{"id":1816,"date":"2010-07-27T20:35:49","date_gmt":"2010-07-27T20:35:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.freedomfrommedom.com\/wp3\/?page_id=1816"},"modified":"2014-10-07T18:01:20","modified_gmt":"2014-10-07T18:01:20","slug":"co-dependency","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.freedomfrommedom.com\/wp3\/co-dependency","title":{"rendered":"Codependency"},"content":{"rendered":"
Copyrighted material from Mental Health America<\/a><\/span> and Codependents Anonymous<\/a><\/span> used with permission.<\/span><\/h5>\n

Codependency<\/em><\/strong> is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one’s own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships. Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns. Narcissists are said to be natural magnets for the codependent.<\/span><\/p>\n

Historically, the concept of codependence comes from the precepts of Alcoholics Anonymous, part of a “dawning realization that the problem was not solely the addict, but also the family and friends who constitute a network for the alcoholic.” (Leonard Davis, Obsession: A History. London: University of Chicago Press. p. 178.) It was subsequently broadened to cover the way “that the codependent person is fixated on another person for approval, sustenance, and so on.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Codependency describes behaviors, thoughts and feelings that go beyond normal kinds of self-sacrifice or caretaking. For example parenting is a role that requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice and giving a child’s needs a high priority, although a parent could nevertheless still be codependent towards their own children if the caretaking or parental sacrifice reached unhealthy or destructive levels.<\/span><\/p>\n

Generally a parent who takes care of their own needs (emotional and physical) in a healthy way will be a better caretaker, whereas a codependent parent may be less effective, or may even do harm to a child. Another way to look at it is that the needs of an infant are necessary but temporary whereas the needs of the codependent are constant. People who are codependent often take on the role of martyr; they constantly put others’ needs before their own and in doing so forget to take care of themselves. This creates a sense that they are “needed”; they cannot stand the thought of being alone and no one needing them. Codependent people are constantly in search of acceptance. When it comes to arguments, codependent people also tend to set themselves up as the “victim”. When they do stand up for themselves, they feel guilty. Codependency does not refer to all caring behavior or feelings, but only those that are excessive to an unhealthy degree.<\/span><\/p>\n

Codependency is a learned behavior<\/strong> that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual\u2019s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as \u201crelationship addiction\u201d because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and\/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Codependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.<\/span><\/p>\n

Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.<\/span><\/p>\n

Denial Patterns:<\/span><\/p>\n