married spouses. There might be affairs of the heart with others that eventually lead to sexual encounters outside of the marriage. These couples might spend time in therapy before they divorce and split the family.
Irrational Beliefs
Theorist, Albert Ellis, wrote that (A) Activating events throughout our life experience will shape and alter our (B) Beliefs about those events as we interpret how such events define who we are in our own minds. Since our interpretations are so powerful, they represent for us truth about who we are leading to both dependent and codependent thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Once victimized, the belief from such activating events is that one is entitled to abuse and neglect against him or her as a perpetual victim. Another possibility is that the abused compensates for his/her beliefs about being repeatedly being victimized, and becomes trigger happy when it comes to vengence and self-protection as a matter of survival. So when the victim is in the express line at the store behind a customer having an item or two over the express-line limit, he/she is quick to pull the trigger and goes on a verbally abusive rampage to ensure he/she is not falling prey to being victimized again by the customer in front of him/her or by the cashier.
The abused woman (pictured above left) may cringe the first time, and perhaps every time her date initiates even mild affection. Ellis calls this the (C) Consequence of ‘A’ (Activating Event) because of ‘B’ (Belief about ‘A’). The person in line at the store allowed real historical events in her life to so affect how she sees herself and the world, that such beliefs have become irrational. For the abused woman to resist the touch of a good caring compassionate man whom she loves and trusts is irrational. These irrational beliefs carry life-altering consequences. We can get to the point that we cannot distinguish the lies within an irrational belief system from what is true and real. Things happen in even our most loving relationships and we conclude that we are no longer, or were never loved, in those relationships.
It is our nature to buy into a belief system shaped by our experience. These are the experiences that affect our reality, promoting the fear that can render us paralyzed by our shame, slaves to our pain. We do what we have to in order to survive our dissatisfaction. We can love God and struggle mightily with a belief system that is rooted in lies about ourselves, other people and the world in general.
The way our brains work is that experiences trigger biochemical transmissions that trigger thoughts and feelings and there is nothing we can do about it. Oh, we can withdraw from people and situations. We can isolate and alienate. We can project blame for our problems onto other people and in our circumstances. We can displace our anger and resentment and others will indeed pay a price. We can suppress our fear and repress our guilt rather than address it in some healthy manner. We can act out through rage, revenge, and/or unhealthy sexual expression. We can try to buy or eat our way out. We can insulate ourselves to the point that we’re unable to feel any sort of joy in our life. There’s a lot we can do and not do in response to F.E.A.R. to try to escape and find relief. But, in the end, where does it leave us? Where are we? Are we really any better off? Or, are our attempts to relieve our discontent only temporary?
The only authentic measure of actual recovery is found in relationship with the One who can heal our wounds, and rearrange the altered automatic processes of our brains. Scripture tells us that when we offer ourselves sacrificially to God in relationship with Jesus Christ—that is by how we act with our bodies, that He will completely transform our brain, renewing our minds, infusing our desires and intentions with His desires (Romans 12:1-2). It is written that as we come to ADMIT that we cannot fix our unmanagable lives; and as we come to really—I mean, really—come to BELIEVE that God is able and willing to do for us and in us what we cannot do for ourselves; and as we COMMIT to letting go of what we can’t control anyway, get out of our own way, and trust Him enough to confess to Him our lack and our need—talking to Him with our voice, that He will empower us to extraordinary things in our lives—at least in relation to our utter inability to heal ourselves. We are promised God’s transcendent peace that will guard our hearts and minds in the midst of whatever’s going on (Philippians 4:6-7).
What drug addict ever said to himself while ingesting the drug, “I sure hope someday that I’m a drug addict. Wouldn’t it be great to be so dependent on this drug that I will be forever sick without it?” Yet how many of us are so addicted to our past of discontentment, pain and struggle that we will continue our futile efforts through sick behavior and thinking to somehow manage in our disease?
The Bible says that faith is the substance (meaning assurance, confidence) of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen. Like I’ve said and written before, you can’t see gravity, or oxygen, but you accept both as true and real according to the evidence. The challenge for me and for what I have presented to the people I counsel, I present to you. You are not always going to feel confident or faithful, but you can pray because you are hopeful that God is who He says He is. Then, let’s see what happens. Over time, perhaps what you have come believe to about yourself, and the lies you’ve bought into about your world, gives way to what you experience trusting God, experiencing truth, as He changes you into something new. You are transformed in the way that overcomes F.E.A.R. instead of being overcome by the fear of failed expectations.
When that happens and someone says to you, “What’s new?”, tell them. Let ’em in. As truth is revealed to you, be revealing about the truth inside of you. Let it out. You never know when you will be a blessing to someone—the light that shines in their darkness.
Please pray that God will reveal to you His truth about what you just read. Pray that He will do a healing work in your heart and mind about your past. Pray that He will escort you into a NEW LIFE EXPERIENCE, according to what He expects for you. Remember that what He expects is for you to leave your past at the cross and embrace what He can and will do for you from His throne of compassionate mercy and grace.
Depression Obsession (Finding the Right Road to Freedom)
by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project
“We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road…” —C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)
Many of us struggle with the issue of depression in our lives that causes serious hindrance to daily function; to the point for some that it is debilitating—even paralyzing. Feelings of depression tend to be the result of failed expectations that emanate from a mounting history of life experiences. Wounds and disappointments have a way of building up over time. These unmet expectations tend to be at the root core of a negative world view and damaged self-esteem. Depression can be a culmination of feelings of failure, anger and resentment, shame, and fear.
Depressed people then tend to withdraw and isolate. This often occurs even in one’s relationship with God. Depression can equate to distance when it comes to fellowship with God. It’s as though God has disengaged and distanced Himself from us. We might feel that we have failed to meet His expectations as well, so why wouldn’t He pull back? It’s not that He is punishing us; it’s just that God need not bother with me, the failure.
The problem here is that when we feel depressed and become immobilized, we tend to doubt when we pray, as though it would take a miracle even for God to hear our prayer. Or worse, we can become tormented in our spirit, and give up praying altogether, too damaged for even God to help us. At this point, confidence is so absent in our relationship with God that we are utterly alone. Staying on the depression road to despair now takes us further and further away from the Lord, not because he distances Himself from us, but because we are on the wrong road.
So, how do we get back on the right road? We need to confess to Christ that we are dead in our tracks—that somehow we took a wrong turn. We need to tell Jesus exactly what we are feeling. He’s a big God. He can handle what we tell Him. He does not condemn us. We condemn ourselves. It is in self-condemnation that we lose confidence before Him.
“For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God.” I John 3:20-21 (NKJV)
God’s compassion and mercy overcomes and overwhelms our hearts when we prayerfully let go of our stuff and get hold of this truth. Jesus Christ is our Sympathetic Savior and His sacrificial act of compassion, leaving the comfort zone of Heaven to get to know us and understand our weakness—the areas where we hurt the most—is an amazing truth. Because Jesus did not give into the temptation to yield to disappointment, anger and resentment, fatigue, failure, doubt, fear, and yes, even depression and despair, He is uniquely qualified to listen to us in our need, and offer empowerment right where we need it.
Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly (confidently) to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:14-16 (NKJV)
Confess to Christ your hurts, your fears, the adversity in your daily experiences and circumstances. Tell Him everything! Tell him about your anxiety and your stress, and all that is in your heart and mind adding to your stress. Tell Him about your depression. Tell Him if you’re in despair. If you have them, confess to Him those suicidal thoughts—not as something insane inside you that you feel guilty and shameful about, but as something horribly amiss inside that requires healing that only He can do for you. And of course, even where sin is a part of our confession, there is the promise: “When we confess with our mouths, He is faithful and just to forgive.” I John 1:9
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)
Let go of your stuff and let the peace of God protect you from debilitating depression (I’m not talking about peace of mind that ebbs and flows according to our circumstances but peace that sustains) . There lies the road to freedom from depression. This is not an act of religion, but rather an experience of relationship between you and God by way of relationship with Christ Jesus. YOU WIN! All I can say is that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, even if you have stumbled onto this article and have never prayed before in your life. I have counseled so many that prayed faithless-while-hopeful prayers who experienced God for the first time in a way that was undeniably God.
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. I Peter 5:7 (NLT)
I recently listened to a sermon about what seems to be our obsession with the matter of depression. It seems everyone is depressed. It also seems that anyone going to their family practitioner complaining of depressive symptoms is prescribed anti-depressant medication.
There is definitely an over-medicating of society, especially in America. We tend to take a pill for everything. Or if we’re feeling a little sluggish, instead of eating right and exercising, we’ll get our pick-me-up from real strong coffee concoctions or an energy drink. 
The focus of the sermon was about taking care of our body, mind, and spirit by means that promote physical health (diet and exercise), mental health (diet, exercise, and other activities that stimulate endorphins promoting productive neuro-chemical activity), and spiritual health (effectual prayer life, healthy church community). There was particular emphasis placed on these routes for countering depression other than medication.
In the sermon, a double-blind study was sited that indicated some 40 percent of participants claimed to be feeling better upon taking a placebo substitute (sugar pill) and not anti-depressant medication. This is important research that documents that people claiming depression may not have been depressed in the first place. You’ll get no argument from me. I would suggest, though, that we be careful not to instruct people to quit taking their anti-depressant medication simply as a matter of fact across the board.
There is a distinction between being depressed and feeling depressed. Depression as a clinical disorder has to do with depressed mood, meaning a drop in serotonin levels and declining frontal lobe activity in the brain. Whether frontal lobe inactivity causes depression or is caused by depression, the issue is still depressed frontal lobe activity. A person simply feeling depressed, meaning dealing with disappointment and sadness, may not have the same severity of frontal lobe depression.
“The role of specific brain regions in the pathophysiology of clinical depression is poorly understood. However, one brain area, the prefrontal cortex, is emerging as likely being directly involved in clinical depression. The authors review accepted clinical diagnostic criteria for depression and show how these relate to the behavioral changes seen after prefrontal cortex damage in man and other animals. Information from structural (MRI, CT) and functional imaging (SPECT, PET) is then examined for direct evidence of prefrontal cortex abnormalities in clinically depressed subjects. Functional imaging studies, with few exceptions, demonstrate prefrontal lobe hypometabolism in primary and secondary depression, with severity of depression often correlating with the degree of frontal inactivity. These studies imply that dysfunction of the prefrontal cortex, particularly with respect to its role in modulating limbic activity, could conceivably produce many of the symptoms seen in clinical depression.
Viewing clinical depression as a disease involving dysfunction of the prefrontal cortex and connected brain regions may prove helpful in both the clinical management of depression and in clarifying future avenues for research.” (1994, Mark S. George, M.D., Terence A. Ketter, M.D., Dr. Robert M. Post, M.D. *Biological Psychiatry Branch, National Institute of Mental Health, Bethesda, MD)Mental illness is not imagined but a profoundly real condition either caused by or causing brain chemistry malfunction.
Severe mental illness can usually be managed effectively with the right medication prescribed by a well-intentioned physician in combination with proactive therapy. I even asked a Christian Psychiatrist a few years back if it’s possible that Mary Magdalene may have been able to defend herself against demon possession had she received the kind of medication and therapy people with severe mental illness benefit from today. He agreed with me that it is certainly possible.Brain imagery clearly indicates that brain chemistry is a factor in depression, just like it is with addiction, allergies, severe mental illness, and so on.
I have sinus allergies. There often are times that even as I reach for my allergy medication that I begin to experience legitimate relief from my allergy symptoms. Studies for just about every medication for symptom relief include a percentage of participants that experienced relief from a placebo substitute. If you are someone currently using prescribed medication to combat depression it would be wise to have a discussion with your doctor. If you are seeing a psychiatrist, it would be to your advantage to reopen discussion to discern the difference between being depressed and feeling depressed. If you were prescribed medication by your family practitioner, perhaps you should reopen that discussion. Ask him or her, “Do you believe I need this medicine, or did you prescribe it because I wanted something to fix me fast?”Of course most importantly, pray about it. Ask God for guidance and wisdom.
We are as a society pretty obsessed with depression and wanting to take something for it. Actually, anti-depressant medication might mask a deeper problem if it’s being used like alcohol or drugs or food to self-medicate and also masking a deeper, more substantial problem.Bottom line, whether you are severely mentally ill or you feel a bit depressed now and then, tell God about it. Leave it all before His throne. Be confident that He will bless you in your moment of need.
Guilt & Shame, Scabs & Scars (Recovery from Your Past)
by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project
For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5:19 (NLT)
Jesus Christ came to earth to identify with the human experience, to die as a sacrifice for our self-centered ‘me’dom problem. Nailed to the cross with Jesus was every mistake we ever committed. Jesus was wounded severely with gaping wounds wide open as he bled and died. With his wounds untreated, Jesus was buried in the grave, his body broken, entombed by man’s sin. For three days, the Bible says, the soul of the Sympathetic Savior bore the anguish of all of our guilt and shame.
But then something happened. The wounded soul and body of Jesus was healed and restored; resurrected into new life. When Jesus showed himself to his friends and family, they struggled to believe it. So as proof, Jesus showed them his scars. Now his wounds were healed. Scars are healed wounds, evidence of something that was at one time extremely painful. The evidence of your past is plain to see in your scars but your wounds are healed because of Christ’s suffering. By his scars you are healed and restored, though you may struggle to believe it. The memories of your past need not own you.
There is a clear distinction that needs to be drawn between guilt and shame. Scripture is clear in identifying our responsibility for our sinful attitudes and behavior. We have all sinned and fallen short of God’s standards. Our sin has resulted in the reality of decline, decay, and death. Decline is unavoidable; decay is inevitable; death is imminent. We are guilty of sin and responsible for its consequences.
The awesome truth about God’s grace is that Jesus paid our eternal debt for sin and that we are set free from its ultimate consequences. It is fact that I need only believe in relationship with Jesus Christ for forgiveness of sin that I will spend eternity in fellowship with Christ as a member of His family. When I accept this fact into my life then God is faithful to exercise His grace and my eternity with Him is sealed. My guilt, which is my responsibility, is paid in full.
He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. Psalm 103:12
When I confess my sin, God is faithful and just to forgive me (1 John 1:9). In other words, whenever I am arrested (metaphorically speaking) and brought in by my accuser for questioning, justice has already been served (Christ paid it) and the judge says that I am free to go—every single time. So why do I wrestle so with my guilt?
We tend to lose perspective about guilt. What I mean is that guilt in itself is a point of recognizing and confronting mistakes and unhealthy behavior. We are indeed responsible for our behavior. When we are guilty of making mistakes or causing harm, we have an opportunity to learn from our mistakes and grow in character and maturity.
“That is all well and good that you say God has forgiven me, and has taken me back into relationship with him, but if he really knew the awful things I have done, he would not accept me.” Have you ever felt like that? Shame is borne out of unmet and failed expectations. Whose expectations? Ultimately, it is our own unmet and failed expectations that result in our judgment of ourselves that lead to feeling shame. So many of us cannot forgive ourselves and believe that if we cannot forgive ourselves, how can God forgive us?
While guilt is an opportunity for learning and growth, shame is the distorted internalization of guilt that advances the over-personalizing of our mistakes and wrong doing. What is meant by “over-personalizing” is that if we absorb the guilt into the core character of who we are until we believe we have become the thing we are guilty of—that it somehow defines us. So when guilt says, “I did something wrong,” the evil scheme of shame is to utter, “I can’t do anything right.” When guilt says, “I did a bad thing,” shame says, “I’m a bad person.” When guilt says, “I made a mistake,” shame says, “I am a mistake.” When guilt can admit wrong and say, “I am sorry, please forgive me,” shame insists, “I am unforgivable.” Our shame screams at us, “Loser!” until we believe it about ourselves.
“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”
2 Corinthians 7:10
Godly sorrow is healthy responsible conviction of sin that leads to repentance and growth. Worldly sorrow is shame stuck in the mire of failed expectations that promotes decline, decay, and ultimately death. The devil is a roaring lion seeking who he may devour and he uses shame as teeth to rip us to shreds.
A great deal of shame is felt in the open wounds of our past. We seem to make progress in putting the past behind us and then something happens or something is said that rips the wound wide open again. This occurs when the wound hasn’t healed quite yet. These are scabs that have dried up enough so that we can function in our circumstances and relationships, but as soon as the scab is met with some friction, we’re a bloody mess again. Scripture tells us that God has removed our sin as far as the east is from the west, an infinite separation. It’s time to let go of what God has Himself let go of in your life—that being past mistakes. He has declared you innocent. He has fully reinstated you as an heir to all that is His (Luke 15:11-31—the story of the restored prodigal).
What exactly are scars? Scars are evidence of healed wounds. You can see the mark of the wound but it no longer owns you. Healed wounds are rendered powerless by the grace of God as we experience freedom in surrendered (body, mind, heart and soul), committed relationship with Jesus Christ.
What we must learn is that when we live according to God’s expectations, according to what the Bible says about His expectations, we need only to let go of our own failures and rest in the compassionate mercy of our Sympathetic Savior (Hebrews 4:14-16). When we approach the throne of God where Jesus sits (He’s not on the cross anymore), confident in our relationship with Him, then He replaces our guilt with His peace.
“When our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts.” (1 John 3:20)
Sympathetic Savior… Christ’s Sacrifice
by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project…
Three times pleaded for grace
Three times denied grace by the plan
Three times denied grace by a man
Three days denied grace by the debt
In three days became grace,
fulfilling the plan
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
“The death of Jesus was qualitatively different from any other death. The physical pain was nothing compared to the spiritual experiences of cosmic abandonment… On the cross he went beyond even the worst human suffering and experienced cosmic rejection and pain that exceeds ours as infinitely as his knowledge and power excels ours. In his death, God suffers in love, identifying with the abandoned and godforsaken.”
—Timothy Keller, The Reason for God
What Did Grace Cost Him?
Jesus was forsaken by his Father; forsaken by the plan for reconciliation and redemption; forsaken by the divided loyalty of a dear friend; forsaken by the cost of my sin; but then at the day of resurrection, having paid my debt, fulfilled the plan of redemption in becoming grace for me and for you. While our sin cost us everything, the wages of our sin cost God everything in the life of His son.
As we remember the sacrifice of our Savior and Lord celebrating His resurrection, it is important to consider the weight of the burden He carried and the pain He bore in the sacrifice for all sin. If this is your first visit to FREEdom from MEdom Project, everything that you read and experience throughout your time here is built on the premise that in relationship with Jesus Christ is the promise and opportunity for healing and redemption into new life, or what I like to call, the best of a new life experience. Let it all seep into the depths of your heart, mind, and soul.
4 Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.
6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.
7 He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.
8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away. Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of my people he was punished.
9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth.
10 Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.
11 After he has suffered, he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many, and he will bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.
Isaiah 53:4-12 (NIV)
This article is ridiculously long, so please come back to it from time to time if you’ve not the time to go through it all right now. Much of what is written is what I will dare to call revelation that I doubt you’ll have ever read or heard taught or preached. I prayed to know Christ in the fellowship of his suffering to attain resurrection, and what’s here is what I received from God’s Spirit. It came as knowledge to my spirit and it pierced my soul. I, therefore, do not apologize for any of it, but rather am anxious to share it.
Ask yourself this question: Why is it so hard to believe that the three-person union that is God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) could by choice “create” the visible manifestation of Himself to be of a fully human nature, void of His divine nature, with a need to depend on the divine nature and authority of the other two persons of God? Is it because it would be too great a shock to our religious traditions and customs of what we claim to be sound doctrine and theology? Some will not even ask the questions or have a discussion about it; perhaps since such a discussion would lead to quarreling about doctrine. I am asking that you be open to asking the question guided by Scriptural truth, particularly that spoken of by Jesus himself about himself while flesh as a human being.
(Sympathetic Savior is a four part series. The following are links to the other parts:
Part 1: Christ’s Humanity, Part 2: Christ’s Temptation, Part 3: Christ’s Relationships)
So then, since we have a great High Priest (advocate) who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:14-16 (NLT)
I think what we need here is a both/and approach to this revealing aspect of the humanity of Jesus. Jesus is both, by nature God, and, he chose to humble himself from heaven all the way down to the essence of earth and flesh, to lay down his divine standing, and become fully human.
Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God… Philippians 2:6-8 (NLT)
Having sacrificed his own divine nature to fully experience our human nature—a decision made prior to the creation of any living thing—it was paramount that Jesus surrender himself to doing the will of God. Remember that he said that he came not seeking his own will. Why not? Could it be that the human intentions of Jesus were flawed; compromised by his human intentions and desires of the flesh?
“Consider how our Lord regards His own Sonship, surrendering His will wholly to the paternal will and not even allowing Himself to be called ‘good’ because Good is the name of the Father. Love between father and son, in this symbol, means essentially authoritative love on the one side, and obedient love on the other. The father uses his authority to make the son into the sort of human being he, rightly, and in his superior wisdom, wants him to be.” —CS Lewis, The Problem of Pain
Recognizing his human inadequacy in comparison to who and what he was fully God, Jesus spent more time in prayer and communal fellowship with God than any person that lived before him and anyone since. (It was not merely a formality or ritual that Jesus went off alone with the Father fasting for forty days as he prayed fervently and most likely with a sense of desperate urgency preparing for an undertaking like no one has ever known.) Jesus did not act sinfully on his willful intentions in any way. He did not entertain his selfish desires in his mind or they would have conceived in him sin. Jesus grew to understand that his will was by nature flawed and weak, and he was powerless against it. It was, therefore, imperative that he direct his intentions unto submission to the will of God by way of willing obedience.
“I can do nothing on my own. I judge as God tells me. Therefore, my judgment is just, because I carry out the will of the one who sent me, not my own will.” John 5:30 (NLT)
A. Jesus admitted that his will was inferior in the flesh rendering him powerless.
“I can do nothing on my own…”
B. Jesus believed that the will and authority of God the Father was superior to his own.
“I judge as God tells me… Therefore, my judgment is just.”
C. Jesus committed to turn his human will over to God in submission to his perfect will.
“I carry out the will of the one who sent me, not my own will.”
Is this over-parsing the words of Jesus, or is it taking him literally at his word… that he meant what he said? Jesus did not tell us as merely a command to obey the commandments to love God with all of our being, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. Jesus knew that the only way he would survive the tug of temptation to satisfy his own selfish desires in the flesh, he must be obedient to the will of God, and to trust and depend on him so long as he was fully human in “the likeness of sinful flesh”, according to Apostle Paul.
Jesus sympathizes with our condition that leads to complex difficulties, not only because we have a sin addiction but because we are under the lure law of sin. We learn obedience because of consequences we suffer under the impact of sin. According to Scripture, this was the experience of Christ as well.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin… He can have compassion on those who are unaware and going astray, since He himself was also subject to weakness… Jesus, in the days of His flesh, when He had offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement cries and tears to God who was able to save Him from death, and was heard because of His godly fear, though He was a Son, learned obedience by the things which He suffered. Hebrews 4:15 (NIV), 5:2, 7-8 (NKJV)
The Bible tells us that Jesus learned obedience by the things which he suffered. One aspect to learning obedience through suffering is having to suffer the consequences of, 1) your own selfish sin and, 2) enduring the consequences as an inhabitant of a world dominated—owned and enslaved—by selfish sin, or in other words, subject to the “law” of sin.
In our condition of human flesh we will definitely die. The body of Jesus was obedient to the law of sin, just as yours and mine is. Jesus needed rest and food in order to survive. Had he not died by way of execution, he would have died of old age, or from disease or injury. The physical body of Jesus would have declined and decayed as ours does as we get older, even though he did not sin, because he was affected by, even under the authority of, the law—the mandate—of sin. As we as human beings obey the law of gravity as a constant inevitability, we learn to obey the constant inevitability of sin by what we suffer at its hand. Jesus learned this as well by the way he suffered as a human being. The Bible tells us that Jesus was subject to weakness, and that he learned obedience by the things which he suffered, which I was the result, or consequence, of his weakness as a person of flesh. In other words, Jesus would, in his body and mind, be subject to the forces of natural laws.
I cannot know what kind of sacrifice this was on the part of Christ. I’d be lying if I said I understand how Jesus “gave up his divine privileges” (Philippians 2:7 NLT), that as God He came to us “in the likeness of sinful flesh” (Romans 8:3) in order to share in our human experience. Jesus was obedient in his humanity to remain committed to serving us in human form to the extent that he would die sacrificially on a cross as the payment for your sin and mine. He would then rise up from the dead as the precursor of our resurrection from the graveyard of our sin.
Overwhelmed
As he rode along, the crowds spread out their garments on the road ahead of him. When he reached the place where the road started down the Mount of Olives, all of his followers began to shout and sing as they walked along, praising God for all the wonderful miracles they had seen.
“Blessings on the King who comes in the name of the Lord!
Peace in heaven, and glory in highest heaven!” Luke 19:36-38 (NLT)
What a difference a week makes!
One week later, Jesus would be so stressed and overcome about the immeasurable beating that would be levied against him; the unbearable pain of dying on a cross to take into him our sin disease; the immeasurable tragedy of being separated from God his Father; one week after being celebrated by thousands he would sweat blood through his pores anticipating the locomotive of torment coming right for him. Jesus would experience a deep sense of helplessness and despair, to the point that death itself may have been less painful than what he would have to endure through the events leading up to it, ultimately hanging by spikes on the cross.
He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. Matthew 26:37 (NKJV)
“My soul is overwhelmed by sorrow, even to death.” Matthew 26:38 (NKJV)
As he prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus was in such agony and torment that even when the angel appeared to strengthen him, he sweat blood. His physiological and psychological condition was such that blood came through his pores and dripped to the ground. Jesus was already shedding his blood.
“Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him. And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” Luke 22:43-44 (NKJV)
We see in the garden and at the cross that the heart of Jesus bleeds for us. I think his Gethsemane experience reflects the phenomenal compassion that it took for him to go through with all of it. Anyone else executed by crucifixion was taken by force. Jesus did so willingly by choice.
Jesus, the physician for sinners
This incredible sacrifice; who is it for? It is for you and for me. Who are we? We are sinners addicted to self-centered sin. Jesus hung out with sinners, according to what we see in Scripture.
Then all the tax collectors and the sinners drew near to Jesus to hear Him. And the Pharisees and scribes complained, saying, “This Man receives sinners and eats with them.” Luke 15:1-2 (NKJV)
Now it happened as Jesus sat at the table in the house, that behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat down with him and his disciples. And when the Pharisees saw it, they said to His disciples. “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” When Jesus heard that, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those do who are sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” Matthew 9:10-13 (NKJV)
We are all sinners! We are addicted to sin. (Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin.” John 8:34) We are sick with the sin disease. We are in bondage to it. Jesus died so that we would be forgiven of our sin and freed from our bondage to its addictive power and control.
There he was, in the middle of that huge crowd hanging on a piece of wood, with open wounds rubbing against it every time he would push against the spikes driven through his ankles in order to catch a breath. I don’t mean to sound redundant but you need to see this picture. And yet, until the very end he was not even thinking of himself.
Jesus was passionately focused on others. Jesus prayed for others while on the cross. Perhaps he was praying for the soldiers that nailed him down, or the Jewish priests that brought him to the place of his death. Perhaps he was praying for the multitudes looking on, either mourning his fate or mocking it; or for those he would consider friends that felt betrayed and denied knowing him. Maybe Jesus was referring to us; you and me, who willingly choose our self-centered wants over what God has and wants for us. Jesus, moved with compassion, humbly asked God,
“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34 (NKJV)
Yet, after even that, he ministered to the criminal on the cross next to him and led him to faith. That very day the man would join God in Paradise. Considering he had a captive audience, Jesus likely would have tried to reach out to both of the criminals on either side of him. One criminal would believe that Jesus was indeed the way to God, while the other would reject Christ even as he hangs there to die. One would submit to the freedom only Christ could offer him, while one would remain submitted to his own cross for sin that bound him to death. As Scripture says, one will be taken and the other left.
“Then two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding at the mill; one will be taken and the other left. Watch therefore, for you do not know the hour that the Lord is coming.” Matthew 24:40-42 (NKJV)
In the case of the two thieves Jesus died next to, both had the opportunity to meet Jesus. One received his blessing of merciful forgiveness and the other rejected it. One was prepared that day for the coming of the Lord, and the other wasn’t. To the one who received Jesus, he said, “Today, I take you with me to Paradise.” The other will be eternally bound to his sin having separated himself forever from the generous mercy and love of his Savior, Jesus Christ.
Dr. Michael Easley (Moody Bible Institute) points out that when Jesus said in John’s Gospel, “Let my friends go”, he was saying, “Take me instead of them”. Peter, as most of us are until truth is unveiled, did not understand that he was condemned for eternity unless Jesus takes his place. Jesus died and experienced condemnation on our behalf for the self-centered deeds we are responsible for. Dr. Easily points out that it’s as though Jesus essentially said to God, “Take me and let my friends go free.” In relationship with Christ, Jesus says that we are his friends. You are and I am a friend of Jesus as we are willing to participate in friendship with him. What breaks his heart is when we choose to reject the friendship Jesus offers. As our friend, he carried our cross and then died nailed to it. We were loosed from the master (sin) and set free (John 8:32-34).
Jesus could have established himself as the vehicle of God’s authority at any time. He in fact put his power and authority on display in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was approached by a battalion of Roman troops; hundreds, perhaps as many as a thousand trained soldiers. Here is what happened.
Jesus fully realized all that was going to happen to him, so he stepped forward to meet them. “Who are you looking for?” he asked. “Jesus the Nazarene,” they replied. “I Am he,” Jesus said. (Judas, who betrayed him, was standing with them.) As Jesus said “I Am he,” they all drew back and fell to the ground! John 18:4-6 (NLT)
Imagine that scene; an entire regiment of soldiers pinned to the ground by the Spirit of God long enough for Peter to draw a (from a soldier that couldn’t move?) and take a swipe at the head of the servant of the high priest and slice his ear. Imagine the look on the face of Malchus when Jesus healed his ear. Was it scary arresting Jesus at that point? Do you know why it wasn’t? Jesus surrendered willingly as yet another powerful act of sacrifice. Incredible. Even in the splendor of authority and glory in the garden that night Jesus lovingly set aside his will in yet another gracious act of compassion for your sake and mine.
Forsaken… Abandoned
What came next was the terror contained in his sacrifice. He would be abandoned by God: Father… Creator. Having by choice fallen from glory as himself Creator, Jesus the man would take the full blow of the tragedy of human selfishness.
Jesus would be blindfolded to suffer brutal torture from the soldiers of the high priests. Officials in authority struck Jesus in the face with the palms of their hands. They mocked Him, mercilessly, spitting on him while spewing crude remarks like, “You’re a prophet… you know all… who just hit you?”
The following is the actual description of what Jesus actually experienced:
Some of the governor’s soldiers took Jesus into their headquarters and called out the entire regiment. They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him. They wove thorn branches into a crown and put it on his head, and they placed a reed stick in his right hand as a scepter. Then they knelt before him in mockery and taunted, “Hail! King of the Jews!” And they spit on him and grabbed the stick and struck him on the head with it. When they were finally tired of mocking him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him again. Then they led him away to be crucified. Matthew 27:27-31 (NLT)
Jesus must have understood at some point that the sin of the world had entered him. It must have been dreadful. Our sin carried within him our dissatisfaction, our pain, our anger and rage, our frustration, and our resentment and bitterness. Our sin filled the person of Jesus with our pride, our lust, our shame, our regret, our loneliness, our depression, and our failure. Ultimately, Jesus was profoundly connected to our isolation, our alienation, our desperation, and our despair. It must have left a bitter taste in his mouth, a foul smell in his nostrils, and perhaps the screams of demons in his ears. It must have been dreadful and gut-wrenching. He may have seen unspeakable filth in his imagination, and felt sensations of paranoia and fear from his insides. We cannot even imagine what Jesus experienced.
Then finally, when it didn’t seem anything could be worse, the unthinkable occurred. Jesus felt all alone. He sensed that the one sure thing he could count on was missing. Where did his Heavenly Father go? Jesus felt abandoned by his Father, and cried out, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken he?” This is first time we see Jesus responding to his own need as a man. Suddenly, something was missing in his spirit. All along the way until now, amidst the disappointment, discouragement and even despair, he had known and felt his Father’s presence. God’s Spirit had been alive in him… or as John Eldridge would say… God’s glory was what made Jesus fully alive while a man of flesh. No matter how treacherous the road of his ultimate destination would become, Jesus walked in the affirmation of his Father’s love and approval. As close as Jesus was to Mary his mother, their bond paled in comparison to the unique bond he had with God his Heavenly Father at this time in his adult experience.
In that moment, Jesus was in the deepest, darkest and most unbearable place of desperate need. He was feeling his insides pulled down by gravity against the nails in his hands and feet. (Note: According to a television documentary regarding archaeological evidence of Roman crucifixions, an ankle and foot were discovered with a nail through the ankle from the outside to the inside of the ankle, suggesting that Jesus’ legs and feet may have actually straddled the trunk of the cross, as if his death could have been more gruesome.) He could barely withstand the collapse of his torso causing him to literally suffocate as he attempted to push up to breathe. In the moment he took our sin into his being, Jesus needed his Father to be there for him now more than at any other time.
Something, or should I say, someone seemed to be missing.
And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” which is translated, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?” Mark 15:34 (NKJV)
Where was he? Where was God? Why was he not there?
What were the thoughts and feelings desperately coursing through the mind of our Lord alone on the cross?
“Father, I need you so much!”
“Where are you?!”
“How can you leave me?!”
“Why now?”
“O God, it hurts!”
“I beg of you, Father, return to me!”
“Oh please, come back to me!”
“I can’t take it anymore!”
“Make it stop!”
“Please, take me home!”
I suspect that went on for three days and nights as Jesus experienced the horrific torment for the sin he didn’t commit, yet became responsible for. Jesus was a human being like you and like me.
“My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?”
When Jesus needed the support of his Father more than at any other time, as he experienced something he was not familiar with, he no longer sensed the presence of his Father. We can know for certain that this was unfamiliar territory for Jesus because he cried out emphatically, “My God, Why?!”
I wonder if just maybe this was not part of “the plan”. Of course it had to be this way, but… I wonder if God the Father had every intention to be right there for his Son Jesus. Why would God forsake his only Son? I wonder if God the Father, in the moment that Jesus took our sin into his body, was Himself in deep anguish?
Had God abandoned his Son to the point that he didn’t even hear his cries for help?
Does God forsake sin as a matter of divine law or principle?
I was taught growing up that God cannot be in the presence of sin. It is almost as though sin is to God what kryptonite is to Superman, or sunlight is to Dracula. Superman and Dracula become less of what they are in the presence of these adversaries. Sin and the evil within it do not make God any less of who he is. There is no doubt that God finds sin to be utterly offensive and is repulsed by it and is saddened by its effects against his creation. But if God is bigger and more powerful than evil and our addictive sin, why would he have to turn away from it?
Consider this, that perhaps it is not God forsaking his Son, but that perhaps Jesus, having been consumed with our sin, had forsaken God his Father as you and I forsake fellowship with God when we submit to selfish sin. Think about it. That is what we do when we are consumed with addictive sin. It so affects us spiritually that we don’t even hear God when he calls out to us. Adam had sin in him and God called out to them, “Adam, where are you?” (Genesis 3:9) Adam forsook God in his sin against God. There was consequence for Adam’s sin, but God did not forsake Adam. I think it is possible that Jesus was so defiled by our sin, that he could no longer remain connected to God. I think it is the sin in the soul of the humanity of Jesus that broke the fellowship between Jesus and his God, not necessarily God breaking fellowship with his Son. While his body lay in the tomb, the sin absorbed into the soul of Jesus would experience condemnation.
The Wrath of God is Eternal Damnation
Jesus likened the time between his death and resurrection to spending three days and nights in the belly of a great fish.
“For as Jonah was for three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish, so will the Son of Man be for three days and three nights be in the heart of the earth.” Matthew 12:40 (NKJV)
We have a tendency to ignore those three days and nights. Our focus is on the cross and resurrection, but what about the three days in between when Scripture tells us that our sin was condemned in the human soul of Christ?
Let’s look at the story of Jonah for a moment. Jonah chose a course for his life that was in opposition to the will of God. The consequence of his choice not only brought grief and suffering to his own life but affected the lives of those touched by him along the way.
The men were exceedingly afraid and said, “Why have you done this?” For the men knew that he (Jonah) fled from the presence of the Lord, because he told them so. Then they said to him, “What shall we do to you that the sea may be calm for us?” – For the sea was growing more tempestuous. And he said to them, “Pick me up and throw me into the sea; then the sea will be calm for you. I know that this great tempest is because of me.” Nevertheless the men rowed hard to return to land, but they could not, for the sea continued to grow more tempestuous against them. Therefore they cried out to the Lord and said, “We pray, O Lord, please do not let us perish for this man’s life…” So they picked up Jonah and threw him into the sea, and the sea ceased from its raging. Now the Lord had prepared a great fish to swallow Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish for three days and three nights. Jonah 1:10-15, 17 (NKJV)
We need to consider Jonah’s description of what that was like. Jonah felt as though he had died and gone to hell, the Bible tells us. He cried out to God from the depths of his grave in the belly of the giant fish and God rescued him from the pit of death and destruction.
From the inside of the fish Jonah prayed to the Lord his God. He said, “In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry. You hurled me into the deep, into the very heart of the seas, and the currents swirled about me; all your waves and breakers swept over me. I said, ‘I have been banished from your sight; yet I will look again to your holy temple. The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head. To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit, oh Lord my God.” And the Lord commanded the fish and it vomited Jonah onto dry land. Jonah 2: 1-6, 10 (NIV)
I can only imagine what Jonah must have experienced. In the belly of a whale for three days and nights must have felt like hell. It must have been pitch black in there—utter darkness. There was seaweed and likely scores of fish and a whole bunch of cold water. However, Jonah did not belong in the belly of the whale. Jonah’s presence there did not agree its stomach. Ultimately, Jonah, a disobedient prophet of God would look to the holy temple of God and vow to serve him. He would be restored by God and brought up from the depths of the grave into new life.
What happened to Jesus after he said, “It is finished” and died? Where went the soul of Jesus the man once his body was dead? Is it possible that the human soul of Jesus, having been infected by the sin of mankind, was condemned to a kind of hell, one that Scripture refers to as Hades? Did Jesus actually incur in his human experience condemnation of his soul of flesh? If so, it would be a human experience of the worst kind. It would imply that Jesus can even sympathize with all who are ultimately condemned to hell by their sin.
Look at what Jesus says to John in the book of Revelation.
“I am He who lives, and was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore. Amen (so be it). And I have the keys of Hades and of Death.” Revelation 1:18 (NKJV)
I believe this is most revealing about what happened to Jesus during the time between his death and his resurrection. His resurrection was not merely resurrection from his physical death, but resurrection from condemnation by way of our sin in him. As Jesus took our sin into himself, he was condemned.
For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin. He condemned sin in the flesh. Romans 8:3 (NKJV)
Condemned in the flesh? In who’s flesh? Not yours; not mine. Sin was condemned in the flesh of Christ Jesus. That the human spirit (soul) of Jesus experienced condemnation is not popular theology. I have been criticized harshly at times for such a suggestion. Did Jesus not at the cross say out loud, “It is finished… Into thy hands I commit my Spirit”? What did he mean? He told his disciples that his death would be like that of Jonah in the belly of the fish for three days and nights. Jonah was not dead. He experienced everything that was to be experienced being digested by a large fish. I gave you Jonah’s own depiction of his experience above from Jonah chapter 2. It was hell for Jonah. It was dark, cramped, and cold. It stank like death. He could barely breathe. Jonah depended entirely on the presence—the companionship—of God to survive with his life.
The difference for Jesus is that his fellowship with God was broken as he suffered the consequence for your sin and mine. While Jonah became angry that his experience led to God being merciful to repentant sinners (Jonah 4), Jesus experienced death into broken fellowship so that repentant sinners would be reconciled into new life in right relationship with God. I contend that when Jesus said, “It is finished… Into thy hands I commit my Spirit”, that the next three days were indeed out of his hands. He was finished following through on the mission to sustain obedience in the flesh. I contend that outside of fellowship with the Father he was lost—having not known grace until He became grace—until the Father would raise him up from the dead and Jesus would be exalted, returning to His rightful place on the throne as King of kings and Lord of lords; the throne He vacated when He humbled Himself into the “likeness of sinful flesh” (Paul’s words not mine).
The prophet Isaiah wrote that Jesus was “assigned a grave with the wicked… (and) was numbered with the transgressors… ” This bears importance to me. It seems to speak of a distinction between the destination of believers and that of those who will perish into eternal dying. My interpretation from this Scripture and those others cited in this article, is that Jesus experienced the fate of unrepentant sinners; eternal condemnation until being resurrected by the Father and exalted into His rightful position as King of kings and Lord of lords; fully God on the throne at the right hand of the Father.
Like you, I cannot fathom eternal damnation and what it altogether means for unrepentant sinners. Eternal damnation is the wrath of God poured out against the brazen will and activity of evil. That was my debt, and that was yours. It was—not is—because Jesus paid the debt of eternal damnation for those three days and nights.
But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day. 2 Peter 3:8 (NLT)
Peter writes that this is important and I must not forget it. Jesus suffered condemnation for three days and nights, according to my temporal perspective of mortality. But what if eternal damnation—eternal dying from the mortal position of Jesus was more like three thousand years? Paul wanted to know Jesus in the fellowship of his suffering. Jesus suffered on a level that no repentant sinner will ever suffer. Peter was crucified upside down. I believe that Jesus suffered immeasurably more than that—wrath of God punishment. That is why, when Peter told Jesus that he would die in his place, Jesus stressed emphatically to Peter that he didn’t any idea what he was asking for.
I am suggesting it is possible that what was three days on this side—the temporal side—of eternity may have been an eternity on that side—the eternal side (permanence)—of eternity. Why would it be thought egregious to think it possible that Jesus would come to sympathize through his personal experience the worst of human suffering, that being eternal dying, whatever that even means. I do not take it lightly to write of this as I have done so shedding tears for the unimaginable impact of my sin against my Savior and Lord.
The cup of God’s wrath against evil IS eternal punishment. It IS eternal dying. It IS the wage of sin (Romans 6:23). If that is the debt for sin… my sin… and Jesus paid the debt, then he would have experience the full weight of the ransom for my redemption; eternal damnation for my sin. Then… because God is merciful… the ransom was met, and Jesus was resurrected into new life and restored; then lifted up into full sonship (like the prodigal son) and thus (it bears repeating) exalted into his rightful place; fully God—King of kings and Lord of lords.
The Apostle Paul said of wanting to know Jesus,
I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Philippians 3:10-11 (NIV)
We need to realize that it is in his human experience that Jesus came to sympathize with our weakness, our vulnerability, our inner conflict, and our discomfort. The realization of the power Christ’s resurrection comes from understanding where he came from because of what he suffered. Jesus submitted himself to unimaginable suffering, falling from the heights of divinity to the depths of condemnation. Can we even begin to imagine condemnation? I imagine that Jesus experienced the horror of the worst of human suffering. I also imagine that Jesus experienced the horror of the worst of human need and want: greed, lust, rage, bitterness, fear, pride, jealousy, covetousness, and gluttony. I imagine that while he experienced the pain of victims, he also experienced and the sickness and horror of villainous depravity. But as condemned, he took it all—the full impact of our sin—so that we could be free. Our sin was condemned in the human suffering of the soul of Jesus Christ. Let us fellowship together in appreciation of the sufferings of Christ as we attain to the resurrection from the dead.
God ultimately removed from the human soul of Jesus our sin as far as the east is from the west. God resurrected his Son from the dead of sin into new life, and would exalt him, having defeated sin once and for all. God the Father exalted Jesus into his rightful position as God to be our higher Power. God does the same for us who turn away from addictive sin and are committed to him by faith.
We, like Jonah, have chosen to go our own way by choosing a course that is sinful. Our sinful course, like Jonah’s disobedience, carries the consequence of disruption, chaos, destruction and ultimately our death. Choosing a course of selfish sin not only drags us down, it takes others in our life down with us, no matter how hard they try to bail us out.
Jesus Christ, a fisher of all mankind fished us out. We were going down. But then he took our sin overboard into the depths of hell on our behalf. For three days and nights, Jesus, all alone, having broken fellowship with the Father over your sin and mine became lost in the pit. After three days in the belly of condemnation, hell got a stomach ache, because once Jesus the Son was restored by his Father, he no longer belonged there. Scripture tells us that the grave could not hold Jesus as he was exalted from the depths of condemnation to the heights of his throne as God. Just like a Jonah was rejected by the giant fish and thrown up and out of the whale, so was the restored Savior resurrected from the depths of hell. The human soul of Christ left hell empty-handed, having disposed of our sin there.
Because of what Jesus has done for us the key to passing from condemnation in our addictive sin into new life is only through Jesus. As the Scripture says, only Jesus Christ has the keys out of condemnation. We are condemned by our sin and must believe that Jesus is our Savior who can unlock and open the way to free us from condemnation.
And you He (Jesus Christ) made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world. Ephesians 2:1-2a (NKJV)
For the law of the Spirit of Life in Christ has freed us from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do in that is was weak in the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin; He condemned sin in the flesh, that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. Romans 8:2-4 (NKJV)
These verses clarify what I believe Jesus is telling us in Revelation 1:18. The only path to freedom from condemnation is through a relationship with God committed to Jesus Christ. The Apostle Paul wrote in these Scriptures that because of the law of sin, we would all die since we do not measure up, and our sinful flesh condemns all of us, since we have all sinned. God, in realizing that we would all perish in our flesh according to the law of sin, and desiring that none perish, made a way of condemnation for sin so that we could live in fellowship with him.
Remember, there had to be a sacrifice for our sin. It was all necessary.
According to Scripture, it was mandatory that the most innocent and least blameless blood sacrifice be offered once, blamed for all into guilt and shame of the worst kind, so that you and I could be reconciled into agreement with God. Jesus would become the sacrificial lamb for our sin. Jesus voluntarily submitted himself to take on our flesh, coming down from heaven, giving up all he was and had as God, and laying on that altar, shedding his blood, as the lamb sacrificed for your sin and mine.
(Please watch this amazing video to “Revelation Song”. It’s worth the six minutes.)
Jesus is Risen, Jesus is King!
Remember that the disciples, like most of his followers, did not believe that Jesus would rise from the dead. It is my opinion that they may have very well figured Jesus not to be who he said he was, and even felt betrayed by their friend. They lost in the death of their dear friend their hope for a better life. They did not have spiritual discernment or spiritual faith to believe that Jesus was dying intentionally as heaven’s requirement to forgive their sins in order to restore them under grace back into fellowship with God. Their faith had diminished. All they could comprehend in their distress and sorrow was that their dreams of being an independent people had been dashed—their hopes and dreams shattered.
Then something amazing would unfold. But it wouldn’t come easy to them.
Now when He rose early on the first day of the week, Jesus appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom He had cast out seven demons. She went and told those who had been with Him, as they mourned and wept. And when they heard that Jesus was alive and had been seen by her, they did not believe. Mark 16:9-11 (NKJV)
The eleven disciples of Jesus did not believe Mary Magdalene. Why not? Jesus told them he would arise from the grave on the third day, and it was the third day. Why would Jesus appear to Mary first? Perhaps because Mary still had hope as she went to treat his dead body in the tomb. The hearts of the eleven remaining disciples were hardened in their grief and unbelief. “They mourned and wept,” the Bible says. I agree that they mourned the loss of a friend they dearly loved. They also mourned their fate without Jesus leading them to their promised land where they would live freely, no longer held captive by their oppressors.
Later Jesus appeared to the eleven as they sat at the table; and He rebuked their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they did not believe those who had seen Him after He had risen. Mark 16:14 (NKJV)
So when did the disciples believe that Jesus was the Christ risen from the dead to be their King everlasting?
Then, the same day at evening, being the first day of the week, when the doors were shut where the disciples were assembled, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst, and said to them, “Peace be with you.” When He had said this, He showed them His hands and His side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord. John 19:19-20 (NKJV)
One of the eleven, Thomas, takes a lot heat from some today for doubting the authenticity of the risen Christ until he put his fingers into the nail holes in Jesus’ hands. However, it does not appear that any of the disciples believed that it was him who had died and was now alive standing in front of them until they saw the physical proof of the resurrection of Christ with their own eyes.
After Thomas puts his fingers into the hand of Christ, and reaches and puts his hand in to his side, he believes, drops to his knees and proclaims,
“My Lord and my God!” John 20:28 (NKJV)
Jesus said to him, “Thomas, because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:29 (NKJV)
Jesus asks you today,
“What do you believe about me? What proof do you need? What do you need to see with your eyes?”
Ask Jesus to reveal to you the truth of His Word to you. Let Him know that you want to more fully believe but that you need help with unbelief, when you feel you doubt and lack faith.
“I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24 (NLT)
If you are looking for Jesus on the cross, you’ll not find Him there. The crown of your shame, like His crown of thorns, has been lifted from your head. Your sin that He took to the grave has been removed from your past, present, and future. The stone that has kept you in bondage has been rolled away. You have been raised up through relationship with Jesus. It is time to realize that your wounds have been healed, leave the stench of the grave clothes of your past behind, and step out into the sweet aroma that is the freedom of new life. He has extended grace to you. Get up and walk into your new life experience. Soak yourself in it.
