Bird Whisperer

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project

Remember that it is not enough to simply admit that our way of handling problems does not work. There is a component in most species where at some point in the course of fight or flight that they somehow realize that the struggle against an insurmountable foe is futile and it is time to “admit” defeat and give up the fight. That is the admission of powerlessness. Giving up the fight can mean we remain there to die, or we can submit to the care of a higher power to help win the fight. So at the heart of admitting our inadequacy and need is submission to a source of authority, power and strength that is not only bigger and stronger than we are, but is bigger and stronger than our adversary.

I was on my way into Heritage Counseling Center to meet a client one Sunday afternoon. In front of our facility was a wheelchair access ramp that is probably seventy-five feet long or so. It was enclosed with a roof with large windows facing outside. The entrance of the access ramp had a large opening without a door. As I approached the door that entered into the facility I saw a bird seemingly fighting for its life wanting to escape to freedom.

This small bird, perhaps the size of a sparrow, had flown deep into the access ramp to within six feet or so of the door that enters into the building from the ramp. I walked past the bird, I stood in front of the door, and watched it continually fly beak-first into the glass window as it attempted to fly away. On Sunday, no one else was entering or leaving the building except for me and my client who would be arriving in about a half-hour. I watched the small bird try again and again violently flapping its wings as it repeated the act of flying into the glass window. The bird’s adversary was the glass window. The window was pretty clear and it was obvious that the bird had no idea what was obstructing it. To the extent that the bird could logically reason its path, it must have appeared to the bird that nothing was preventing it from achieving its objective. The bird could see the other side but could not get there. The glass represented an obstruction that was impenetrable but the bird’s perspective was distorted and no matter how hard it tried and struggled, it was not flying through the glass barrier to freedom. So it would fly and bang into the glass window and land on the ledge in front of the window. Again and again this bird would fly and bang into the glass and land on the ledge.

Each time the bird flapped its wings it expected to find freedom, only to repeatedly bang into the glass window. The result each time was that it remained captive. These vain repetitious actions demonstrated by this bird got it nowhere. This bird tried to achieve recovery its own way over and over again, and while it expected a different result, that being freedom each time, it remained captive. As long as the bird could see freedom from this glass cage, it would continue in this insanity until it died trying.

After watching this for a couple of minutes, I walked right up to the bird next to the window as it was trying to fly through. It didn’t seem to even notice that I was standing there. I thought I could help the bird to recovery from its problem. I held my hand out onto the ledge in front of the window so when the bird landed it was in the palm of my hand. I tried to escort the bird toward freedom by carrying it in my hand toward the ramp’s entrance. The bird did not trust me. It did not comprehend that by submitting its will into my care it would be certain to recover from bondage into freedom. It flew again into the glass window not getting anywhere. I suppose the bird experienced a sense of desperate panic. Again and again it landed into my hand but still did not trust me enough to submit its will into my care as it continued to work at solving the problem its own way. After a couple of more minutes of this, the bird let me walk with it in my hand for a few feet before it would take off again only to fly into the next window that appeared to be the flight to freedom, only to hit the glass barrier again.

This went on a couple of more times until something changed within the will of this bird. This little bird stopped fighting. It apparently yielded its control, gave up the fight, and submitted its will into my care. I feared that if I squeezed my hand or hands around the bird that I would hurt it.

It probably took great courage on the part of this bird to trust me. Clearly, it is not the nature of a bird to reach out to a human being for help. I doubt it would have gone contrary to its nature to let go of the struggle to let me help it had I not persisted. Had it been persistent in fighting on its own to escape by fighting against me in my desire to help, at some point I would have let it go to do its own thing. It is our nature to fight on our own and resist help that is offered to us. Despite repeated failures, as sin addicts we tend to continue to use addictive behaviors as a means to fly through life’s barriers. The way seems clear until we bang into the obstruction blocking our escape. We become indwelled in it. It leads to greater barriers and increased anxiety and pain. Like the bird, we experience the futility and insanity of our efforts and remain captive.

I thought this bird story was pretty cool so I immediately called my wife to tell her about it. She called me “the bird whisperer”. That bird might never have found its way out of the crisis it was in and may have died trying. It was stuck in a cycle of insanity. Stuck in addiction we lose perspective. We no longer accurately see the bigger picture because of a distorted belief system. We tend to repeat the patterns of behavior that keep us bound in our problems. Lifestyle choices are made with the intention of finding relief to minimize discomfort, and then wham, we hit a barrier. Then there is another attempt to fly “high” to freedom, and then wham, we hit another barrier. The problems that lead us into bondage evoke thoughts and feelings that grow in intensity which results in problems being made worse and invariably additional problems.

The bird did not find relief until it seemingly trusted me and yielded its will and control over to me. I was bigger than the bird’s problem, and when the bird let go and submitted to me I delivered. I came through and led the bird to a better life. Is it possible that I was led by God to care for this bird? Before you laugh, look at what Jesus said to his disciples about God’s relationship with the birds of the air:

“What are five sparrows sold for, two copper coins? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. And the very hairs on your head are numbered. So don’t be afraid. You are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows…Look at the ravens. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to Him than any birds!” Luke 12:6-7, 24 (NLT)

God pays attention to all of his creation, even the birds. But he pays so much more attention to you and me. Jesus Christ did not die on the cross for birds. He died for us. The challenge for us is to recognize our need of God. The key is let go so God can do his thing in our lives to change us and restore us to a place of recovery. God is persistent in reaching out to us, but if we resist him, he will not force himself on us.

I shared my “bird whisperer” story with a client recently. I spoke of the insanity of repeatedly doing the same things expecting a positive result, only to keep falling into the same traps again and again. About the bird’s futile attempts to solve its problems in its own strength, only to repeatedly fail, my client said, “That’s exactly what I do.”

It is the constant learning process of letting go of our independence from God in order to grow in depending on God that leads to independence from the things that hold us captive. Jesus said, “I am the way,” yet we remain captive in our addictive lifestyle when we do not recognize him. As long as we perceive that our ways work, like the bird looking through a glass window as a clear path to relief and freedom, we tend to hold on and pursue recovery in our own strength just as the bird did. Yet when we let go and rest in the palm of God’s hand to carry us through, there is deliverance for us into a place of recovery as God restores our broken lives and puts us back together again.

Just as I was bigger than the bird’s obstacle that it couldn’t overcome that Sunday afternoon, God is so much bigger than any obstacle holding you down today, restraining you from a life of peace, joy and stability. It is God that holds it all together. Let him.

He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17 (NASB)

Trapped in a House on Fire!

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom for MEdom Project…

I admit that I like to play with matches in my house. It’s something I started doing as a child and for whatever reason I am still into it. I get gratification from the spark that comes with rubbing the tip of the match against the flint on the box and watching it light up. Flicking and throwing matches is pleasure for me. When I am in a dark place, the glow of the flame casts light into the darkness, affording me a sense of release and relief. You might say I have become hooked on the feeling that comes with playing with matches.

From time to time a match lands against something flammable and produces a little fire. When the little fires get together to form bigger fires it can become a problem. When that happens, I just go to another room in the house so I can forget about the room that’s on fire. I am a little bit concerned that playing with matches can lead to problems from time to time and I understand the need to exercise some caution.

The room I am in now is safe. I really need to light these matches. I always have a box of matches with me. Matches are important to me. They are a necessity. I just need to be more careful. So, here I go. I am playing with my matches… lighting them… flicking them. I am starting to feel something when the match comes in contact with something and causes it to burn. The fires I am causing are getting bigger until the entire room is on fire again. This ritualistic pattern continues from room to room until I am running out of rooms in the house to light matches in. The whole house is burning. The flames are out of control. The smoke is so thick that I can’t see anything.

I think I might be trapped.  I think I might be in trouble.

I am trapped in a house on fire… thick flames and smoke is all around me… everything is on fire. I admit I am powerless to the fire, but there is nowhere to go. I am on the floor breathing my last breaths as smoke and flames are overtaking me. There are those that live near my house that must see that it’s on fire.

I shout out, “Someone, help me! I am trapped in this house!” I even call out to God, “God, help me! Send someone!”

Then suddenly it happens. Someone is lifting to my feet. It’s the fireman! He is equipped to not get burned. He wraps me in his coat, puts an oxygen mask over my face and says, “Let’s go… come with me!” There is no doubt in my mind that I am not better off without the fireman. I believe, or at least hope enough, that the fireman can and will rescue me if I give up and go with him. I suppose I could look back or try to hold on to some things in the house; maybe grab onto some things I can carry with me. Then the fireman says, “Let go… it’s too heavy… and besides, it’s all on fire!” I decide that the fireman is right and I let go and do what he says to do, and go where he says to go.

The house is my life and the fire is my addiction… my selfish sense of entitlement that leads me to believe that it is my right to play with matches if I want to. The fireman is my higher power that saved me from my addiction. I look back at my life and it’s smoldering. It’s in ruins. From the place I am in now, having been rescued from the flames, I see that I have been burned by the fire. Burned bad… I hurt. I am in severe pain. I can barely move.

I look back at the fireman and he is different. He is dressed like a doctor. The doctor helps me to heal. I look at myself and see that I am much better. I look back at him and he is dressed like a construction worker. He is wearing a tool belt and hard hat. He also has a tool belt and hard hat for me, and says to me lovingly, “Let’s go… we have work to do.” He is committed, and he wants to know if I am committed to working on rebuilding the house that is my life. Once I surrender to the process of putting my life back together with the tools from the builder, He commits to working with me to do the work to rebuild my life until it is working better than ever.

Every day, as I surrender to my higher power in recovery, compelled by loving kindness, my Higher Power is committed to me and the work of rebuilding the house that is my life… it was a cottage; but I have seen the blue print… my life’s not a cottage according to these plans… it’s a castle!

Once I have moved into the new house that is my new life I am motivated to live in a way that is consistent with my new life. But to my surprise and disappointment, I continue to set fires in my new house. I still want to play with matches. Sometimes I am obsessed with getting the feeling back that had me hooked.

But something wonderful is different about my new life. I have invited and welcomed into my house the fireman, the doctor, and the builder. He is actually one person but where’s all three hats and is equipped to put out fires, treat my wounds, and restore the places in my house that get burned from time to time. He is also a teacher helping me to learn about my character flaws and teaching me how to live. He is a trainer helping me to get in shape with a healthy diet of what I allow into my thoughts. He is an advocate when I need representation when confronted by my conscience.  He is a counselor when I need someone to listen to me and affords me the wisdom to discern when I am wrong and to work out my problems. He helps me to let go of resentments that can produce really bad fires. He has shown me that it is not only about receiving grace but extending to others in need of it. He is all that and so much more when I let go and am willing to surrender.

It’s usually said that the 3^rd step is the hardest of the 12 steps. The illustration of the fireman as the rescuer from a life on fire suggests that the 3^rd step is the easiest of the steps. What is so difficult is that I don’t pay enough attention to the problems caused by and made worse by playing with matches; or worse, I see fires burning all over the house but don’t act to put them out until the fires become one massive fire raging out of control and I am powerless and desperately in need of help. When the help comes when I am desperate enough, surrender makes the most sense; it comes easy as if I have no other choice. The issue is that I might not realize my need until it’s too late and I am consumed by the fire.

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Romans 7:18-24 (NLT)

Addicted to sin… a slave to sin, according to the fireman (John 8:34), I am the arsonist. To continue to trust myself to on my own overcome addiction is to put my faith in the arsonist instead of the fireman. How insane is that?

Don’t ever wait too long to call on the fireman. Call on him, today.

So… imagine your life is a house and your addiction (ultimately to self) is the fire burning it down. Everything inside your life is on fire. Only Jesus Christ can restore your life into something whole again.

Come to Your Senses (Restorative Recovery)

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project and NLX 101…

If you haven’t already, I recommend that you read the articles posted to FFMP entitled, Guilt and Shame, Scabs and Scars and Caged by Shame. These articles speak to the matter of guilt and shame and the differences between them. Guilt can be a vehicle for restored health by recognizing mistakes, learning from them, and taking responsibility to initiate changes and implement healthy disciplines for the purpose of repentance and growth. Shame, on the other hand, is the device of our internal self-centered devices, as well as a primary vehicle of our spiritual adversary to drive us into ourselves, internalizing our flaws and failures, and even the circumstances in our world to somehow define us to the point that we buy in to irrational beliefs about it all. Shame is the driving force behind self-condemnation that ultimately debilitates and ruins us.    

 

Jesus knew this matter of self-condemnation would be a problem for us so he told us about a very wealthy father who had two sons. One of his son’s became uncomfortable with all that he had, and the way things were, and chose to leave and do his own thing his own way. He asked his dad if he could receive right now the inheritance that he would receive when his father died. Then, he thought he would have it all, everything he needed, and he would not be uncomfortable. Besides, money and possessions would mean power and control. Driven by an escalated sense of entitlement, the son would be able to do what he wanted, when he wanted to do it, without anyone telling him what to do. He wanted the control of his own life and destiny, motivated by discontentment, in order to minimize his discomfort.   

 

Jesus said, “A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Give the portion of goods that falls to me.’ So he divided to them his livelihood. And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living.” Luke 15:11-13 (NKJV)  

 

“I was so obsessed with me and the reasons that I might be dissatisfied that I couldn’t focus on other people… What I trace this to is a certain selfishness on my part.” —Barack Obama

The son left his family, and everything that was good, well, and secure, to go do his own thing. The problem, though, was that all this power and control was as addictive then as it is today. He could not stop once his brain was fueled by lust and greed and put into drive. It took more of his self-centered pursuits in an addictive lifestyle to overcome discomfort and dissatisfaction. This young adult man was so obsessed with the reasons of his dissatisfaction and repeatedly made destructive lifestyle choices necessary to conquer his problem. The Bible says he wasted what he had on “prodigal” living, including his participation in drunken sexual escapades with prostitutes.   

 

Words that describe “prodigal” living are: wayward, meaningless, self-indulgent, riotous, corrupt, wasteful, reckless, uncontrolled, degenerate, immoral, wicked, and depraved, to name a few. These words might also be descriptive of lifestyle patterns of our addictive behavior from lifestyle choices to address our obsession with dissatisfaction.

But then this son began to squander and lose everything he had and was lost in the cycle of addictive living. There are those stuck in addiction that know exactly what I am talking about, and others in recovery from addiction that know exactly what I am talking about. As we become more and more indulgent in addictive behavior, it develops into a lifestyle and the problems mount and life becomes a continuous struggle just to survive. Self-indulgent, reckless behavior may appear to be a good time at the beginning, but as it becomes a pattern of behavior and evolves into a lifestyle, the trappings of an uncontrolled addictive lifestyle and culture creep in a little at a time until they take over, and the addictive lifestyle costs outweigh its benefits.

This is what the lost son in the Bible came to understand as well. Not only did he experience the direct effects of an addictive lifestyle that contributed to his destruction in life, but there was an occurrence that came out of left field that he did not expect. He had already run low on his resources when a famine hit the land and wiped out whatever resources he had left.

“But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country who sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would have gladly filled his stomach with the pods (husks, shells) that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything. Luke 15:14-16 (NKJV)  

  

Addicts in pain understand that this is how it is. It’s bad enough that our behavior as self-absorbed addicts has its direct effects but then we often find ourselves in the wrong place at the wrong time and it goes from bad to worse and then even worse. For the lost prodigal son that Jesus was talking about, a famine had hit the area where he made his home at the worst possible time, and it left him with nothing. He had to get a job caring for the pigs of an acquaintance. He could not even afford to eat the same “food” that he fed those pigs.    

 

When he was with his dad, he had it all. His father was a wealthy man who treated his sons well and blessed them from the love in his heart that a father has for his sons. When this son ran off with his portion of his father’s wealth without the loving guidance of his father, he couldn’t handle it. He took what was meant for good and chose unwisely and poorly, resulting in his undoing.  

 

Do you remember that Adam and Eve had it all, everything in the garden God provided them, but became uncomfortable when it was brought to their attention that they could have more? Do you remember that they essentially wanted the one thing that God had that in their hands would be their doom? God knew what they could not handle. They chose unwisely and poorly, and it was their undoing. Jesus tells this story of a man that bit a lot more than what he could chew, and, like Adam and Eve, what he bit into got the best of him, almost killing him.   

 

Listen to what Jesus says about this young man who lost everything and how his father responded.

 

“But when he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food enough to spare, and I perish with hunger? I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against God and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.’ And he arose and went to his father.

But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had great compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father I have sinned against God and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.” Luke 15:17-24 (NKJV)

 

Here is an opportunity to introduce the ABC principles of recovery right here in this wonderful story of the activation of the promise of God to empower us in recovery when we admit, believe, and commit. These are the necessary steps to help us recognize the responsibility for our mistakes, for which we are indeed guilty. Once we come to believe that the one we are responsible to, loves us enough to forgive us, it becomes bearable to admit our mistakes without the hopeless shame we tend to link with our failures—failed expectations.

 

Admit – The son admitted his way of handling what his father had given him did not work. The Bible says he came to his senses. I believe the son hit rock bottom and hurt bad enough to seek help. I suppose there was a period of ambivalence where he may have been conflicted between the pleasure he experienced with his booze, drugs and women; and the life of peace and stability he could have if he turned from his ways and returned to what he knew was of greater benefit. This really hit home with him when he realized that even his dad’s hired help had been better cared for than the care he was getting on his own (Luke 15:17).  

 

Believe – The son believed that his father could care for him in a way that no one else could and that the only resolution to his mess was to return to his dad, admit that he blew it, and ask for forgiveness in the hope that his father would indeed forgive him (Luke 15:17-18). He believed that becoming dependent on his father was his only real hope for a new life of recovery. He believed in his heart (his gut, his inner man) that his dad’s way worked.   

 

Commit – The son did not just talk about what he needed to do to be restored by his father into a place of recovery, rather he committed himself to doing it. He left the addictive lifestyle that left him hungry and devastated, and returned to the one who could rescue him from himself. In fact, he committed to the care and also the will of his father, when he said, “Make me like one of your servants.” (Luke 15:19) The son was humbled and willing to do whatever it took to be successful in his recovery. Truth be told, he did what he had to do for a meal. But recovery was the payoff.

Best Robe – Upon arriving, the father immediately had his servants bring his son the best robe. The best robe in this story represents the robe of righteousness.The father was committed to helping in his son’s recovery. The son was lost in his own choices and behavior. He was dead in his shame. His father expressed compassionate mercy becoming reconciled with his son by covering him with his own righteousness. In other words, it was the goodness of the father that made his son good. The son would no longer carry the weight of his shame since his father removed it and replaced it with his goodness. The best robe of righteousness that Father God has put on us to cover our sin is his son, Jesus Christ. We wear the righteousness of Jesus when we return to our Father who is in heaven. 

 

Signet Ring – The father then ordered that a ring be placed on his son’s finger. The ring was a signet ring that meant that the son was restored into the family once again as an heir to his father’s estate. This is an astounding statement of a father’s love for his son—“Everything that is mine is yours, my son”. Everything the father owned would once again be inherited by his son now that the son’s debt of disobedience was forgiven. This reconciliation meant that there was full recovery of their relationship.

 

Sandals – The son arrived barefoot and his dad had the servants put sandals on his feet. Only permanent members of the family wore sandals, while the employees were barefoot in the master’s house. The sandals were a symbol of affirmation that the young man was back home. He no longer was the lost son—the dead son—but was alive. He was the found son. He was family.

 

Feast – Finally, the father told his servants to kill and prepare the fatted calf for a feast. This meant that they would be celebrating a very special occasion. The father proclaimed with joy, “My son was dead (in his independence from the father) and is alive again (in his dependence on the father). He was lost (in addictive shame) and now is found (in relationship). Let’s celebrate!” (Luke 15:24).

 

The point of this story is to recognize that Jesus is talking about our relationship with God. We are born into this world with the opportunity to submit to God in the person of Jesus Christ who has it all, and desires to show his favor on us and bless us with the riches of heaven. He wants us to be full of life. So why do we continually squander what God desires for us when we determine to live life our own way in an effort to minimize our discontented mindset? Why do we fall prey to selfish sin, and allow it to take hold of us?   

 

We have a fallen nature prone to addictive sin—the logical cause and effect of compensating for our dissatisfaction and the failed expectations we have of ourselves. It takes over our lifestyle until it finally ruins us and we hit bottom. When we finally hurt badly enough, we might just admit that we are powerless and are resigned to die in our shame. We must reach out to God who loves us more than we can know. He is compassionate, always faithful to forgive us and give us a shot at a new life through his plan of recovery, which begins by restoring us into relationship with him. Our way of thinking leads to disorder (James 3:16) and emptiness, while God’s way of recovery leads to peace and fulfillment. When we finally comprehend that letting go of our failed expectations means submitting to the will of our Sympathetic Savior Jesus Christ, we can know that he has set our captive hearts free. It is in submitting to recovery God’s way that we can finally realize freedom.     

 

God cannot wait to set us free. He wants to set you free from your addiction to you. When he receives us back into his family, he showers us with his incredible love through blessings from heaven. Whenever one who was lost returns home to the family, there is a party in heaven. It is at home that we are free. All that is his is ours, freely given by him.

 

“I say to you there is joy in heaven in the presence of angels over one sinner who repents.” Luke 15:10 (NKJV)  

 

Permanent of God’s family

One fact validated by the words of Jesus Christ himself is that he has the authority to set us free once and for all and that we are adopted into his family permanently. God has adorned you and me with the robe of Christ’s righteousness. He has placed the ring of the inheritance of the full blessings of heaven onto our fingers, and has placed sandals on our feet, spiritually speaking, as indicative of our position as permanent members of the family of God. Jesus said,   

 

“A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is part of the family forever. So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.” John 8:35-36 (NLT)  

 

Our problem is that we don’t readily accept that we are slaves of anything until we are wiped out by it, and drowning in the wake of its shame. Receive this word today. Let it resonate with you. Freedom comes from knowing Jesus. He has liberated us from a life of addiction to sin and shame. Quit crawling back into the cage of shame clinging to the memories and methods of your past. Let it go. Let go of failed expectations and reach out to Jesus. Let him heal your wounds. His expectation for you is that you receive forgiveness from him and live with peace and joy in his grace.   

 

We all eventually understand the reality of hell we are living in. The prodigal son from the Bible came to believe in hell when his circumstances deteriorated to the extent that he was coveting the food he was feeding pigs. He knew hell when he had lost everything due to his addiction to overcoming dissatisfaction.  

 

The point is that it does us absolutely no good not to give your shame to Jesus Christ to free you from it. Let the price that Jesus paid for your addictive sin be enough. Receive his forgiveness and be free to start a new life. Be willing to let go of all of it and let God love you. Submit your life to his compassionate mercy. Let go and let Jesus take you upward from your hell into a new stable life of peace, freedom, and joy.  

 

I Can “Manage” Just Fine

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project…

“I was so obsessed with me and the reasons that I might be dissatisfied that I couldn’t focus on other people… What I trace this to is a certain selfishness on my part.” —Barack Obama

Being obsessed with me and the reasons I might be dissatisfied is forged from a core belief of entitlement—I want it, believe I need it, therefore I deserve it. Entitlement suggests that I “need” control. Entitled expectation’s appetite for control craves validation. I must be right. Disappointment (failed expectations), anger, impatience, and fear stem from the absence of control, as do emotions such as aggravation, boredom, and frustration. Rage, resentment, vindication, and vengeance are emotional responses to the absence of control. Feeling accepted, esteemed, even loved for that matter, is embattled in a quest for privilege (advantage). It all hinges on buying into the illusion that control is possible. To not have control is to be anxious and distressed without it. Distress is unsettling and rather painful, toxic to my system, cues internal symptoms that trigger impulsive reactions, which contribute to more (and often severe) problems. Pain is inconvenient, adds to my stress, and is increasingly dissatisfying.

FREEdom from MEdom Project (FFMP) was developed to help you and your family experience reasonable steps to recovery from patterns of behavior that tend to recycle the deepening dissatisfaction of daily routines and experiences. The objective is to help you access the One who can and will light the way to freedom through recovery God’s way. He is the light in your darkness. He is the truth staring into the face of the lies you’ve come to believe about yourself and the world you live in.

What we like to believe is within our control to “manage” is too often an illusion that feeds into the delusion that we are in control of our life. So it’s a surprise when things, even the simpler things, take a turn and veer into oncoming traffic forcing us to collide head on into most difficult and troubling challenges.

“I would like to believe that for the most part I am in control of most things in my life. I better be. I’m not sure what I will do if things are outside of my control. Of course, the weather and things happening around the world; those kinds of things are not under my control, but I would say that most things are. Alright, so I can’t control what my wife is thinking… what she’s feeeeeling. I learned a lesson the first time around. These days most things are under my control; at least I’ve got a handle on things. I manage… I manage well enough.

“What about my children, you ask? They’re good kids. They make their share of mistakes of course; experiment with certain experiences, struggle some in relationships, make questionable financial and professional decisions now that they’re grown, but they’re doing alright. Okay, so I can’t control the choices of my children, but whatever mistakes I’ve made with them, I’ll make it up by the way I help with my perfect little grandchildren. Once again, I’ll manage.

“Things are good at work. It got a little tense there for awhile. I got behind on a few things, but I bounced back. It was never too unmanageable. My boss believed in me. He showed me some ‘tough love’ along the way to help me get back on track but things worked out. My performance improved. My clients were happy. They didn’t know anything was wrong. Not like before at my last job when they trumped up some ridiculous “charges” to get rid of me.  This time there was no concern there as far as I could tell. Yes, there were days when I ran around with butterflies in my stomach but I wouldn’t call it anxiety. I’m no victim. I wasn’t too worried about it.

“It’s all good. I’ve got things back under control. It’s all good. I can manage just fine. Don’t worry about me. I can handle it. The day I can’t is the day it all crashes down. That won’t happen.”

• As you read the above, as general as maybe it is, what kinds of thoughts and feelings did it stir up in you?
• Rewrite what you read above into your story. You can keep it brief or you can include a few details; that’s up to you. Write about how you manage to handle things.
• On the surface, what do you think you can be doing to manage things better? What will it take to “manage” just fine?
• Look again at the anecdote above. What can you say about what the man had control over?
• What did he say that indicated a lack, or even absence, of control?
• Looking again at your story, what would you say you were or are in control over?
• What would you admit are outside of your control?
• What did you leave out of your story that is outside of your control, or just plain out of control?

If you want to read a story of a man who thought he was in control as the King of Israel, read 2 Samuel about the life of King David. For this lesson, let’s focus on David’s pursuit of Uriah’s wife, Bathsheba.

David and Bathsheba

11 In the spring of the year, when kings normally go out to war, David sent Joab and the Israelite army to fight the Ammonites. They destroyed the Ammonite army and laid siege to the city of Rabbah. However, David stayed behind in Jerusalem.

² Late one afternoon, after his midday rest, David got out of bed and was walking on the roof of the palace. As he looked out over the city, he noticed a woman of unusual beauty taking a bath. ³ He sent someone to find out who she was, and he was told, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” ⁴ Then David sent messengers to get her; and when she came to the palace, he slept with her. She had just completed the purification rites after having her menstrual period. Then she returned home. ⁵ Later, when Bathsheba discovered that she was pregnant, she sent David a message, saying, “I’m pregnant.”

⁶ Then David sent word to Joab: “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” So Joab sent him to David. ⁷ When Uriah arrived, David asked him how Joab and the army were getting along and how the war was progressing.⁸ Then he told Uriah, “Go on home and relax.” David even sent a gift to Uriah after he had left the palace. ⁹ But Uriah didn’t go home. He slept that night at the palace entrance with the king’s palace guard.

¹⁰ When David heard that Uriah had not gone home, he summoned him and asked, “What’s the matter? Why didn’t you go home last night after being away for so long?”

¹¹ Uriah replied, “The Ark and the armies of Israel and Judah are living in tents, and Joab and my master’s men are camping in the open fields. How could I go home to wine and dine and sleep with my wife? I swear that I would never do such a thing.”

¹² “Well, stay here today,” David told him, “and tomorrow you may return to the army.” So Uriah stayed in Jerusalem that day and the next. ¹³ Then David invited him to dinner and got him drunk. But even then he couldn’t get Uriah to go home to his wife. Again he slept at the palace entrance with the king’s palace guard.

David Arranges for Uriah’s Death

¹⁴ So the next morning David wrote a letter to Joab and gave it to Uriah to deliver. ¹⁵ The letter instructed Joab, “Station Uriah on the front lines where the battle is fiercest. Then pull back so that he will be killed.” ¹⁶ So Joab assigned Uriah to a spot close to the city wall where he knew the enemy’s strongest men were fighting. ¹⁷ And when the enemy soldiers came out of the city to fight, Uriah the Hittite was killed along with several other Israelite soldiers.

¹⁸ Then Joab sent a battle report to David. ¹⁹ He told his messenger, “Report all the news of the battle to the king. ²⁰ But he might get angry and ask, ‘Why did the troops go so close to the city? Didn’t they know there would be shooting from the walls? ²¹ Wasn’t Abimelech son of Gideon killed at Thebez by a woman who threw a millstone down on him from the wall? Why would you get so close to the wall?’ Then tell him, ‘Uriah the Hittite was killed, too.’”

²² So the messenger went to Jerusalem and gave a complete report to David. ²³ “The enemy came out against us in the open fields,” he said. “And as we chased them back to the city gate, ²⁴ the archers on the wall shot arrows at us. Some of the king’s men were killed, including Uriah the Hittite.”

²⁵ “Well, tell Joab not to be discouraged,” David said. “The sword devours this one today and that one tomorrow! Fight harder next time, and conquer the city!”

²⁶ When Uriah’s wife heard that her husband was dead, she mourned for him. ²⁷ When the period of mourning was over, David sent for her and brought her to the palace, and she became one of his wives. Then she gave birth to a son. But the Lord was displeased with what David had done.

• What would you say David believed was within his control?
• List and describe what things you would say proved to be outside of David’s control?
• Describe how things completely when out of control?
• How did what David thought was within his control end up being irrational and unrealistic?
• If you did read the rest of 2nd Samuel, what appears to be the consequences of David’s life gone mad; out of control?
• Again, if you did read the rest of 2nd Samuel, at what point would you say that David admitted he was not in control? When would you say that David surrendered control over to the care of God? Explain.

Hint: If you read 2 Samuel 13, you have a pretty good idea how things unraveled for David.

2 Samuel 13 (NLT)

The Rape of Tamar

1 Now David’s son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar. And Amnon, her half brother, fell desperately in love with her. 2 Amnon became so obsessed with Tamar that he became ill. She was a virgin, and Amnon thought he could never have her.

3 But Amnon had a very crafty friend—his cousin Jonadab. He was the son of David’s brother Shimea. 4 One day Jonadab said to Amnon, “What’s the trouble? Why should the son of a king look so dejected morning after morning?”

So Amnon told him, “I am in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”

5 “Well,” Jonadab said, “I’ll tell you what to do. Go back to bed and pretend you are ill. When your father comes to see you, ask him to let Tamar come and prepare some food for you. Tell him you’ll feel better if she prepares it as you watch and feeds you with her own hands.”

6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be sick. And when the king came to see him, Amnon asked him, “Please let my sister Tamar come and cook my favorite dish as I watch. Then I can eat it from her own hands.” 7 So David agreed and sent Tamar to Amnon’s house to prepare some food for him.

8 When Tamar arrived at Amnon’s house, she went to the place where he was lying down so he could watch her mix some dough. Then she baked his favorite dish for him. 9 But when she set the serving tray before him, he refused to eat. “Everyone get out of here,” Amnon told his servants. So they all left.

10 Then he said to Tamar, “Now bring the food into my bedroom and feed it to me here.” So Tamar took his favorite dish to him. 11 But as she was feeding him, he grabbed her and demanded, “Come to bed with me, my darling sister.”

12 “No, my brother!” she cried. “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me! Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel. 13 Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me.”

14 But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her. 15 Then suddenly Amnon’s love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her. “Get out of here!” he snarled at her.

16 “No, no!” Tamar cried. “Sending me away now is worse than what you’ve already done to me.”

But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her. 17 He shouted for his servant and demanded, “Throw this woman out, and lock the door behind her!”

18 So the servant put her out and locked the door behind her. She was wearing a long, beautiful robe, as was the custom in those days for the king’s virgin daughters. 19 But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying.

20 Her brother Absalom saw her and asked, “Is it true that Amnon has been with you? Well, my sister, keep quiet for now, since he’s your brother. Don’t you worry about it.” So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house.

21 When King David heard what had happened, he was very angry. 22 And though Absalom never spoke to Amnon about this, he hated Amnon deeply because of what he had done to his sister.

Absalom’s Revenge on Amnon

23 Two years later, when Absalom’s sheep were being sheared at Baal-hazor near Ephraim, Absalom invited all the king’s sons to come to a feast. 24 He went to the king and said, “My sheep-shearers are now at work. Would the king and his servants please come to celebrate the occasion with me?”

25 The king replied, “No, my son. If we all came, we would be too much of a burden on you.” Absalom pressed him, but the king would not come, though he gave Absalom his blessing.

26 “Well, then,” Absalom said, “if you can’t come, how about sending my brother Amnon with us?”

“Why Amnon?” the king asked. 27 But Absalom kept on pressing the king until he finally agreed to let all his sons attend, including Amnon. So Absalom prepared a feast fit for a king.

28 Absalom told his men, “Wait until Amnon gets drunk; then at my signal, kill him! Don’t be afraid. I’m the one who has given the command. Take courage and do it!” 29 So at Absalom’s signal they murdered Amnon. Then the other sons of the king jumped on their mules and fled.

30 As they were on the way back to Jerusalem, this report reached David: “Absalom has killed all the king’s sons; not one is left alive!” 31 The king got up, tore his robe, and threw himself on the ground. His advisers also tore their clothes in horror and sorrow.

32 But just then Jonadab, the son of David’s brother Shimea, arrived and said, “No, don’t believe that all the king’s sons have been killed! It was only Amnon! Absalom has been plotting this ever since Amnon raped his sister Tamar. 33 No, my lord the king, your sons aren’t all dead! It was only Amnon.” 34 Meanwhile Absalom escaped.

Then the watchman on the Jerusalem wall saw a great crowd coming down the hill on the road from the west. He ran to tell the king, “I see a crowd of people coming from the Horonaim road along the side of the hill.”

35 “Look!” Jonadab told the king. “There they are now! The king’s sons are coming, just as I said.”

36 They soon arrived, weeping and sobbing, and the king and all his servants wept bitterly with them. 37 And David mourned many days for his son Amnon.

Absalom fled to his grandfather, Talmai son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur. 38 He stayed there in Geshur for three years. 39 And King David, now reconciled to Amnon’s death, longed to be reunited with his son Absalom.

2 Samuel 15 (NLT)

Absalom’s Rebellion

1 After this, Absalom bought a chariot and horses, and he hired fifty bodyguards to run ahead of him. 2 He got up early every morning and went out to the gate of the city. When people brought a case to the king for judgment, Absalom would ask where in Israel they were from, and they would tell him their tribe. 3 Then Absalom would say, “You’ve really got a strong case here! It’s too bad the king doesn’t have anyone to hear it. 4 I wish I were the judge. Then everyone could bring their cases to me for judgment, and I would give them justice!”

5 When people tried to bow before him, Absalom wouldn’t let them. Instead, he took them by the hand and kissed them. 6 Absalom did this with everyone who came to the king for judgment, and so he stole the hearts of all the people of Israel.

7 After four years, Absalom said to the king, “Let me go to Hebron to offer a sacrifice to the Lord and fulfill a vow I made to him. 8 For while your servant was at Geshur in Aram, I promised to sacrifice to the Lord in Hebron if he would bring me back to Jerusalem.”

9 “All right,” the king told him. “Go and fulfill your vow.”

So Absalom went to Hebron. 10 But while he was there, he sent secret messengers to all the tribes of Israel to stir up a rebellion against the king. “As soon as you hear the ram’s horn,” his message read, “you are to say, ‘Absalom has been crowned king in Hebron.’” 11 He took 200 men from Jerusalem with him as guests, but they knew nothing of his intentions. 12 While Absalom was offering the sacrifices, he sent for Ahithophel, one of David’s counselors who lived in Giloh. Soon many others also joined Absalom, and the conspiracy gained momentum.

David Escapes from Jerusalem

13 A messenger soon arrived in Jerusalem to tell David, “All Israel has joined Absalom in a conspiracy against you!”

14 “Then we must flee at once, or it will be too late!” David urged his men. “Hurry! If we get out of the city before Absalom arrives, both we and the city of Jerusalem will be spared from disaster.”

15 “We are with you,” his advisers replied. “Do what you think is best.”

16 So the king and all his household set out at once. He left no one behind except ten of his concubines to look after the palace. 17 The king and all his people set out on foot, pausing at the last house 18 to let all the king’s men move past to lead the way. There were 600 men from Gath who had come with David, along with the king’s bodyguard.

19 Then the king turned and said to Ittai, a leader of the men from Gath, “Why are you coming with us? Go on back to King Absalom, for you are a guest in Israel, a foreigner in exile. 20 You arrived only recently, and should I force you today to wander with us? I don’t even know where we will go. Go on back and take your kinsmen with you, and may the Lord show you his unfailing love and faithfulness.”

21 But Ittai said to the king, “I vow by the Lord and by your own life that I will go wherever my lord the king goes, no matter what happens—whether it means life or death.”

22 David replied, “All right, come with us.” So Ittai and all his men and their families went along.

23 Everyone cried loudly as the king and his followers passed by. They crossed the Kidron Valley and then went out toward the wilderness.

24 Zadok and all the Levites also came along, carrying the Ark of the Covenant of God. They set down the Ark of God, and Abiathar offered sacrifices until everyone had passed out of the city.

25 Then the king instructed Zadok to take the Ark of God back into the city. “If the Lord sees fit,” David said, “he will bring me back to see the Ark and the Tabernacle again. 26 But if he is through with me, then let him do what seems best to him.”

27 The king also told Zadok the priest, “Look, here is my plan. You and Abiathar should return quietly to the city with your son Ahimaaz and Abiathar’s son Jonathan. 28 I will stop at the shallows of the Jordan River and wait there for a report from you.” 29 So Zadok and Abiathar took the Ark of God back to the city and stayed there.

30 David walked up the road to the Mount of Olives, weeping as he went. His head was covered and his feet were bare as a sign of mourning. And the people who were with him covered their heads and wept as they climbed the hill. 31 When someone told David that his adviser Ahithophel was now backing Absalom, David prayed, “O Lord, let Ahithophel give Absalom foolish advice!”

32 When David reached the summit of the Mount of Olives where people worshiped God, Hushai the Arkite was waiting there for him. Hushai had torn his clothing and put dirt on his head as a sign of mourning. 33 But David told him, “If you go with me, you will only be a burden. 34 Return to Jerusalem and tell Absalom, ‘I will now be your adviser, O king, just as I was your father’s adviser in the past.’ Then you can frustrate and counter Ahithophel’s advice. 35 Zadok and Abiathar, the priests, will be there. Tell them about the plans being made in the king’s palace, 36 and they will send their sons Ahimaaz and Jonathan to tell me what is going on.”

37 So David’s friend Hushai returned to Jerusalem, getting there just as Absalom arrived.

2 Samuel 18 (NLT)

Absalom’s Defeat and Death

1 David now mustered the men who were with him and appointed generals and captains to lead them. 2 He sent the troops out in three groups, placing one group under Joab, one under Joab’s brother Abishai son of Zeruiah, and one under Ittai, the man from Gath. The king told his troops, “I am going out with you.”

3 But his men objected strongly. “You must not go,” they urged. “If we have to turn and run—and even if half of us die—it will make no difference to Absalom’s troops; they will be looking only for you. You are worth 10,000 of us, and it is better that you stay here in the town and send help if we need it.”

4 “If you think that’s the best plan, I’ll do it,” the king answered. So he stood alongside the gate of the town as all the troops marched out in groups of hundreds and of thousands.

5 And the king gave this command to Joab, Abishai, and Ittai: “For my sake, deal gently with young Absalom.” And all the troops heard the king give this order to his commanders.

6 So the battle began in the forest of Ephraim, 7 and the Israelite troops were beaten back by David’s men. There was a great slaughter that day, and 20,000 men laid down their lives. 8 The battle raged all across the countryside, and more men died because of the forest than were killed by the sword.

9 During the battle, Absalom happened to come upon some of David’s men. He tried to escape on his mule, but as he rode beneath the thick branches of a great tree, his hair got caught in the tree. His mule kept going and left him dangling in the air. 10 One of David’s men saw what had happened and told Joab, “I saw Absalom dangling from a great tree.”

11 “What?” Joab demanded. “You saw him there and didn’t kill him? I would have rewarded you with ten pieces of silver and a hero’s belt!”

12 “I would not kill the king’s son for even a thousand pieces of silver,” the man replied to Joab. “We all heard the king say to you and Abishai and Ittai, ‘For my sake, please spare young Absalom.’ 13 And if I had betrayed the king by killing his son—and the king would certainly find out who did it—you yourself would be the first to abandon me.”

14 “Enough of this nonsense,” Joab said. Then he took three daggers and plunged them into Absalom’s heart as he dangled, still alive, in the great tree. 15 Ten of Joab’s young armor bearers then surrounded Absalom and killed him.

16 Then Joab blew the ram’s horn, and his men returned from chasing the army of Israel. 17 They threw Absalom’s body into a deep pit in the forest and piled a great heap of stones over it. And all Israel fled to their homes.

18 During his lifetime, Absalom had built a monument to himself in the King’s Valley, for he said, “I have no son to carry on my name.” He named the monument after himself, and it is known as Absalom’s Monument to this day.

David Mourns Absalom’s Death

19 Then Zadok’s son Ahimaaz said, “Let me run to the king with the good news that the Lord has rescued him from his enemies.”

20 “No,” Joab told him, “it wouldn’t be good news to the king that his son is dead. You can be my messenger another time, but not today.”

21 Then Joab said to a man from Ethiopia, “Go tell the king what you have seen.” The man bowed and ran off.

22 But Ahimaaz continued to plead with Joab, “Whatever happens, please let me go, too.”

“Why should you go, my son?” Joab replied. “There will be no reward for your news.”

23 “Yes, but let me go anyway,” he begged.

Joab finally said, “All right, go ahead.” So Ahimaaz took the less demanding route by way of the plain and ran to Mahanaim ahead of the Ethiopian.

24 While David was sitting between the inner and outer gates of the town, the watchman climbed to the roof of the gateway by the wall. As he looked, he saw a lone man running toward them. 25 He shouted the news down to David, and the king replied, “If he is alone, he has news.”

As the messenger came closer, 26 the watchman saw another man running toward them. He shouted down, “Here comes another one!”

The king replied, “He also will have news.”

27 “The first man runs like Ahimaaz son of Zadok,” the watchman said.

“He is a good man and comes with good news,” the king replied.

28 Then Ahimaaz cried out to the king, “Everything is all right!” He bowed before the king with his face to the ground and said, “Praise to the Lord your God, who has handed over the rebels who dared to stand against my lord the king.”

29 “What about young Absalom?” the king demanded. “Is he all right?”

Ahimaaz replied, “When Joab told me to come, there was a lot of commotion. But I didn’t know what was happening.”

30 “Wait here,” the king told him. So Ahimaaz stepped aside.

31 Then the man from Ethiopia arrived and said, “I have good news for my lord the king. Today the Lord has rescued you from all those who rebelled against you.”

32 “What about young Absalom?” the king demanded. “Is he all right?”

And the Ethiopian replied, “May all of your enemies, my lord the king, both now and in the future, share the fate of that young man!”

33 The king was overcome with emotion. He went up to the room over the gateway and burst into tears. And as he went, he cried, “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you! O Absalom, my son, my son.”

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2 (NLT)

In TWIRL 46 you were able to investigate the issues King David had with addictive behavior and how his life had spun out of control, to say the least. Here, let’s take a look at one more story of an Old Testament icon who attempted to take control of a situation beyond his control with historical ramifications.

Below is the story of Abraham (known as Abram at the outset of the story). On more than one occasion, Abram took it upon himself to use his guile to manage his circumstances rather than surrender control over to the will and care of God. There is a great deal of Scripture here for the purpose of pointing out Abraham’s flawed character even as a man of great faith.

Abram and Sarai in Egypt

¹⁰ At that time a severe famine struck the land of Canaan, forcing Abram to go down to Egypt, where he lived as a foreigner. ¹¹ As he was approaching the border of Egypt, Abram said to his wife, Sarai, “Look, you are a very beautiful woman. ¹² When the Egyptians see you, they will say, ‘This is his wife. Let’s kill him; then we can have her!’ ¹³ So please tell them you are my sister. Then they will spare my life and treat me well because of their interest in you.”

¹⁴ And sure enough, when Abram arrived in Egypt, everyone noticed Sarai’s beauty. ¹⁵ When the palace officials saw her, they sang her praises to Pharaoh, their king, and Sarai was taken into his palace. ¹⁶ Then Pharaoh gave Abram many gifts because of her—sheep, goats, cattle, male and female donkeys, male and female servants, and camels.

¹⁷ But the Lord sent terrible plagues upon Pharaoh and his household because of Sarai, Abram’s wife.¹⁸ So Pharaoh summoned Abram and accused him sharply. “What have you done to me?” he demanded. “Why didn’t you tell me she was your wife? ¹⁹ Why did you say, ‘She is my sister,’ and allow me to take her as my wife? Now then, here is your wife. Take her and get out of here!”²⁰ Pharaoh ordered some of his men to escort them, and he sent Abram out of the country, along with his wife and all his possessions. Genesis 12:10-20 (NLT)

The Lord’s Covenant Promise to Abram

1 Some time later, the Lord spoke to Abram in a vision and said to him, “Do not be afraid, Abram, for I will protect you, and your reward will be great.”

² But Abram replied, “O Sovereign Lord, what good are all your blessings when I don’t even have a son? Since you’ve given me no children, Eliezer of Damascus, a servant in my household, will inherit all my wealth. ³ You have given me no descendants of my own, so one of my servants will be my heir.”

⁴ Then the Lord said to him, “No, your servant will not be your heir, for you will have a son of your own who will be your heir.” ⁵ Then the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, “Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That’s how many descendants you will have!”

⁶ And Abram believed the Lord, and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his faith. Genesis 15:1-6 (NLT)

The Birth of Ishmael

1 Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had not been able to bear children for him. But she had an Egyptian servant named Hagar. ² So Sarai said to Abram, “The Lord has prevented me from having children. Go and sleep with my servant. Perhaps I can have children through her.” And Abram agreed with Sarai’s proposal. ³ So Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian servant and gave her to Abram as a wife. (This happened ten years after Abram had settled in the land of Canaan.)

⁴ So Abram had sexual relations with Hagar, and she became pregnant. But when Hagar knew she was pregnant, she began to treat her mistress, Sarai, with contempt. ⁵ Then Sarai said to Abram, “This is all your fault! I put my servant into your arms, but now that she’s pregnant she treats me with contempt. The Lord will show who’s wrong—you or me!”

⁶ Abram replied, “Look, she is your servant, so deal with her as you see fit.” Then Sarai treated Hagar so harshly that she finally ran away.

⁷ The angel of the Lord found Hagar beside a spring of water in the wilderness, along the road to Shur. ⁸ The angel said to her, “Hagar, Sarai’s servant, where have you come from, and where are you going?”

“I’m running away from my mistress, Sarai,” she replied.

⁹ The angel of the Lord said to her, “Return to your mistress, and submit to her authority.” ¹⁰ Then he added, “I will give you more descendants than you can count.”

¹¹ And the angel also said, “You are now pregnant and will give birth to a son. You are to name him Ishmael (which means ‘God hears’), for the Lord has heard your cry of distress. ¹² This son of yours will be a wild man, as untamed as a wild donkey! He will raise his fist against everyone, and everyone will be against him. Yes, he will live in open hostility against all his relatives.”

¹³ Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the Lord, who had spoken to her. She said, “You are the God who sees me.” She also said, “Have I truly seen the One who sees me?” ¹⁴ So that well was named Beer-lahai-roi (which means “well of the Living One who sees me”). It can still be found between Kadesh and Bered.

¹⁵ So Hagar gave Abram a son, and Abram named him Ishmael. ¹⁶ Abram was eighty-six years old when Ishmael was born. Genesis 16:1-16 (NLT)

A Son Is Promised to Sarah

1 The Lord appeared again to Abraham near the oak grove belonging to Mamre. One day Abraham was sitting at the entrance to his tent during the hottest part of the day. ² He looked up and noticed three men standing nearby. When he saw them, he ran to meet them and welcomed them, bowing low to the ground.

⁹ “Where is Sarah, your wife?” the visitors asked.

“She’s inside the tent,” Abraham replied.

¹⁰ Then one of them said, “I will return to you about this time next year, and your wife, Sarah, will have a son!”

Sarah was listening to this conversation from the tent. ¹¹ Abraham and Sarah were both very old by this time, and Sarah was long past the age of having children. ¹² So she laughed silently to herself and said, “How could a worn-out woman like me enjoy such pleasure, especially when my master—my husband—is also so old?”

¹³ Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh? Why did she say, ‘Can an old woman like me have a baby?’ ¹⁴ Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return about this time next year, and Sarah will have a son.”

¹⁵ Sarah was afraid, so she denied it, saying, “I didn’t laugh.” But the Lord said, “No, you did laugh.” Genesis 18:1-2, 9-15 (NLT)

Abraham Deceives Abimelech

1 Abraham moved south to the Negev and lived for a while between Kadesh and Shur, and then he moved on to Gerar. While living there as a foreigner, ² Abraham introduced his wife, Sarah, by saying, “She is my sister.” So King Abimelech of Gerar sent for Sarah and had her brought to him at his palace.

³ But that night God came to Abimelech in a dream and told him, “You are a dead man, for that woman you have taken is already married!”

⁴ But Abimelech had not slept with her yet, so he said, “Lord, will you destroy an innocent nation?⁵ Didn’t Abraham tell me, ‘She is my sister’? And she herself said, ‘Yes, he is my brother.’ I acted in complete innocence! My hands are clean.”

⁶ In the dream God responded, “Yes, I know you are innocent. That’s why I kept you from sinning against me, and why I did not let you touch her. ⁷ Now return the woman to her husband, and he will pray for you, for he is a prophet. Then you will live. But if you don’t return her to him, you can be sure that you and all your people will die.”

⁸ Abimelech got up early the next morning and quickly called all his servants together. When he told them what had happened, his men were terrified. ⁹ Then Abimelech called for Abraham. “What have you done to us?” he demanded. “What crime have I committed that deserves treatment like this, making me and my kingdom guilty of this great sin? No one should ever do what you have done! ¹⁰ Whatever possessed you to do such a thing?” Genesis 20:1-10 (NLT)

The Birth of Isaac

1 The Lord kept his word and did for Sarah exactly what he had promised. ² She became pregnant, and she gave birth to a son for Abraham in his old age. This happened at just the time God had said it would. ³ And Abraham named their son Isaac. ⁴ Eight days after Isaac was born, Abraham circumcised him as God had commanded. ⁵ Abraham was 100 years old when Isaac was born.

⁶ And Sarah declared, “God has brought me laughter. All who hear about this will laugh with me.⁷ Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse a baby? Yet I have given Abraham a son in his old age!”

Hagar and Ishmael Are Sent Away

⁸ When Isaac grew up and was about to be weaned, Abraham prepared a huge feast to celebrate the occasion. ⁹ But Sarah saw Ishmael—the son of Abraham and her Egyptian servant Hagar—making fun of her son, Isaac. ¹⁰ So she turned to Abraham and demanded, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son. He is not going to share the inheritance with my son, Isaac. I won’t have it!”

¹¹ This upset Abraham very much because Ishmael was his son. ¹² But God told Abraham, “Do not be upset over the boy and your servant. Do whatever Sarah tells you, for Isaac is the son through whom your descendants will be counted. ¹³ But I will also make a nation of the descendants of Hagar’s son because he is your son, too.”

¹⁴ So Abraham got up early the next morning, prepared food and a container of water, and strapped them on Hagar’s shoulders. Then he sent her away with their son, and she wandered aimlessly in the wilderness of Beersheba.

¹⁵ When the water was gone, she put the boy in the shade of a bush. ¹⁶ Then she went and sat down by herself about a hundred yards away. “I don’t want to watch the boy die,” she said, as she burst into tears.

¹⁷ But God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven, “Hagar, what’s wrong? Do not be afraid! God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. ¹⁸ Go to him and comfort him, for I will make a great nation from his descendants.”

¹⁹ Then God opened Hagar’s eyes, and she saw a well full of water. She quickly filled her water container and gave the boy a drink.

²⁰ And God was with the boy as he grew up in the wilderness. He became a skillful archer, ²¹ and he settled in the wilderness of Paran. His mother arranged for him to marry a woman from the land of Egypt. Genesis 21:1-20 (NLT)

Wow! Not that I wouldn’t have panicked the way Abraham did as time seemed to continue on forever waiting for God to make good on His promise, but for the man with the reputation for having unwavering faith, Abraham certainly committed enough time to manipulating and circumventing the promise of God on his life.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

• Irrational behavior is that which is repeated despite negative adverse results. It is behavior that has proven to be unhealthy and dysfunctional and at risk for chaotic ramifications. To continue in the behavior does not make sense and is therefore irrational. What would you say was irrational, unhealthy, and not all that sensible about how Abraham attempted to manage his issues and maintain control?
• What might you say was Abraham’s thinking and how was his thought process irrational? What do you think Abraham concluded about God’s promise of a son that led to disbelief about the promise and fed into irrational belief that he could manage the situation on his own rather than trust God fully?
• If you connect Abraham to some kind of anxiety meter that scored his anxiety between 0 and 100, how anxious do you think Abraham was when he lied to protect his wife and essentially committed adultery to hasten God’s promise of a son?
• If this was your story how would it go? How have you attempted to manage situations, circumstances, problems, and relationship conflicts on your own? Please compile a thorough list and be specific about what you did to try to manage and maintain control?
• Write down at least three things in your life that if you were to lose control would result in catastrophic failure.
• Describe why each of these three things demand that you be in control.
• For each thing in your life that you listed as requiring that you maintain control, write a one-sentence statement that begins, “I believe I deserve…” These are your beliefs of what you must obtain and maintain control of.
• For each thing in your life that you listed, explain how your belief statement might be considered less than sensible and irrational for that matter.
• If you were connected to some kind of anxiety meter that scored your anxiety between 0 and 100, how anxious do you think you become when things don’t seem to be going your way or according to your timing?
• For each explanation of why your statements are irrational, write an explanation that radically challenges your irrational beliefs.
• For each explanation, write a one-sentence statement as radical challenges that you can commit to prayer as an act of surrender to Him who can rearrange your irrational thoughts and beliefs.
• How do you think your anxiety levels will improve trusting God, surrendering your will to His control?
• How specifically can you pray for God to empower you to let go of what you don’t have control over anyway? For each radical challenge write a simple prayer of empowerment.
• Finally, take the time to pray.

We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (NLT)

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

Keep this in mind the next time you say The Serenity Prayer. When you pray, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference… Amen” you are admitting that you lack acceptance, courage, and wisdom. The most important words in the prayer are “God grant me…” verifying that you are not God and you need His favor. The word “Amen” means “let it be so” or “so be it”. There is more to the prayer before “Amen” but when you say “Amen” after asking for God to do for you and in you what you cannot do for yourself, you are declaring that you have decided to let go of what you cannot control anyway and you’re turning your will and life over to the care and plan of God since you believe He can and will “grant you…” if you let Him.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5 (NIV)

“Who can know the Lord’s thoughts?
Who knows enough to teach him?”
But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ. 1 Corinthians 2:16 (NLT)