Surrender It All or Surrender At All? (What’s In Your Camel?)

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project

If you have mostly turned your will and your life over to the will of God in your life, mostly surrendered to His plan for you, have you truly surrendered? If you haven’t surrendered it all, have you surrendered at all?

Will you try to ride your camel in through the gate?

Speaking for myself, these are the questions I wrestle with for my life, and I’m not sure I like the honest response for me to that question.

I want to surrender it all… but something inevitably distracts me. What is it that can be so distracting that I would hold back from the best that God has for me? Do you ever feel like that… that you want it but something seems to always be distracting you from surrendering your best to receive God’s best?

The story of the rich man that Jesus talked to is about a man that suggests he fulfills the requirements to experience eternal life… but he has reservations for whatever it takes for recovery into God’s best for his life.

Working the twelve steps in recovery only works when, as the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book states, it is done with rigorous honesty. This means being honest with yourself. To be anything less than rigorously honest with yourself would be to marginalize the effectiveness of your recovery efforts.

As you continue reading, it should be said that I am writing this as a challenge to myself first before bringing the challenge to anyone else. I am attempting to be honest with myself about my commitment to fully surrender my recovery with integrity reaching into every aspect of my life.

In prison, men talk about integrity as “doing the right thing when no one is looking”; and what I like to add, considering they are a community of convicted felons, is “doing the right thing when everyone is looking”.

I often facilitate discussions about how far the men are willing to go in their recovery. “You went all the way in your addiction, as evidenced by being in jail. You measured the risk against the reward and felt it was worth the risk when you acted in your addiction to obtain what you believed you deserved; to the point of needing to overcome obstacles such as the law to get what you deserve, risking everything. Are you just as willing to go all the way in your recovery? How far, honestly, are you willing to go to stay sober and stay free?”

Compassion Before Confession, Confession Before Clemency

The thing about the men is that they have all been convicted of crimes. Some would say that they are innocent of the charge they are serving time for, but of the hundreds I have talked to not one has claimed to not be guilty of at least something felonious, even if he has not been charged for it. How many of these guys would have surrendered of their own accord and confessed their crime if they knew that, not only would they be pardoned of their crime, but that they would be blessed beyond anything they could possibly imagine for themselves?

In my case and yours, we have been caught in our sin but many of us will not admit guilt. We will fight our case, claiming our right to a fair trial. In this case, though, there is no jury; only a judge, and the verdict is in.

For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Romans 3:23 (NLT)

For the wages of sin is death! Romans 6:23

In my case and yours, the consequence for our crimes, according to the lawful standard, was the process of death for eternity. As I look across the court room, I see that there has been a sacrifice paid for my crimes. My debt to the court has been paid and I am free to live……. under one condition: I must give myself up and surrender, admitting my guilt without excuse before the judge.

If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 1 John 1:8-9 (NLT)

This is the first step to surrendering my life into the plan and purpose of God. When I admit that I have done wrong and that I am in desperate need of mercy from the court, the judge declares that it is only fair that He show me mercy through forgiveness for my sin. After all, His very son is the one that paid the debt for my crimes with His life.

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him. There is no judgment against anyone who believes in him. But anyone who does not believe in him has already been judged for not believing in God’s one and only Son.” John 3:16-18 (NLT)

It is clear that upon my admission of guilt and acceptance of the sacrifice that was made to pay the debt for my crimes, I have been afforded a second chance. I have been given this last chance to get things right in my life through relationship with the Sacrifice for my sin, having Himself been resurrected into life.

We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are… Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. This sacrifice shows that God was being fair when he held back and did not punish those who sinned in times past, for he was looking ahead and including them in what he would do in this present time. God did this to demonstrate his righteousness, for he himself is fair and just, and he declares sinners to be right in his sight when they believe in Jesus. Romans 3:22, 24-26 (NLT)

Another question: Can a person mostly or partially surrender to the authorities? How would he be able to give most of himself up? He either turns himself in or he doesn’t. Is it not the same thing surrendering your life and livelihood over to the will of God? Will you give up and turn your life over to The Authority that is Jesus Christ?

What Else Must I Do?

Jesus often spoke in parables because people don’t like being told what to do and that they might not be right. But after pondering something of a riddle, or parable, may come to understand a new perspective, and might be willing to look more closely at flaws in their argument, and more importantly, their way of being and living. This is not the case here. Jesus is deliberate and direct.

Someone came to Jesus with this question: “Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?”

“Why ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. But to answer your question—if you want to receive eternal life, keep the commandments.”

“Which ones?” the man asked.

And Jesus replied: “‘You must not murder. You must not commit adultery. You must not steal. You must not testify falsely. Honor your father and mother. Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

“I’ve obeyed all these commandments,” the young man replied. “What else must I do?”

Jesus told him, “If you want to be perfect, go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

But when the young man heard this, he went away sad, for he had many possessions.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “I tell you the truth, it is very hard for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I’ll say it again—it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!”

The disciples were astounded. “Then who in the world can be saved?” they asked.

Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.” Matthew 19:16-26 (NLT)

Well? There it is. Wow! Who in the world is fully surrendered to their recovery from addiction to sin… addiction to self? Jesus said it. If you are perfectly surrendered to authentic rigorously honest recovery, willing to let go of it all in this life in order to be receptive of the best that God wants and has for you, are you willing to give up your earned material wealth for it?

Jesus isn’t done…

Then Peter said to him, “We’ve given up everything to follow you. What will we get?”

Jesus replied, “I assure you that when the world is made new and the Son of Man sits upon his glorious throne, you who have been my followers will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred times as much in return and will inherit eternal life. But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then.” Matthew 19:37-30 (NLT)

What was that? What did He say?

That’s it! Jesus is letting me know that until I am willing to commit EVERYTHING and EVERYONE into the will and care of God in my recovery from ‘my addiction to me’, I am not “perfectly” surrendered to recovery God’s way. Again, that’s it!

Getting a camel through the eye of a needle (pictured) was like fitting a square peg through a round hole. The gated entrance to the rich man’s home was a structure just tall enough for people to walk through. It was referred to as a needle and there was no way for a camel to fit through it unless by some divine miracle, the man on the camel was able to enter in. It would be impossible without God to enter in. So when Jesus gave that illustration for what it would take to enter into God’s kingdom—His best—Peter stated that it would be impossible; to which Jesus responded, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.”

Jesus was speaking to anyone that gets lulled into believing that there are aspects of life not particularly in need of recovery. Even the wealthy person who is viewed by folks as altogether decent and good has holes in his or her life and is in need of the Savior to fill the need left by the defect. The man who inquired with Jesus about his standing in regards to his position in the kingdom became disappointed when Jesus exposed what was defective and lacking in his life. The defects were the places in the man’s life where he relied on his own self-sufficiency and in his heart may have felt was not in need of mercy and grace. The man was likely wealthy enough that he lived comfortably in what in today’s language would be a gated property with a wall around his estate. He probably owned a camel for transportation and parked it outside before walking in through the ‘eye of the needle’ and in through his front door.

If the rich man’s camel is emblematic of his love for material prosperity, then I suppose Jesus is telling him (and you and me) that he is welcome into the kingdom of God but his camel is not. The love of material wealth and money the Bible declares emphatically is the root of all evil. Heaven and the love of stuff are incongruent. They don’t match up. Therefore, something’s got to give. Something has got to go. The camel does not fit and cannot enter into the kingdom of God. I cannot enter into life with God in relationship with Christ riding on my own ability and earthly earnings. To enter in I need to get off my camel and let it go.

Once I have left my camel behind I am still too big; too tall and too wide to walk through the gate. To walk through the gate into where Christ is I need to stoop down and get on my knees. As I decrease, the gate becomes taller and wider. As I walk through the gate into the very best of a new life experience, God enters in and provides the increase until I am completely satisfied. To let go and give Him my burden is to decrease in surrender to all that He is. He loves that about this arrangement. I dump out all this useless, reckless, and destructive waste and Jesus fills my life beyond imagination without measure. If I ask for help with the dumping God is gracious to help me.

Kingdom Standing

The man had his share of earthly treasure. As a religious man adhering to the law of Moses, he needed affirmation of his position in the kingdom of God. I will suggest that he felt pretty good about himself and his place in God’s place until challenged by the words of Jesus in a way he never even close to anticipated. “Many who are the greatest now will be least important then…” That must have dealt him quite a blow. I will guess that the man understood that then is when it counts. Then applies to the kingdom of God; something of particular importance for any religious person. Then is forever and you cannot take it with you. He became discouraged, perhaps even disgruntled as if to say under his breath, “Who do you think you are… a lowly carpenter’s son… I come from privilege and honor.” Or perhaps he felt a tinge of shame that he might be selfish about what he owned and kept for himself. I don’t know if that was the case but Jesus it seems deliberately used this opportunity to make a direct point about earthly material wealth in front of a bunch of people.

The man’s wealth and prestigious standing in his material world had become a stronghold in his life, and until he was willing to let it all go it would be in the way of receiving everything God wanted and had for him. His best through what he had earned through his efforts held more value than the best God wanted simply to give to him from His undeserved favor; from His wealth. The only effort required is to let it all go, to surrender it all. Not easily done when his trust was in his own ability and effort rather than trusting in the ability and effort of the compassionate generous Savior standing right there before him.

Surrender it all or surrender at all? That is the question.

Steps one, two, and three are as follows:
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable.
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin.” John 8:34 (NLT)

So here is the deal. When I admit to being powerless over my addiction to sin, which has resulted in my life being unmanageable, to what extent do I believe that? Do I fully believe that I am powerless against my addiction to me that is self-centered and constantly prone to selfish automatic thinking and reactive sinful patterns of behavior?

If I do not believe entirely that I am powerless over my sin nature, self-centered behavior, and consequential outcomes, then I am stuck there. Why? Because it does not make a difference what I believe about God, then. The house that is my life could be raging with flames burning uncontrollably and I would not realize my need for the fireman. Therefore, I would not call on the fireman and my life would burn down. Surrendering my will to God would not be in play because my blind eye to the problem dictates to me that I don’t need God, as far as I can tell.

The case for the rich man that Jesus was dealing with was that the man was likely devoutly religious. He believed in God. He appears to have believed that Jesus was the Son of God and it was important that the man was in good standing with Jesus. But the man was self-reliant to the point that he did not recognize his total desperate need of a Savior to save him from his defects and weakness.

Also at issue is the problem of disbelief. I can know that the house is on fire and burning down all around me but if I have not come believe that there is a fireman that can rescue me, then why would I call on him at all, much less surrender to what He told me to do and go where He told me to go?

Surrender the Secrets

The degree to which I do not believe on any level that I am powerless without control, is the extent to which I cannot and will not surrender to the will and plan of the fireman, Jesus Christ. And, the degree to which I do not entirely believe in the ability and willingness of the fireman to save me and empower me in my recovery, is the extent to which I cannot and will not surrender to the will and plan of the fireman, Jesus Christ.

The degree to which I entirely believe that I am powerless and out of control, AND the degree to which I fully believe in the capability and willingness of the fireman to save me from certain destruction, IS the degree to which I can and will surrender to the fireman when he puts the breathing apparatus over my face and says to me assuredly, “Come follow Me.” There is no holding back or holding on to what is on fire anyway. I must lay down the burdens of this life that are the strongholds restraining me from the new satisfied life that God wants and has for me.

(I know The previous two paragraphs said pretty much the same thing but I did so for emphasis)

Jesus told the rich man that even what he loves and treasures the most: “… houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property…” is burdensome in comparison to a surrendered relationship with God. Jesus challenges you and me to lay down even our most cherished possessions; our loved ones, at the feet of Jesus on the throne at the right hand of the Father.

What if I have done even that? What else might be holding me back from receiving the best of what God wants and has for me?

What about my secrets? What about those hidden places that I hope to keep secret from everyone, including God?

The following comes from the Narcotics Anonymous publication, Just For Today, September 14:

Everyone has secrets, right? Some of us have little secrets, items that would cause only minor embarrassment if found out. Some of us have big secrets, whole areas of our lives cloaked in thick, murky darkness. Big secrets may represent a more obvious, immediate danger to our recovery. But the little secrets do their own kind of damage, more insidious perhaps because we think they’re “harmless!”

Big or little, our secrets represent spiritual territory we are unwilling to surrender to the principles of recovery. The longer we reserve pieces of our lives to be ruled by self-will and the more vigorously we defend our “right”to hold onto them, the more damage we do. Gradually, the unsurrendered territories of our lives tend to expand, taking more and more ground.

Whether the secrets in our lives are big or little, sooner or later they bring us to the same place. We must choose-either we surrender everything to our program, or we will lose our recovery.

Just for today: I want the kind of recovery that comes from total surrender to the program.

Here lies the authenticity of honest recovery by way of surrender; when we can surrender our secrets. After all, God knows already. He is acutely aware of each big secret, as well as the little secrets we think are hidden in the dark.

Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.

Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. Don’t participate in the things these people do. For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.

Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, for the light makes everything visible.

So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Ephesians 5:2-13, 15-17 (NLT)

Like I stated previously, I am writing this as a challenge to myself every bit as I am hoping to encourage you. the apostle Paul is most direct in his words about what surrender truly looks like when recovery from sin addiction is genuine. This Scripture is about going all the way in recovery. To hold on to secret sins is a power grab and not indicative of those who believe entirely that they are powerless and out of control while proclaiming also that they believe fully in the satisfaction that comes by living according to the will and Word of God. To continue to indulge secretly in addiction to sin defies the integrity of the new life experience in relationship with Jesus Christ.

Ambivalent Surrender or Armed Surrender

So is it a matter of simply wanting what God has to offer in this life over what the world has to offer in this life? That sounds like such a simple question with such an obvious response when the best of life in God’s economy is clearly worth so so much more than the best of what this world as to offer me. Of course, I want the best I can have in relationship with God through Jesus. On its face it is an insulting question.

Crowds of sick people—blind, lame, or paralyzed—lay on the porches. One of the men lying there had been sick for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time, he asked him, “Would you like to get well?” John 5:3-6 (NLT)

If it is an offensive question, well, Jesus asked it too, when he asked a paralyzed man if he wanted to get well. It’s like me asking the man in jail if he wants to be set free.

How is it that I can possibly be ambivalent—resistant—to living in the best of the life God wants and has for me?

When we were controlled by our old nature, sinful desires were at work within us, and the law aroused these evil desires that produced a harvest of sinful deeds, resulting in death. But now we have been released from the law, for we died to it and are no longer captive to its power. Now we can serve God, not in the old way of obeying the letter of the law, but in the new way of living in the Spirit. Romans 7:5-6 (NLT)

I don’t know about you, but this Scripture, for me, makes it all that much more complex. If I have been released and am no longer held captive to the power of the law and the knowledge of good and evil; and if I am no longer controlled by my old nature and sinful desires and intentions, then why do I continue to be drawn back in to do what I no longer want to do in the sense that I am freed up inside when I turn away from such things that are captivating for all of the wrong reasons? I am free to serve God and love how it feels when I do intentionally engage in exactly that.

The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 7:14-25 (NLT)

As I attempt to speak the truth about a surrendered life in recovery from my sin addiction, asking the questions about why I do not just choose each time to pursue and take hold of what God wants and has for my life, it appears to me that Paul engaged in the same problem. Paul reconciled himself to this reality of inner disagreement and conflict about what God wanted for him versus what the world wanted for him; about what he wanted from God versus what he wanted from the world. He concluded that this ambivalence—this inner conflict—is good. If his sin nature was in control, controlling his desire to behave in sin, he would give into it each and every time, so long as there is no internal disagreement over what to chase and be chased by. Having internal conflict at least gave him a choice and chance to engage in right best living.

I believe that so much of what Paul wrote in the New Testament, while inspired by the Holy Spirit of God, reflected his personal internal battles. He concluded with this about the weapons needed for the war within.

We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (NLT)

I must surrender to the truth as Paul did in order to have a chance at defeating the enemy within raging war in my thoughts. I am not necessarily talking about the devil, though that is a part of it. I am writing more specifically about the role of my sin nature and of the selfish “go” system in my brain that fight against me to do what is good, right, and best.

Letting Go

All this talk about surrender. What does it really mean to admit that I cannot on my own fix my life and change my world? How does absolute belief in the ability and willingness of God through relationship with Christ actually translate into trusting Him with my everything and everyone? What does it actually mean to give up my secrets? What does it actually mean to apply all this talk about surrender to how I live my life from one day to the next?

It means that I need to let go. I am not free as long as my hands are tied up with everything I cling to because I believe it is what and who I need and deserve, and what and who I believe needs me. It means letting go of control and the “need” to be right.

In the curriculum we use at the prison, it’s referred to as my “belief clutch”. My belief clutch is what I will hold on to as if my life depended on it. Even if the thing I am holding on to will ultimately take me down and lead to my demise and ruin, if I am not willing to let it go, it will at some point destroy and kill me. I will suggest that it is what Paul was writing about in the Romans 7 passage. My core beliefs rooted in selfishness when left undeterred will short circuit or override even what I believe to be true about the real-life presence of God in my life working in and through me.

Jesus is knocking at the door of my heart all the time. I will invite Him in and we will fellowship together and my experience is strength and peace and joy. My experience is relief from disappointment, pain, and struggle. My experience is compassion, mercy, and love. My experience is kindness and patience.

My experience is………. wait for it………. wait for it……….. self-control.

Through my experience with Jesus in the house I can let go of my secret cravings and urges that serve my need for instant gratification. Through my experience with Him I can let go of my lies that serve my need to protect myself. I can let go of my justifications and rationalizations that serve my need to defend myself. I can let go of my secret jealousies, secret resentments, and secret grudges that serve my need to feel better about myself. I can let go of the sarcasm that serves my need to look good by cutting someone else down to size. I can let go of the gossip that serves my need to be entertained at someone else’s expense. I can let go of being right that serves my need to…. well…. be right.

Surrender Your Best for His Best

Jesus has contrasted for me the distinction between clutching my best according to my own efforts, and letting it all go, living according to His best on His terms His way.

“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.

“Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!

“No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life… Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:19-25, 27, 31-33 (NLT)

A surrendered life unto Christ changes everything. Your values about what you own change as you are willing to let go of whatever it is you value that owns you in exchange for that which God owns and values for you; and wants for you to own. It is in the surrendered life that the rivers of living water flow into you, then through you, and then out from you (John 7:37-38) as you touch others with the message of the surrendered life.

“Yes, I am the gate. Those who come in through me will be saved. They will come and go freely and will find good pastures. The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” John 10:9-10 (NLT)

Jesus said that my camel will not fit through the gates of heaven… So why do I invest so much into my camel? I guess that about sums it up. I need to finally let it all go… this time.

I must surrender it all—everything and everyone, from my most cherished loved ones to my best kept secrets—to experience the full measure of God’s generosity; blessing God wants and has for me and for His family.

Trapped in a House on Fire!

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom for MEdom Project…

I admit that I like to play with matches in my house. It’s something I started doing as a child and for whatever reason I am still into it. I get gratification from the spark that comes with rubbing the tip of the match against the flint on the box and watching it light up. Flicking and throwing matches is pleasure for me. When I am in a dark place, the glow of the flame casts light into the darkness, affording me a sense of release and relief. You might say I have become hooked on the feeling that comes with playing with matches.

From time to time a match lands against something flammable and produces a little fire. When the little fires get together to form bigger fires it can become a problem. When that happens, I just go to another room in the house so I can forget about the room that’s on fire. I am a little bit concerned that playing with matches can lead to problems from time to time and I understand the need to exercise some caution.

The room I am in now is safe. I really need to light these matches. I always have a box of matches with me. Matches are important to me. They are a necessity. I just need to be more careful. So, here I go. I am playing with my matches… lighting them… flicking them. I am starting to feel something when the match comes in contact with something and causes it to burn. The fires I am causing are getting bigger until the entire room is on fire again. This ritualistic pattern continues from room to room until I am running out of rooms in the house to light matches in. The whole house is burning. The flames are out of control. The smoke is so thick that I can’t see anything.

I think I might be trapped.  I think I might be in trouble.

I am trapped in a house on fire… thick flames and smoke is all around me… everything is on fire. I admit I am powerless to the fire, but there is nowhere to go. I am on the floor breathing my last breaths as smoke and flames are overtaking me. There are those that live near my house that must see that it’s on fire.

I shout out, “Someone, help me! I am trapped in this house!” I even call out to God, “God, help me! Send someone!”

Then suddenly it happens. Someone is lifting to my feet. It’s the fireman! He is equipped to not get burned. He wraps me in his coat, puts an oxygen mask over my face and says, “Let’s go… come with me!” There is no doubt in my mind that I am not better off without the fireman. I believe, or at least hope enough, that the fireman can and will rescue me if I give up and go with him. I suppose I could look back or try to hold on to some things in the house; maybe grab onto some things I can carry with me. Then the fireman says, “Let go… it’s too heavy… and besides, it’s all on fire!” I decide that the fireman is right and I let go and do what he says to do, and go where he says to go.

The house is my life and the fire is my addiction… my selfish sense of entitlement that leads me to believe that it is my right to play with matches if I want to. The fireman is my higher power that saved me from my addiction. I look back at my life and it’s smoldering. It’s in ruins. From the place I am in now, having been rescued from the flames, I see that I have been burned by the fire. Burned bad… I hurt. I am in severe pain. I can barely move.

I look back at the fireman and he is different. He is dressed like a doctor. The doctor helps me to heal. I look at myself and see that I am much better. I look back at him and he is dressed like a construction worker. He is wearing a tool belt and hard hat. He also has a tool belt and hard hat for me, and says to me lovingly, “Let’s go… we have work to do.” He is committed, and he wants to know if I am committed to working on rebuilding the house that is my life. Once I surrender to the process of putting my life back together with the tools from the builder, He commits to working with me to do the work to rebuild my life until it is working better than ever.

Every day, as I surrender to my higher power in recovery, compelled by loving kindness, my Higher Power is committed to me and the work of rebuilding the house that is my life… it was a cottage; but I have seen the blue print… my life’s not a cottage according to these plans… it’s a castle!

Once I have moved into the new house that is my new life I am motivated to live in a way that is consistent with my new life. But to my surprise and disappointment, I continue to set fires in my new house. I still want to play with matches. Sometimes I am obsessed with getting the feeling back that had me hooked.

But something wonderful is different about my new life. I have invited and welcomed into my house the fireman, the doctor, and the builder. He is actually one person but where’s all three hats and is equipped to put out fires, treat my wounds, and restore the places in my house that get burned from time to time. He is also a teacher helping me to learn about my character flaws and teaching me how to live. He is a trainer helping me to get in shape with a healthy diet of what I allow into my thoughts. He is an advocate when I need representation when confronted by my conscience.  He is a counselor when I need someone to listen to me and affords me the wisdom to discern when I am wrong and to work out my problems. He helps me to let go of resentments that can produce really bad fires. He has shown me that it is not only about receiving grace but extending to others in need of it. He is all that and so much more when I let go and am willing to surrender.

It’s usually said that the 3^rd step is the hardest of the 12 steps. The illustration of the fireman as the rescuer from a life on fire suggests that the 3^rd step is the easiest of the steps. What is so difficult is that I don’t pay enough attention to the problems caused by and made worse by playing with matches; or worse, I see fires burning all over the house but don’t act to put them out until the fires become one massive fire raging out of control and I am powerless and desperately in need of help. When the help comes when I am desperate enough, surrender makes the most sense; it comes easy as if I have no other choice. The issue is that I might not realize my need until it’s too late and I am consumed by the fire.

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Romans 7:18-24 (NLT)

Addicted to sin… a slave to sin, according to the fireman (John 8:34), I am the arsonist. To continue to trust myself to on my own overcome addiction is to put my faith in the arsonist instead of the fireman. How insane is that?

Don’t ever wait too long to call on the fireman. Call on him, today.

So… imagine your life is a house and your addiction (ultimately to self) is the fire burning it down. Everything inside your life is on fire. Only Jesus Christ can restore your life into something whole again.

Bird Whisperer

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project

Remember that it is not enough to simply admit that our way of handling problems does not work. There is a component in most species where at some point in the course of fight or flight that they somehow realize that the struggle against an insurmountable foe is futile and it is time to “admit” defeat and give up the fight. That is the admission of powerlessness. Giving up the fight can mean we remain there to die, or we can submit to the care of a higher power to help win the fight. So at the heart of admitting our inadequacy and need is submission to a source of authority, power and strength that is not only bigger and stronger than we are, but is bigger and stronger than our adversary.

I was on my way into Heritage Counseling Center to meet a client one Sunday afternoon. In front of our facility was a wheelchair access ramp that is probably seventy-five feet long or so. It was enclosed with a roof with large windows facing outside. The entrance of the access ramp had a large opening without a door. As I approached the door that entered into the facility I saw a bird seemingly fighting for its life wanting to escape to freedom.

This small bird, perhaps the size of a sparrow, had flown deep into the access ramp to within six feet or so of the door that enters into the building from the ramp. I walked past the bird, I stood in front of the door, and watched it continually fly beak-first into the glass window as it attempted to fly away. On Sunday, no one else was entering or leaving the building except for me and my client who would be arriving in about a half-hour. I watched the small bird try again and again violently flapping its wings as it repeated the act of flying into the glass window. The bird’s adversary was the glass window. The window was pretty clear and it was obvious that the bird had no idea what was obstructing it. To the extent that the bird could logically reason its path, it must have appeared to the bird that nothing was preventing it from achieving its objective. The bird could see the other side but could not get there. The glass represented an obstruction that was impenetrable but the bird’s perspective was distorted and no matter how hard it tried and struggled, it was not flying through the glass barrier to freedom. So it would fly and bang into the glass window and land on the ledge in front of the window. Again and again this bird would fly and bang into the glass and land on the ledge.

Each time the bird flapped its wings it expected to find freedom, only to repeatedly bang into the glass window. The result each time was that it remained captive. These vain repetitious actions demonstrated by this bird got it nowhere. This bird tried to achieve recovery its own way over and over again, and while it expected a different result, that being freedom each time, it remained captive. As long as the bird could see freedom from this glass cage, it would continue in this insanity until it died trying.

After watching this for a couple of minutes, I walked right up to the bird next to the window as it was trying to fly through. It didn’t seem to even notice that I was standing there. I thought I could help the bird to recovery from its problem. I held my hand out onto the ledge in front of the window so when the bird landed it was in the palm of my hand. I tried to escort the bird toward freedom by carrying it in my hand toward the ramp’s entrance. The bird did not trust me. It did not comprehend that by submitting its will into my care it would be certain to recover from bondage into freedom. It flew again into the glass window not getting anywhere. I suppose the bird experienced a sense of desperate panic. Again and again it landed into my hand but still did not trust me enough to submit its will into my care as it continued to work at solving the problem its own way. After a couple of more minutes of this, the bird let me walk with it in my hand for a few feet before it would take off again only to fly into the next window that appeared to be the flight to freedom, only to hit the glass barrier again.

This went on a couple of more times until something changed within the will of this bird. This little bird stopped fighting. It apparently yielded its control, gave up the fight, and submitted its will into my care. I feared that if I squeezed my hand or hands around the bird that I would hurt it.

It probably took great courage on the part of this bird to trust me. Clearly, it is not the nature of a bird to reach out to a human being for help. I doubt it would have gone contrary to its nature to let go of the struggle to let me help it had I not persisted. Had it been persistent in fighting on its own to escape by fighting against me in my desire to help, at some point I would have let it go to do its own thing. It is our nature to fight on our own and resist help that is offered to us. Despite repeated failures, as sin addicts we tend to continue to use addictive behaviors as a means to fly through life’s barriers. The way seems clear until we bang into the obstruction blocking our escape. We become indwelled in it. It leads to greater barriers and increased anxiety and pain. Like the bird, we experience the futility and insanity of our efforts and remain captive.

I thought this bird story was pretty cool so I immediately called my wife to tell her about it. She called me “the bird whisperer”. That bird might never have found its way out of the crisis it was in and may have died trying. It was stuck in a cycle of insanity. Stuck in addiction we lose perspective. We no longer accurately see the bigger picture because of a distorted belief system. We tend to repeat the patterns of behavior that keep us bound in our problems. Lifestyle choices are made with the intention of finding relief to minimize discomfort, and then wham, we hit a barrier. Then there is another attempt to fly “high” to freedom, and then wham, we hit another barrier. The problems that lead us into bondage evoke thoughts and feelings that grow in intensity which results in problems being made worse and invariably additional problems.

The bird did not find relief until it seemingly trusted me and yielded its will and control over to me. I was bigger than the bird’s problem, and when the bird let go and submitted to me I delivered. I came through and led the bird to a better life. Is it possible that I was led by God to care for this bird? Before you laugh, look at what Jesus said to his disciples about God’s relationship with the birds of the air:

“What are five sparrows sold for, two copper coins? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. And the very hairs on your head are numbered. So don’t be afraid. You are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows…Look at the ravens. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to Him than any birds!” Luke 12:6-7, 24 (NLT)

God pays attention to all of his creation, even the birds. But he pays so much more attention to you and me. Jesus Christ did not die on the cross for birds. He died for us. The challenge for us is to recognize our need of God. The key is let go so God can do his thing in our lives to change us and restore us to a place of recovery. God is persistent in reaching out to us, but if we resist him, he will not force himself on us.

I shared my “bird whisperer” story with a client recently. I spoke of the insanity of repeatedly doing the same things expecting a positive result, only to keep falling into the same traps again and again. About the bird’s futile attempts to solve its problems in its own strength, only to repeatedly fail, my client said, “That’s exactly what I do.”

It is the constant learning process of letting go of our independence from God in order to grow in depending on God that leads to independence from the things that hold us captive. Jesus said, “I am the way,” yet we remain captive in our addictive lifestyle when we do not recognize him. As long as we perceive that our ways work, like the bird looking through a glass window as a clear path to relief and freedom, we tend to hold on and pursue recovery in our own strength just as the bird did. Yet when we let go and rest in the palm of God’s hand to carry us through, there is deliverance for us into a place of recovery as God restores our broken lives and puts us back together again.

Just as I was bigger than the bird’s obstacle that it couldn’t overcome that Sunday afternoon, God is so much bigger than any obstacle holding you down today, restraining you from a life of peace, joy and stability. It is God that holds it all together. Let him.

He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17 (NASB)

BRAINWASHED into Something Beautiful… New Life

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project

The first two steps of the Twelve Step model state the following:
1. We admitted we were powerless over addiction* – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

* “addiction” is substituted for the word “alcohol”

Step Three of the Twelve Steps says, “Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” Many will say that this is the Commitment or Surrender Step. I have said that and will continue to say it. It is probably more accurate to state, though, that Step Three is the decision to surrender. It is steps four through twelve that one acts out surrender and commitment in recovery. 

It is often said that this third step is the most difficult of the twelve, which is understandable… you know… because it’s about commitment and surrender and all that. Let me suggest that when one is truly working in the truth of the first three steps that step 3 is the simplest step of the twelve. Step three is the only thing left to possibly do and is an instinctual response to the first two steps.

If you were trapped in a burning building where flames are everywhere and out of control, calling for help hoping that maybe someone will hear you, and in your moment of despair, through the intense flames and thick smoke, the fireman appears and says to you, “follow me!” What will you do? Are you at all reluctant? Why is it that when the fireman appears fully equipped to rescue you that you may cling to all that you believe you can save… which, by the way, is all on fire… when you can’t even save yourself? The fireman says, “Follow me!” and you say, “I appreciate that you can help me but I am better off on my own. I won’t burn, I’ve got this. I am all that I need.” On the other hand, if you recognized and then admitted that you are utterly powerless in the flames of such adversity, when the fireman came to your rescue you would most certainly ascertain that your odds improve greatly should you do whatever it is the fireman says to do. Believing enough, you would commit to going with him since it has to be better than what you’ve got going on on your own. So Why resist?

The evil in your addiction wants to sabotage your peace and steal your joy by deceiving you into believing its lies about you. The lie is that you need to come clean before God, even though His Word says that because of what Jesus did as the sacrifice for your sin, you can approach God with bold confidence as you are in the shape you are in. The shame of your past is on fire. Who you are in your addiction is on fire. Your past failures are on fire. Your weaknesses are on fire. Your selfish pride is on fire. The jealousy and resentment you can’t seem to shake is on fire. What you covet is on fire. Your hypocrisy in trying so hard to do right and good in your own strength is on fire.

The lie is that while the fireman fully equipped has arrived to deliver you from being engulfed in the flames, you’ve been duped into believing that on your own you can somehow fight fires. Honestly, if you were trapped in a burning building and the fireman stormed in to rescue you, would you for one second attempt to send him away so that you could put out the flames with your bucket of water? Or, would you admit sensibly that you are powerless to save yourself; believing that the fireman is your only real chance to survive, would you by necessity commit to following the fireman, doing whatever he says to save your life?

This decision to surrender is predicated on the belief in a power greater than ourselves who can rescue us to safety; then restore us into sanity. As we come to understand who we are in relation to who God is, the decision is remarkably sensible to turn our unmanageable lives—our mess—over to the ONLY ONE with the authority to renew and restore us through His plan of surrendered recovery. It is so sensible that to decide anything else only adds to the insanity of our addiction to selfish obsessions.

Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. James 1:14-15 (NLT)  

“Gives birth to death“… how insane is that? When we come to understand how our brains work—selfish to the core—with automatic thoughts based on chemical reactions in the brain, fueling beliefs so irrational that they generate feelings that drive behavior willing to risk so much for instant gratification (reward), we do so at great risk and cost. The result is loss: lost freedom, lost peace, lost hope, lost trust, lost love… lost life. I am often asked, “Why do I settle for that?” It is our nature. When we seek to know ourselves through an honest inventory of ourselves, hoping to identify the exact nature of what is wrong with us, the more our self examination breaks down to our deeply rooted selfishness. We can try this and try that to fix ourselves, but it’s like pulling weeds that break off at the root but the roots are so deep that the weeds always grow back, bigger and badder than ever.

We have taken the brain that God created in us to be good, and allowed evil to come in and spread like a cancer until we are rotten to the core in our selfish thoughts, beliefs, and behavior. How does that change? It changes when we come to believe that we are powerless to our selfish motivations and intentions, come to believe in what can and will do to wash our brains, transforming them into something new, and the commit daily to letting Him brainwash us since He has afforded us the opportunity to enter into relationship with Him as an act of our will.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world (‘aeon’ or ‘age’) but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)

– To read more about the translation of this passage, click New Age Living (and oh by the way, your feet smell)

While God’s love for us is unconditional, the quality of relationship we have with God is conditional. This is evident throughout Scripture. Relationships always have a when-then quality to them. When one thing happens in relationship, then another thing happens in response. To experience the life of transformative recovery empowered in relationship with God, we need to be about the when in the relationship. God will then change us into something new.

Pastor Fran Leeman unveiled from Scripture some truth I had not seen before. He said that the Greek word for ‘world’ in Romans 12:1 is ‘aeon’ (pronounced ee-on). The word means age. Apostle Paul is writing that we are not of this age who have come to believe into relationship with God through Christ Jesus. We are no longer tied into the fate of this age once transformed into new life, so why reach back thinking as though we are still what we were. God desires to change our thinking by the renewing of our minds so that we come to believe and live in the new age of the coming of the Kingdom of God, which has come by way of resurrected Christ.

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

There is what we do in this transformative relationship, and there is what God does. What we do is offer our bodies to God sacrificially with our actions–our behavior. It is what we do with our eyes and our ears. It is what we do with what goes in and what comes out of our mouths. It is what we reach for with our arms and hold on to with our hands. It is where we go with our legs and where we stay with our feet (Romans 12:1). It is with our bodies that we give in to selfish urges and fall into addictive patterns, and it is with our bodies that we quit giving in to them.

There is what we do from the outside in when we offer ourselves sacrificially to God by the way we behave with our bodies. Then there is what God does in us from the inside out to completely transform us by the full renewing of our minds—literally rearranging our brain chemistry so as to empower us to live better and to think and feel healthier. God exchanges our desires and intentions with His desires and intentions. We then can resist self-centered addictive urges through the power of prayer and actually live in freedom, proving that God’s plan for us is perfect and beautiful. (Romans 12:1-2)

“Be transformed by the renewing of your minds” (Romans 12:2). The word “be” is a passive verb, meaning that it is not something we do but rather something that is done to us when we act sacrificially with our bodies committed to God’s way of behavior. Then what God does is completely transform our character and our thinking by rearranging the way our brain works, restoring it to what He created in the first place. The promise is of this transformation is that when we live according to our new God-given desires and objectives, both our behavior and what we think about and feel is healthy again. We are better having become well. We then prove in this new life that God’s plan for us is perfect and beautiful. This is how we can know and experience God’s will for us.

When we offer our bodies, meaning our physical strength to God as a living sacrifice, no longer committing our bodies to addictive patterns of behavior;

Then God completely transforms (metamorphoo) our hearts and our souls by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:1-2). Then we can love God with our whole being, and our neighbor as ourselves.

When we commit to change externally from the outside in, changing what we do (Romans 12:1-2a),

Then God changes us internally from the inside out, changing who we are and what we think (Romans 12:2).

When we delight in the Lord in our action,

Then God gives us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4) by changing what we want according to his will and purpose.

When we rejoice, celebrating our recovery in relationship with Christ, offering praise and presenting prayer requests with our mouths, as well as showing considerate acts of service with our physical ability;

Then God replaces our anxiety with peace to our souls, guarding (covering) our hearts and our minds by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, empowering us to do anything (Philippians 4:4-7, 13).

When we commit to doing the will of God,

Then God changes our intentions and motives, according to His will (Philippians 2:13).

When we take responsibility for our behavior, repenting of our guilt (godly sorrow),

Then God mercifully removes our shame (worldly sorrow) and pain (2 Corinthians 7:10).

When we seek to know and see Jesus through prayer and a lifestyle committed to his will,

Then Jesus Christ will turn our sorrow into joy (John 16:20-22).

When we are committed to action according to the will of God, as his will takes over in us converting our intentions into doing what he intends we do,

Then we can ask him for anything and he promises to grant our requests (John 15:7).

When we commit to behaving according to the will of God, imitating the model of recovery set for us by the life of His Son Jesus,

Then we have joy overflowing as true friends of God (John 15:9-16).

“That is why the Christian is in a different position from other people who are trying to be good. They hope, by being good, to please God if there is one; or, they hope to deserve approval from good men. But the Christian thinks any good he does comes from the Christ-life inside him. He does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us; just as the roof of a greenhouse does not attract the sun because it is bright, but becomes bright because the sun shines in it.”
—C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

These promises from the Bible reveal a when-then relationship. When we are committed to turning away from the things of our addictive flesh—outside-in change, then God is faithful to transforming us from the inside out. The original Greek translation for the word ‘transform’ is metamorphoo, meaning to metamorph from one thing into another; like a caterpillar changing into a butterfly.

Did you know that for the caterpillar to become a butterfly it is completely broken down into something of a goo (see “Something of a Goo” below), maintaining only the embryonic essentials necessary to be remade, rebuilt, reborn into something brand new that is beautiful and free. This miracle has a name; identified as “chrysalis”. In the same way, it is essential that we allow ourselves to be humbled and broken down, melted hearts and minds, to the point that we’ve no other option but to surrender to the process of transformation, rearranged and reformed into something beautiful… NEW LIFE.

As God transforms our character into a new person by changing how we think, it is like starting a new life. Not only do we act on what is healthy, mature, responsible, and godly, we want to willfully do that which pleases God. Whenever we do what pleases God it is always to our benefit, never to our detriment. That doesn’t mean we never have problems again. It means that we have his powerful support to manage and resolve problems and conflicts. When we commit our will to do the will of God, doing recovery God’s way, we do much better.

It is entirely possible with God’s help that when we pray with our mouths, and read the Bible, God’s written word, with our eyes, that our minds will be changed. We read in Romans 12:2 that the perfect will of God for you and for me is realized as we come to trust him completely and commit to our recovery his way. This is God’s way of challenging us to prove that his will for us is ideal. What an opportunity we have to experience all that God has and wants for us. Our lives make sense again as we commit to the sensible will of God and experience what God has for us in every facet of our livelihood.

Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient. We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures. Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other. But when God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of his grace he declared us righteous and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life. Titus 3:3-7 (NLT)

“Something of a Goo”

In order for the change from a caterpillar to a butterfly to take place within the pupa, the caterpillar begins releasing enzymes that literally digest nearly all of its own body. What’s left inside the chrysalis is mostly just a very nutrient rich soup from which the butterfly will begin to form.

It was thought until very recently that the caterpillar was completely converted to goo, excepting certain special cells necessary to create the butterfly body parts. This idea has recently been debunked with researchers at Georgetown University proving that moths retain at least some of the memories they had when they were caterpillars. For this to be the case, at least some of their memory storing neurons must survive the enzyme digestion process. Further, these neurons must somehow be incorporated into the moth or butterfly’s brain, which is quite a bit larger and more complex than a caterpillar’s brain.

Also left within the goo are very tiny imaginal disks, which are similar to embryonic cells. These disks are actually present within the caterpillar its whole life, but they stop growing at a certain point in the caterpillar’s development and only start again when it is time for the caterpillar to morph into a butterfly. Once the proper time comes, the imaginal disks use the nutrients from the digested body of the caterpillar as they form into different parts of the butterfly’s body, with different disks forming into different tissues. For instance, there are imaginal disks that will form the legs, antennae, specific organs, etc. of the butterfly. There are even four imaginal disks that form wings. If one of these forming wings is removed, the other three will simply adapt to form bigger wings to compensate for the loss of the one wing.

Once the process is complete, the imaginal disks ultimately replace nearly every part of the dissolved caterpillar’s body with new “parts”, forming the butterfly.