Waging the War Within (Why Seek the Living Among the Dead?)

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project

But very early on Sunday morning the women went to the tomb, taking the spices they had prepared. They found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance. So they went in, but they didn’t find the body of the Lord Jesus. As they stood there puzzled, two men suddenly appeared to them, clothed in dazzling robes. The women were terrified and bowed with their faces to the ground. Then the men asked, “Why are you looking among the dead for someone who is alive? He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead!” Luke 24:1-6 (NLT)

I experienced an incredible teaching by Apostle Angela Thibeaux concerning the restoration of the soul. Apostle Thibeaux spoke of the soul as the vehicle that drives the action of the body—behavior. The spirit of the man can be in agreement with spiritual truth while the soul of the man may just as well reject such spiritual truth, which, when behavior is inconsistent with what the spirit knows to be truth, drives activity that the spirit does not want to do. Therefore, I do what I don’t want to, and even do what I hate.

The status quo Christian existence trends toward contentment with discontentment. What I mean is that (I’ll speak for myself) I believe with confidence in what God can do in my life.

My intellect agrees with God’s Word about what God is capable of. Intellectually, I am encouraged about His promise for provision and, dare I say, prosperity (not necessarily material blessing).

Emotionally, though, I doubt what God WILL do to bless my life.

The same is true when it comes to the mercy and justice of God. I agree in my deepest intellectual sensibilities that I am forgiven, saved by grace, redeemed for eternity, justified by faith; and that God will not be mocked if I marginalize grace as a kind of license to sin. Yet emotionally, when craving my “drug” of choice, I sometimes trend toward giving in to temptation since I want to believe that God’s mercy and grace will trump the eternal justice of God.

Entertaining selfish sin, at the end of the day, is really nothing more than the pursuit of contentment in life among that which will fade away, decay, and die.

Does anyone else out there find themselves waging the war within?

Why Change?

The war within can consist of a number of things in the life of the recovering sin addict. The recovering sin addict admits to the problem of the obsession with self and having “needs” met to realize contentment in a world focused on unmet—failed—expectations. The recovering sin addict is aware of character defects and asking for God to remove his or her shortcomings. The recovering sin addict is surrendered to God, experiencing the transformed life in relationship with Jesus Christ.

Then there is the sin addict unaware of the problem that is seeking the best this life has to offer in a dying world, focused on that which produces death. The sin addict not in recovery will not admit to being a sin addict. He or she will experience ongoing disappointment from failed expectations, even in the midst of the occasional success.

I have often said as part of my public confession that I am addicted to me. There has been the occasional response, “Are you narcissistic?”

Reading this right now, are you willing to admit—confess—that you are a sin addict? Will you acknowledge the need to be set free from the control of sin?

“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

“But we are descendants of Abraham,” they said. “We have never been slaves to anyone. What do you mean, ‘You will be set free’?”

Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin.” John 8:32-34 (NLT)

To what extent are you in need of a change… a need to be changed?

You will always be you, but there are things about you that require change. You bathe to wash yourself clean of the impurities that affect you. You don’t wear the same clothes every day. Clothes eventually stink due to their exposure to those same impurities. Just like the need to bathe and change clothes, the body, mind and soul of a person must experience change; change enough that it makes a difference… like a bath and clean clothes.

My wife watched the show, “What Not to Wear”. And being the devoted husband that I am, I would watch it now and then with her. The premise was that some people—more specifically, women—dressed so poorly and inappropriately that their loved ones took pity on them and got them on the show for a fashion intervention. Some of the women dressed liked they didn’t care much about their appearance at all; not because they considered appearance to be vanity, but because of low self-worth. Other women dressed scantily, or very loudly, desperate for attention; also likely reflecting poor self-esteem. These women would be forced dispose of most of their wardrobe, and then given $5000 to purchase a brand new wardrobe deemed acceptably fashionable. They also received an awesome hairstyle and facial makeover.

Then, the women would return home to a festive reception to celebrate “the new you”… “the new me”. There would be applause along with hugs and kisses and tears of joy. As much as I claimed to dislike this program, the transformation of these women could be moving. Not only did they look so much better, they felt so much better about themselves. The change in clothes and renewed appearance not only made the women more attractive from the outside in, but from the inside out. It was the inside out change that was especially remarkable. Their countenance changed from lacking confidence to brimming with it. Their gloomy facial expressions now reflected enthusiastic optimism; seemingly every single time.

Why resist change? Why resent change?

Wisdom is adjusting your life to the truth. Foolishness is adjusting the truth to your life. We—you and me—are one or the other; the aware sin addict engaged in recovery (wiser), or the sin addict living out of range of authentic recovery (foolish). Which one are you?

The story sounded like nonsense to the men, so they didn’t believe it. Luke 24:11 (NLT)

There is the issue of belief and that of faith; not faith in what God can do (intellectual certainty), but faith in what God will do (emotional doubt). Speaking for myself, I tend to believe with confidence in what God can do. But I trend toward doubting in what God will do for me in my life. I am suggesting that I have confidence intellectually in what God can do but that my confidence waivers, doubting from an emotional place, in what God will do. If emotionally I lack confidence (faith) do I, in all honesty, believe?

For what it’s worth, I believe with confidence in what God can and will do for you in your life since I am not directly connected to you emotionally… not in the sense that there is something at stake, if that makes sense. My writings are brimming with confident, enthusiastic, and passionate optimism for what God will do for you… to provide for and prosper you and all that. I even believe in the miraculous for you in your life. But when it comes to trusting in the miraculous for mine, well… I suppose I don’t feel worthy enough. Maybe I don’t pray enough, or fast like some folks I know that do receive bountifully from God. I am not as responsible with my finances as I need to be, and then I become a less than enthusiastic giver from my resources. Maybe that’s it. If I could only see the plan… have it laid out all nice and clean. I don’t do messy particularly well.

I definitely believe God for my salvation, and therefore, do not fear death, even when circumstances have indicated in the past that I am most certainly mortal. There have been a couple of occasions when the thought crossed my mind, “this may be it.” In those times, I experienced assured comforting peace that transcends understanding. That being the case, why doubt about what God will do in arduous circumstances when the essence of life itself is not hanging in the balance?

Here is another question. Why am I so sure of my salvation for eternity, relying on the supernatural God to do what He does in that case, but then doubt what supernatural God will do in my natural life circumstances? Humanly speaking, which is easier for God to manage?

Here is the final question to introduce this matter of seeking the living among the dead. How can I believe in the supernatural, all-powerful, all-seeing and all-knowing God of the universe to do something so miraculous as to raise me from the dead, but I do not fear this same God when it comes to what I think I am doing and entertaining in the dark? How is it that I tend to have greater fear of getting caught by my wife, my employer, my bank, or my doctor, but I am alright with compromising moral standards directly in front of the all-powerful, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-righteous God of the entire universe?

BOOM!!! That was loud just then.

Do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance? Romans 2:4 (NASB)

Scripture instructs me to be obedient through a surrendered life. I am told that God does not necessarily cherish my sacrifice. He finds real favor in my obedience to the instruction of His Word. There is a clear distinction between confession and repentance. I can confess sin and feel repentant while confessing it, but then continue taking license to sin since I do not see invisible God’s eyes on me. I must actually live a repentant lifestyle that is really only possible through the surrendered life. Only then do I experience the fullness of His blessing in right relationship with Him. Only then do I experience the loving mercy and grace from my Heavenly Father.

Do I believe it to be nonsense that Jesus Christ arose from the dead? Do I not truly recognize that Jesus Christ is no longer on the cross or in the tomb but sitting on the throne at the right hand of the Father? Did I miss something? Did you?

The War Within

The war within is not only a matter of choice but it is an issue of what I actually believe. If I truly believed in the justice of Almighty God as being as real as His love and mercy, ideally, there would be no war within the construct of my mind as it relates to my sin nature and selfish thinking and desire. If King David (the man after God’s own heart) fully believed in and feared the justice of Almighty God, you would assume that he isn’t going to sleep with his general’s wife and then conspire to have said general killed in combat so he can take his wife for himself. If the Apostle Paul fully believed in and feared the justice of Almighty God, there would not be Romans chapter seven to help instruct and guide us in waging this war within. He would not have known to write it.

14 So the trouble is not with the law (moral standard), for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. Romans 7:14-25 (NLT)

But as it so happens, Paul struggled in much the same way I do when it comes to fully appreciating (if not fully believing in) the justice of an all-seeing, all-powerful, all-righteous Almighty God. Paul so articulately wrote about waging the war within as he wrote of a powerful force invading his emotional well-being to the extent that he would ignore what he understood intellectually for what he desired emotionally.

We understand the definition and concept of words like desire, intention, motivation, determination, as an element and function for how we think and behave and live every moment of every day. Have you considered that desire—want—is an emotion; a feeling? Have you understood intention, motivation, and determination to be feelings? If something is compelling it is that you are emotionally drawn to experiencing it in some way. And when you are unable to experience that thing that compels you, you feel disappointment and perhaps frustration. You may become angry, resentful, envious or jealous that someone else experienced what you didn’t. You may want something so desperately that you obsess over it. These are all feelings that cloud intellectual judgment.

Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. James 1:14-15 (NLT)

Be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do. James 1:6-8 (NLT)

Paul wrote that he even does the things he hates. He said it’s inevitable… something takes over his will… He can’t help it!

We discussed this in group this week, that someone could hate a drug and what it does to people and then turn around and sell that drug to those he loves, including family. He feels miserable about that; doing the thing he hates. Common sense should dictate that selling lethal drugs to loved ones is a despicable act since someone could overdose and die. Yet, emotion overwhelms and then overrides what intellectually is most reasonable, and makes the most sense.

Ambivalence is Resistance to Common Sense

Ambivalence is at least two desires or motivations that are equal in their emotional context but in actuality—intellectual reason—are effectually opposite in their potential impact. Reason would suggest that the drug addict that sells drugs or steals to acquire the resources to purchase drugs to get high will at some point in time experience the consequence of being arrested, convicted, sentenced, and incarcerated; if he’s not killed first.

The drug addict values his freedom, values the love and fellowship of family, and the best of what can be experienced through best right living. In the absence of the drug that his body is craving, and perhaps needing to keep from being “dope sick”, the value placed on meeting that “need” is perceived to be equal to the value of freedom and family. This reality betrays intellectual reason and is tantamount to moral treason. It’s really no different than the spouse that risks everything he or she truly values to engage in an extra-marital affair; willing to lose his or her family forever.

Ambivalence is the war within between emotional drive and determination and intellectual reason—common sense. Addressing and challenging this matter of ambivalence is the crux of the Christ-centered recovery endeavor. The insanity of addiction to self invades the realm of common sense, shattering the law of intellectual reason.

Individual plans I develop with my clients at some point in their treatment address then challenge this matter of ambivalence that if left untreated is resistant to sober recovery and will sabotage their hopes and dreams only possible through sustained freedom. My clients will list every positive benefit they can think of that comes with using drugs and doing whatever it takes to get them. Then they will list every negative consequence and cost connected to using drugs and engaging in criminal behavior. They will then do the same for what they can get and what they might lose through a lifestyle of sober recovery. When honest, each list is lengthy. Then they attach a price between 10 and 100 to each thing on their list. This helps them to quantify the things that feed into their ambivalence to positive change.

Finally, when their sobriety score is substantially higher than their using score, they are asked to address their resistance to change. The purpose of this exercise is the return to intellectual reason in agreement with what they know (and always knew) to be common sense. This exercise can be used to address and challenge the ambivalence behind every behavior of both the young and old person seeking behavioral change.

James wrote that following after desire—the chase for gratification—produces the outcome of death. So when I know that intellectually to be the case about , yet risk so much for gratification among that which produces harm and inevitably death… and I hate death… why do I continue to do the thing that produces what I hate? It makes no sense.

That is the meaning behind the angel asking Mary why she sought the living among the dead. It made no sense.

Apostle Paul said that he did what he did not want to do. Yes and no. He did, on some level, want to do the very thing he claimed to hate. Had he not, he would not have done it. So there is what I want… really want… and there is what I settle for. What I want is to experience life to the full. What I settle for is the counterfeit that looks real good at its surface; like the experience I truly want; but beneath the surface contains that which produces undesirable outcomes that I resist recognizing until they hit me where it counts the most. Paul bought the counterfeit goodies as well and experienced harm to the point that he said he was miserable (“Oh wretched man that I am”). I keep doing these things I hate over and over again, thinking next time it will satisfy me but then, once again, the bottom drops out and I pay the price. How insane is that?

An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life…

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

“One is evil—he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.

“The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

“This same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
“Which wolf will win?”

The old chief simply replied,
“The one you feed.”

“Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?” Romans 7:24 (NLT)

The hungry wolves exist in the soul of each of us. Apostle Angela Thibeaux teaches that should I feed the wolf that is selfish and wants its own way, my body will behave accordingly. Should I feed the wolf that wants God’s best His way, my body will behave accordingly. Consistent with what is coming up from Romans chapter 8, to feed the flesh is to feed the wolf that is driven by the sin nature and wants what it wants when it wants; and to feed the spirit is to feed the wolf that is wanting God’s best His way. Either way, the body will follow the lead of the soul depending on how it is fed. To feed the spirit is to abide in the Word of God, meditating on it. Feed the spirit and the soul will follow it’s lead, and the body will follow it’s lead, behaving accordingly.

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? Psalm 42:1-2 (NIV)

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. Psalm 63:1-8 (NIV)

Jesus asks, “What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?” Mark 8:36-37 (NIV)

How my soul is fed matters and is at the heart of this Christian life of recovery from addiction to selfish sin.

Feeding Frenzy

Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death… Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God. But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. Romans 8:1-2, 5-9 (NLT)

What does it mean that the Spirit of the God of the universe and the heavenly realm is actually in control of my life?

Notice that this passage speaks to the matter of letting go through surrender. “Letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death… Letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.” This life of peace in relationship with God through the person of Jesus Christ hinges on the daily act of surrender to the will and purpose of God. God promises in His Word that if I choose to stop looking for life among that which produces death, no longer giving in to urges and cravings connected to harm and pain, and offer my behavior to God in an attitude of surrender, that He will change how I think so that what I respond to emotionally lines up better with what I understand intellectually to be common sense.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)

When transformed by the renewing of my mind, humbled by the profound impact of my addiction, it makes the most sense to surrender and turn my will and life over to the care of God. Surrender is something so powerful yet so misunderstood in the logic of human reasoning. Surrender tends to be an emotional reaction or response to an intellectual conclusion, according to the facts in the case. When God is considered a mystery rather than someone who is known, trusted and loved, He is relinquished to more of a mythical status, making for a convenient dismissal for the one arguing against believing without tangible evidence.

Wow! that sounds like I am referring to the disbeliever. Actually, the one I am referring to is the one claiming to be walking with God but is clearly resistant to doing what He says. I am talking about someone like me.

“So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ when you don’t do what I say? Luke 6:46 (NLT)

Do I believe in God?

Yes I do.

Do I know Him by tangible experience in relationship with Him?

Yes I do.

Do I trust God?

There lies the manner of faith that is paramount to the Christian life of recovery from self in sin… trusting in what God can do versus trusting what God will do. And I’m not just talking about trusting what God will do to protect me and bless my life. I am also talking about trusting in what God will allow me to experience when I willingly and continually give in to the cravings and urges of my addictive thinking and behavior; by choice, losing the war within while in relationship with Christ.

King David, the man after God’s own heart, repented of his addictive behavior with absolute conviction from the depths of his heart, to the extent that he touched the very heart of God and himself was impacted so profoundly that we have most of the book of Psalms out of David’s intimate connection to God. David would admit he was powerless, surrender his soul and body as unto the Lord, but then… take it all back and give in to his obsessions and rituals of addiction to selfish sin all over again. And then David would confess and repent again and again. And what came with that? Mercy and forgiveness out of a loving relationship with God.

What else came with it?

Real life outcomes from his actions. Read the book of 2nd Samuel. With repentance comes real-life consequences. David repented of adultery, fornication, lust, greed, covetousness, selfish pride, murder, and the list goes on. He had a daughter that was raped by his son. David’s two sons were murdered; one by the other son. His favorite son would be a king that had sex with seemingly every girl he knew. Solomon would marry them all to justify his fornicating. Like father like sons.

David lived as a king at the top of the food chain. I don’t know that David fully trusted God; that being the justice of God. He surely didn’t always appreciate the righteous justice of God. He paid the price.

1 O Lord, don’t rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your rage!
2 Your arrows have struck deep,
and your blows are crushing me.
3 Because of your anger, my whole body is sick;
my health is broken because of my sins.
4 My guilt overwhelms me—
it is a burden too heavy to bear.
5 My wounds fester and stink
because of my foolish sins.
6 I am bent over and racked with pain.
All day long I walk around filled with grief.
7 A raging fever burns within me,
and my health is broken.
8 I am exhausted and completely crushed.
My groans come from an anguished heart.
9 You know what I long for, Lord;
you hear my every sigh.
10 My heart beats wildly, my strength fails,
and I am going blind.
11 My loved ones and friends stay away, fearing my disease.
Even my own family stands at a distance. Psalm 38:1-11 (NLT)

Someone said in group the other day, “You know you’ve hit bottom when you choose to stop digging.”

Fight the Good Fight

At some point I must trust in what it means to be in relationship with the all-powerful, all-seeing, all-knowing, almighty God of the universe. At some point I must ‘let go and let God’ as the saying goes. Instead of letting my sinful nature dictate my course as I keep feeding that wolf, while starving the wolf that truly wants to do the next right best thing, I need to starve the sin nature and be fed in my soul through my spirit that is so connected to the Spirit of God. King David and, for a time, Apostle Paul struggled with feeling unworthy of God’s favor. I need to learn from the writings of David and Paul, and commit to being fully engaged in fighting the good fight that is the war within.

Paul tells us, Watch out for those dogs… We rely on what Christ Jesus has done for us. We put no confidence in human effort… Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord… I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith… I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead… so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead… Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Philippians 3 (NLT)

Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you.
1 Timothy 6:12 (NLT)

How do I fight the good fight, pressing on to receive the prize that is sure to come in glory? How do I wage the war within so that in this life at this time I can claim victory? I truly want to do right and good. I truly want to experience in relationship with Christ the transformed life with a renewed mind. What is the strategy for this recovery that actually works?

We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (NLT)

This battle begins within me. Waging the war within me is about fighting the good fight with the weapons availed to me in my spirit. It is time to fight for the health of my soul. And when my soul is healthy, fight for the souls of those who are sick, dying, and lost.

God wants desperately for us to experience His absolute best for us when the time of perfection comes in glory for eternity, but He also wants desperately for you and for me to experience the satisfied life now… right now… today and again tomorrow. I need to believe this… I mean, really believe it. It’s time for me to grow up and heed what the Word of God says plainly is best right living, in agreement that it makes the most sense for living this life.

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NLT)

So why would I seek this new life in relationship with Jesus Christ among that which produces death; that which is selfish, feeding my soul with that which will steal my joy, destroy my peace, and kill my purpose? Why struggle so hard to manage what is beyond my reach and control, only to settle for what I accomplish in my own strength? Why try so hard to find favor in a dying world, fighting for what I can to bless myself? What a fool I am, deceived by material prosperity and the praise of men.

The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.
John 10:10 (NLT)

How does anything in me that wants to grow up and experience the best that there is in relationship with God have disagreement with anything written here? And yet at some point this day or in the coming week, my emotional self giving in to temptation, will defy intellectual reason and trust in the garbage I allow to feed my soul. My mood and behavior will likely reflect such selfish, ego-driven pursuits. Then it’s back to the drawing board, confessing sin yet again, claiming mercy in the name of Jesus, hoping like crazy that the fallout doesn’t hurt too badly. I wonder what blessing is stifled when I focus on favor in the flesh (“I love my son, Steven, but I can’t trust with that…”)

It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, does it.

Jesus pleads with us for our own good, “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness (His best), and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33 (NIV)

Let us pray together for each other that we grow in confidence in what God will do when we let him, and that we will grow in confidence and determination to wage the war within, urgently pursuing Christ among the living where He lives and dwells.

It’s not hard to find Jesus. He is knocking at the door. He sees the bell but He prefers to knock. Open the door and let Him in to fellowship with you. To do that is to experience the best and most of who He is and what He wants and has for you. Let the rest go and rest in His favor.

Let all who are spiritually mature agree on these things. If you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you. But we must hold on to the progress we have already made. Philippians 3:15-16 (NLT)

The Joy-Integrity Connection

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project

If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
1 John 1:5-9 (NLT)

In a seminar I attended the question was asked, “When are you most happy?” We were asked to pair up with someone and ask each other that question. I responded to the question by saying, “When my conscience is clear.”

My struggle each and every day is to live my life of recovery with integrity. I cheat way too often… you know… bend the “rules” when I am not outright breaking them. After all, in this new age of grace, when Christ has come to fulfill the law through the new covenant, He is sure to forgive me when I confess my sin, right? He cleanses me from what? From my wickedness, right? I’ve been justified of my wrongdoing through grace in relationship with Christ, right?

Even the Apostle Paul asked the question in his letter to the Romans, “Does this grace—this mercy—give me license to sin?” He went on to write about the struggle of sinning, even when he knows he is sinning; doing what he did not want to do and not doing what he wanted to do since he was enjoying fellowship with Jesus.

I have chosen to be faithful; I have determined to live by your regulations. Psalm 119:30 (NLT)

I had mentioned to my wife this morning that it has been almost a month since I’ve posted anything in FREEdom from MEdom. I said I hadn’t felt particularly inspired to write. So I opened the Bible Gateway site on my laptop and read the Scripture of the day that you just read from Psalm 119. From there I opened the rest of Psalm 119 and the inspiration came… or maybe I should more honestly admit that I was moved by conviction and I am simply reflecting on that as I share it with you.

First of all, let’s bring some clarity about what I am writing about by defining the words ‘joy’ and ‘integrity’; two words not easily defined or described by experience.

Joy—

1 a : the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight ; b : the expression or exhibition of such emotion : festive
2 : a state of happiness or felicity (quality of happiness) : bliss
3 : a source or cause of delight

Integrity—

1 : firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : incorruptibility
2 : an unimpaired condition : soundness
3 : the quality or state of being complete or undivided : completeness

It is often said that integrity is doing the best and right thing when no one is looking. One also might say that integrity is realized when the higher moral standard is what shapes a person’s values and not the other way around when sadly morality is determined by self-centered values.

How often have I made choices in opposition to being faithful? How often do I determine to go my own way bending and breaking what I know to be healthy and productive spiritually? God has called me to integrity while I often settle for compromise—my weakened response to His grace.

1 Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord.
2 Joyful are those who obey his laws and search for him with all their hearts.
3 They do not compromise with evil, and they walk only in his paths.
4 You have charged us to keep your commandments carefully.
5 Oh, that my actions would consistently reflect your decrees!
6 Then I will not be ashamed when I compare my life with your commands.
7 As I learn your righteous regulations, I will thank you by living as I should!
8 I will obey your decrees. Please don’t give up on me!
9 How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word.
10 I have tried hard to find you—don’t let me wander from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.
12 I praise you, O Lord; teach me your decrees.
13 I have recited aloud all the regulations you have given us.
14 I have rejoiced in your laws as much as in riches.
15 I will study your commandments and reflect on your ways.
16 I will delight in your decrees and not forget your word.
17 Be good to your servant, that I may live and obey your word.
18 Open my eyes to see the wonderful truths in your instructions.
19 I am only a foreigner in the land. Don’t hide your commands from me!
20 I am always overwhelmed with a desire for your regulations. Psalm 119:1-20 (NLT)

What a way to start this psalm: “Joyful are people of integrity… joyful are people who are obedient…” This is not only a scriptural precept, it was likely the experience of the psalmist. The writer reports that faithful and consistent obedience without compromise tends to lead to freedom, peace and joy. The key to the pursuit of blessing is the pursuit of the provider of the blessing through an active relationship with the giver through active participation in giving of oneself. Giving of oneself is with a servant’s heart through acts of service.

The psalmist came to realize by experience that as one invests in serving God as an expression of worship to Him the benefits are rich and prosperous—beginning with internal prosperity. Internal prosperity for me is found in the experienced peace and joy that is the manifestation of God’s favor in my life. Internal prosperity means that my conscience is clear. It means that when I have opportunity to do good and right, that is what I do; not as some forced compulsory act but because my walk reflects that I treasure the Word of God and it is entrenched deep down; hidden within the depths of my heart. I am so invested that I am overwhelmed with desire for the things of God since His favor is my source of pleasure, peace, and joy. It is in the favor of God in relationship with Jesus that I experience new life into real freedom.

25 I lie in the dust; revive me by your word.
26 I told you my plans, and you answered. Now teach me your decrees.
27 Help me understand the meaning of your commandments, and I will meditate on your wonderful deeds.
28 I weep with sorrow; encourage me by your word.
29 Keep me from lying to myself; give me the privilege of knowing your instructions.
30 I have chosen to be faithful; I have determined to live by your regulations.
31 I cling to your laws. Lord, don’t let me be put to shame!
32 I will pursue your commands, for you expand my understanding.
33 Teach me your decrees, O Lord; I will keep them to the end.
34 Give me understanding and I will obey your instructions; I will put them into practice with all my heart.
35 Make me walk along the path of your commands, for that is where my happiness is found.
36 Give me an eagerness for your laws rather than a love for money!
37 Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word.
38 Reassure me of your promise, made to those who fear you.
39 Help me abandon my shameful ways; for your regulations are good.
40 I long to obey your commandments! Renew my life with your goodness. Psalm 119:25-40 (NLT)

The psalmist in verse 25 declares that I came from dust and on my own still lie in it, but you are God and it is by your word and direction that I can truly live. “Revive me by your word.” The psalmist recognized and understood that even though he had plans with intentions to carry them out, God responded to those plans by feeding into his spirit His plans for him. “Put in me a desire to live out your plan and purpose for my life according to what you want and have for me.” As God fuels my intentions, I find it easy to surrender to His plan; my desires then are much more in line with His desires.

The psalmist also acknowledges selfishness and dissatisfaction to the extent of becoming deeply discouraged and distressed to the point of tears. So the writer cried out to the Lord, “Help me to quit lying to myself about what I believe I deserve when I pursue my own entitled interests—cravings, urges, obsessions, and compulsions to remedy dissatisfaction. Purge from me my love for what money buys and help me to want, seek, and find contentment in the privilege of walking in your favor, according to the best of what You want and have for me. Revive my life from the dust into the renewal of new life into the best that is the goodness of God.”

57 Lord, you are mine! I promise to obey your words!
58 With all my heart I want your blessings. Be merciful as you promised.
59 I pondered the direction of my life, and I turned to follow your laws.
60 I will hurry, without delay, to obey your commands.
61 Evil people try to drag me into sin, but I am firmly anchored to your instructions. Psalm 119:57-61 (NLT)

In recovery there is tremendous emphasis anchored to sobriety no matter who or what sets out to sabotage it. The psalmist in this passage is delivering a message of sticking to the plan of recovery from misguided living through a commitment to a surrendered life into the will and plan of God through surrendered obedience to what works. Do you see this? This message is not merely about rules and regulations and instructions motivated by a supreme authority that merely wants to boss its subjects around because He can. This instruction from Psalm 119 is not for the benefit or even the glory of this supreme dictator called God. This is a message of love imparting knowledge and wisdom from the Creator to His creation who He loves so much that He sacrificed His very own son.

I love this passage! Here are verses 57-61 in my own words: “Lord, You are mine! I want your blessings because I want You! I’ll admit I thought about it. Pondered a life without You. There are folks out there with evil intentions trying to distract and dissuade me. Are you kidding? I have seen how they’ve turned out; how unhappy they are. I also see the life I can experience in your best your way and that’s the life I want. No more messin’ around. I will hurry to follow you and be obedient to the way of life you have called me to.”

You made me; you created me. Now give me the sense to follow your commands. Psalm 119:73 (NLT)

The more I surrender into the higher calling of an obedient life with the heart and soul of a servant, imitating the model of the life Jesus lived, the more I reflect the integrity of what it means to be a child of God, living to be like Him. What God does is transform me into what He has called me to by renewing my way of thinking, embedding in me His desires. Then, as I delight in the desires God has birthed in me, I experience the desire of my heart in the unspeakable joy of the Lord coursing through my veins.

It’s not about living out the law of God, which is in and of itself, insufficient since I cannot adhere to it (Romans 8). Against the standard God’s commandments of which I would fall short, I would die into condemnation. It is about living in relationship with Christ into the best of a transformed new life experience. It is in the promise of relationship with God, the supreme creator, through relationship with His Son, that I experience real joy.

It just makes so much sense to me.

Heaven, Hell, Three-foot Forks, and My Problem with Hank

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project

See that no one pays back wrong for wrong, but at all times make it your aim to do good to one another and to all people. Be joyful always, pray at all times, be thankful in all circumstances. This is what God wants from you in your life in union with Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:15-18 (Good News Translation)

What happens when you let a wild animal out of its cage after locking it up for some time? It likely is that the animal still untamed will go wild on everything in sight once set free. When considering the context of the twelve-step model, the men who behave like they are untamed and out of control, might admit that they are powerless against their drug use and criminal lifestyle. They might even suggest that their reckless lifestyle is a power greater than themselves rendering their lives unmanageable. When that is the case, incarceration turns out to be the power greater than themselves and their preoccupation with drugs and crime that restores their lives to manageability. Outside of understanding to this point is that if one needs prison to be restored to manageability, it is still an insane way to manage one’s life.

The key for people in prison is to do the work of recovery while in the cage so that they can begin to experience a sense of freedom while locked up. Coming into, or back into, relationship with God is pivotal to a restored stable life. If they do, when they are let out of the cage they exhibit temperance since they have been set free in their spirit.

There are men at the prison I work at who return to a healthy relationship with God while serving their time for crimes committed against people like you. They are guilty. They are ashamed of their behavior whether or not they were charged for it. The men in recovery returning to God in prison are neck deep in shame for what they have done and initially can have difficulty reconciling with God and accepting forgiveness. They realize they will have to live with the fact that the victims of their crimes are also loved by God and there will not be opportunity to reconcile with them (at least not in this life). The result can be unresolved shame that can continue to define and weaken the man hoping to get right with God in recovery. Essential to freedom from shame is for the man in prison to see himself the way God sees him, like the father who reconciled himself to his prodigal son, wearing the robe that is God’s Son, Jesus; the robe of righteousness.

Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:20 (NLT)

I have heard these men in recovery from addiction, freed from their captivity, bound by their drugs of choice, memories of a shameful devastating past riddled with guilt, and a tragedy of a life, exclaim, “I’ve got my life back”, and “I am happier than I’ve ever been in my life”. Without exception, these men have experienced healing and deliverance into recovery empowered by God in the person of Jesus Christ. It is my privilege to know them and play a role in their recovery into a new life experience.

However, I have a problem. His name is Hank, or at least that is what I will call him. Hank, an African-American in his late 40s, is a client (inmate) at the correctional center that I counsel at. Every morning that I come in to work I am greeted by Hank. He says to me enthusiastically, “Good morning Mr. Steve, how are you today?” I respond, “Good Hank, how are you?” His response to me on the prison block is, “I’m great!” This has been Hank’s response to me every day but one since I have known him. The one day is when Hank responded, “I’m alright”. It was an especially difficult day that day. And that is all I can say about it. Otherwise, Hank is at a high and lofty place that, even as a brother to him in Christ, I struggle to relate with. It’s a problem for me.

My problem is that Hank is absolutely genuine through and through. Hank loves his Redeemer. He expresses his love through the extension of God’s generous love wherever and whenever he can. He makes it a point to bless me every day I come in to work. While my challenge working in the prison setting is substantial, the rewards are eternal and touch me deeply. When I get around Hank, while I am blessed and encouraged, I am challenged in my spirit – in my attitude concerning my giving of my time and resources as an expression of gratitude for God’s gift of mercy in my life. Why don’t I seem to appreciate and love my Savior Jesus Christ the way Hank does?

You see, Hank is a recovering heroin addict that committed crimes again and again throughout his adult life to support his drug addiction at the expense of everyone he loves and that love him. He is sober in prison and has returned to a loving merciful gracious relationship with Jesus Christ. I am not his primary counselor so I don’t know his entire story. There were times when Hank did not realize his need for relationship with Jesus; times when if approached by Jesus the conversation might have gone something like this:

Jesus: “Hank, if you put your trust in me, I will change you and set you free from what imprisons you, and you will indeed be set free by this truth I give you.”

Hank: “Set free… set free from what? When was I ever imprisoned?

The man is IN prison! He has been imprisoned by drug addiction long before he spent even a second in jail.

So Jesus would have to tell him matter-of-factly, “Hank, you been in prison for years… imprisoned by addiction to drugs and alcohol… imprisoned by life in the streets… imprisoned by expectations… imprisoned by the lies you been conned into believing… imprisoned by your addiction to you in your selfishness. Anyone who has given themselves over to selfish sin is in prison. You are imprisoned by the streets. They are not your family. They have sold you into slavery to addiction in all of its forms. When you leave all that and turn to having relationship with me, I most certainly assure you that you will know, by experience, freedom into a real loving family like you have never known before.”

And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” “But we are descendants of Abraham,” they said. “We have never been slaves to anyone. What do you mean, ‘You will be set free’?” Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin. A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is part of the family forever. So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free. John 8:32-34 (NLT)

Hank has been in and out of relationship with Jesus before. What I mean by “out” is that in his addiction and crime, Hank will ignore who and what he is in relationship with Christ. For all I know, this is what has happened before; perhaps several times. Hank enters the joint, gets clean and sober, does so with the empowering support of his Lord and Savior, does his time, gets out and returns home, does alright for awhile going to meetings, is in loving relationships with his family and friends, and then… one thing leads to another, and Hank is overwhelmed by the temptations that trigger relapse, he lapses from his recovery routines, and relapses deep into his addiction. Deep into his addiction, his relationship with God suffers, he suffers, his loved ones suffer, and then society suffers when he “has” to commit crimes to accumulate enough resources to finance his hell into the bondage of heroin addiction.

In his addiction, Hank is in a kind of hell. He is lost in his insanity, in a world he so prefers not to live in. He hates his life there. As he has gotten older, Hank is aware that his life is a tragedy. He, like Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 7, is doing the things he hates. But he cannot stop! Like Paul, Hank is miserable; wretched.

The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate… I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. Romans 7:14-15… 21-25 (NLT)

Dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:1-2 (NLT)

Thank God, for Paul, for Hank, for you, and for me, there is no condemnation for those in relationship with Christ. While Hank’s spiritual life is suffering, it is not dead. Thank God! You see, Hank is not alone in his story of addiction, repentance, recovery, and relapse. Scripture is loaded with stories that follow along the cycle of addiction for the person who professes to love God. I have written before about King David’s life of temptation, sin, addiction, repentance, recovery, relapse, repentance, recovery, relapse, repentance, recovery, relapse… you get the gist.

“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” Luke 7:47 (NLT)

Hank gets this on a level that is beyond what I can comprehend. Even though, in the eyes of God, his sin is no more egregious than mine – sin is sin; and even though Jesus, fully human, suffered the same torture and condemnation for my sin as He did Hank’s, I do not seem to appreciate this opportunity I have to live my life in Christ the way Hank does his… and HANK IS IN PRISON!!!

In my quest to more fully understand Hank’s zest for life in the face of his circumstances, it is finally dawning on me, at least on an intellectual level. Hank lives to serve! Hank lives to show real genuine gratitude for what Christ has done for him, not only because he is forgiven and reconciled back into right relationship with God, Hank is FREE! In prison Hank is free. He has been set free… yet again… from the hell that is his addiction. Hank’s peace and joy is authentic. It is realized in his opportunity to serve. And look at the population of men God has put in Hank’s path to serve. (Excuse me while I clear the lump that just came in my throat. I more deeply understand this on a much more emotion level even now as I pound away at the keyboard.) I wonder if that is why David was a man after God’s own heart. As wrecked as he was by his addictions (read 2nd Samuel and Psalm 38), I wonder how David may have served while he was in that repentant place, as a humble man, but also using his position as king to love on his people.

I think Hank is doing great because he is in a way, experiencing God’s righteousness – that being God’s most and best in his life, a kind of heaven – even in prison. The following is something I heard recently that might describe how we realize heaven and hell while we’re on this earth (I tried researching but cannot conclude where it’s from). I have taken the liberty to modify and embellish according to my take on it.

As I prayed, I said to God, “I have friends who are not afraid of hell because they think it’s going to be one big party and everyone who’s anyone is going to be there. What do you say hell is?” Then God responded by giving me a vision of hell. I saw a sea of people sitting around a banquet table as long as the eye can see. At the table was a feast of the highest quality. Steam was still coming off this freshly cooked feast and the aroma coming off each entrée was to die for. Each plate was stacked high as if these people would be doing nothing but eat of the best cuisine they’d ever laid their eyes on. I didn’t understand. Nobody was eating. Then I noticed something peculiar. They all had forks that were three feet long. They all sat helpless looking at their food. Occasionally, I would see someone stab at their food hoping the next time they would somehow miraculously put it up to their salivating mouth but the result was the same. The fork was too long. They were helpless. They all sat their starving and thirsty, groaning in pain as their bloated stomachs ached for something to eat, and oh for just a drop of water on their tongue. Eventually the food would rot and rats climbed up on the table for their own feast. Then all of a sudden the table was cleared and newly cooked food appeared, and the cycle of discontent and desperation started all over again, repeating itself again and again, for what felt like an eternity. These people were devastated, lonely, and in despair, wanting to die… desperate to die. It was obvious where I was in that place. Though it wasn’t what I expected, that was hell.

Then God gave me a vision of heaven. Once again there was this sea of people sitting around a banquet table as long as the eye could see. At the table was a feast of the highest quality. Steam was still coming off this freshly cooked feast and the aroma coming off each entrée was to die for. Each plate was stacked high as if these people would be doing nothing but eat of the best cuisine they’d ever laid their eyes on. What I did not expect all at once amazed and confounded me. They all had three-foot long forks as well. What? They have three-foot forks in heaven, too? But these people were all eating and loving every second of the fellowship of each other’s company as they served one another, feeding each other. They were having great conversation, laughing, enjoying the feast of a lifetime and having the most incredible time. They never seemed to get full and the food and desserts just kept coming. It was breathtaking. These companions all had love in their eyes as they served one another as if it was an honor and a privilege. They all loved each other so much. The love and the grace on display were most evident. It was obvious where I was in this place. This was heaven.

Some cynics will read this allegory and miss the point. They’ll ask, “Why couldn’t they put down their three-foot forks and eat with their hands?” For the rest of us this is powerful. For me when I heard it, it was one of the most powerful things I’d heard. Those folks in hell in their selfishness didn’t even have it in them to think of how they could help each other. All they knew was to mercilessly struggle to help themselves when the solution – servanthood – was right there in front of them. We were put here to be stewards of God’s resources and care for one another as we would ourselves. Instead, we have chomped into the forbidden fruit of what God said would kill us and we ate without regard for consequence. What we sow we will reap.

I have written a lot about ambivalence in recovery God’s way. Ambivalence is my internal disagreement between conflicting desires – between what I might understand intellectually versus what might be driving me emotionally (both impulses are selfish though my feelings tend to be more impulsively reactive). The desires are in conflict, or disagreement, because they represent a moral dilemma, though the issue of morality isn’t necessarily based on an absolute standard, but founded in the standard of the one having to choose. I cannot have both of what I want. To have the one thing means not having the other unless I am willing to face the consequence trying to obtain both. So I must decide.

“There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, “Thy will be done,” and those to whom God says, in the end, “Thy will be done.” All that are in hell, choose it. Without that self-choice there could be no hell. No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. Those who seek find. Those who knock it is opened.” —C.S. Lewis

I want this and I want that but they are opposite of each other. To have this means I cannot have that, and to have that means I cannot have this. My core belief of entitlement, though, says to me loudly that I can have it all so let’s risk it all. The reality however is as follows: this thing leads to life and that other thing leads to death. This is richly and eternally satisfying, while that brings instant gratification for a season that is fleeting and temporary, but is in the end futile and unfulfilling. There is no satisfaction in that, but like Hank, I still find that attractive, alluring, and I proceed to indulge in that yet again. I can’t take my eyes off me. This is heaven and that I have come to recognize as hell but in the moment I think I see some heaven in that and I proceed yet again to go to that hoping it will be different this time. But no, I am dissatisfied still with that. How insane is that? Like Hank, David, and Paul, I knowingly continue to choose that which I don’t really want since I remember that that leads me back to hell but willingly I go there anyway. It’s as though I keep reaching for my three-foot fork and think that at some point my way will work. It never does but still, I can’t take my eyes off me. That repeats itself again and again for what feels like an eternity. I am at times devastated, lonely, and in despair, maybe even wanting to die. It should be obvious where I am in that place. That is hell. So why don’t I choose this, which is heaven for me in this life, serving the pleasure of the One who willingly sacrificed and saved me from hell?

What is my problem with Hank?

I envy Hank’s generous and willing spirit. He lives in prison and he’ll be there for awhile, but he lives in the experience of joy. I have so much yet I am a taker. Hank seemingly has so little yet he is a giver. What’s wrong with me?! I can’t take my eyes off me, that’s what’s wrong. Hank has taken his eyes off himself and he has targeted his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, focused on whatever He has called him to do. Jesus says to Hank in His Word… SERVE, so Hank serves with deft willingness. Hank serves with a humble spirit, in the unspeakable joy of his Lord. Humble service is where the peace and the joy come from for Hank. Hank, committed to the plan and purpose of God from a heart of gratitude to Him who has delivered him from hell through a resurrected life, serves His Master obediently. Hank lays down his life as His Lord Jesus did, and serves at the calling of His Master. That’s right I just used the inference a second time of a black man offering his life to his Master. But this time it is good. It is right. Just ask Hank. Ask Hank how he’s doing. I can tell you his response… “GRRREAT!!!”

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

“Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’ Matthew 25:34-40 (NLT)

My pastor likes to say it like this, and I am paraphrasing:

“While you cannot on your own make the world a better place,
you can find your own place in the world and make it better.”

Hank may be stuck in prison away from the people he loves, but he and so many others like him are serving the Lord from hearts of gratitude and love, doing what they can in their place in the world and they are making it better. This world is a better place with Hank in it. And with that I have no problem.

New Age Living (and oh by the way, your feet smell)

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. Ephesians 1:17-21 (NIV)

Why is it that we who say we are in right relationship with Jesus Christ struggle to experience the freedom that Jesus talked about when He said that we are indeed set free by truth about faith? Why is it that we tend to give in to temptation and enact selfish lifestyle choices that rob and destroy rather than experience the abundantly full life that was promised by Jesus? Why is it that we tend not to trust God enough to fully turn our will and life over into His care and experience the transcendent peace that covers our hearts in relationship with Christ? Why is it that we cannot seem to let go of the history that we allow to shame us into self-condemnation when the debt for our sin was paid by Jesus?

Concerning the selfish mistakes committed by you and by me in this carnal body and mind of flesh, the Apostle Paul said the following that applies to what happens to us in the grace of relationship with Jesus Christ. Notice that Paul speaks of our sin in the past tense; not about what we did, but rather about what we were in comparison to what we are because of who we are in Christ.

In Our Mess

And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 1 Corinthians 6:11 (NIV)

I will admit right up front that I am sharing with you another message from Pastor Fran Leeman (YourLifespring.org) with my spin on what I received in my spirit from God’s Spirit. I was taken back by powerful truth Pastor Leeman shared from God’s Word concerning who, what, and where we are in the Kingdom of God.

If we are “out of our mind,” as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:13-17 (NIV)

Pastor Leeman discovered something profoundly interesting and powerful in his recent study of the New Testament. He found that the Greek word in ancient manuscripts for the word ‘world’  in the context of this Scripture from 2 Corinthians and others has been translated poorly. When Apostle Paul is writing to us about “the new creation”, he is not necessarily speaking of transformation as “re-creation” of the person, so much as he is writing about a new age of how we are to be and live since we have been resurrected with Christ. We who have turned from our selfish sin as a way of life and have surrendered our will over to resurrected Jesus, have entered into the new age that is His eternal plan; the Kingdom of God having come. We have died to the former age, no longer living from the point of view of instant temporary gratification, but now resurrected with Christ into the new age of His Kingdom.

When Jesus absorbed our sin at the cross, our sin was condemned in the soul of Christ (Romans 8:3) for all eternity, removing our sin as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). I believe this is central to Paul writing that for anyone who is in Christ, having repented (turned away) from selfish sin, “the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” In relationship with Christ, we have died to the age that is condemned in its sin, and we’re reborn spiritually—adopted into the new eternal age that is the Kingdom of God, here today.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)

– For more on the subject of Transformative Recovery, read: BRAINWASHED into Something Beautiful (New Life)

In view of believing into what Jesus did for us through His sacrifice and resurrection, Paul urges us to take on a new age perspective about who we are in relationship with Him. Pastor Leeman pointed out that the original Greek word for ‘world’ in this passage is ‘aion’, which is translated in English as (can you guess?) ‘age’. What if this Scripture read, “Do not conform to the pattern of this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”? We might come to understand that having been saved by grace into the age of resurrection, what needs to change is how we think and live. This necessitates transformation to renew our minds into a new confidence because of who we are, and where we are, in the new life experience. This new age of resurrection into glory even on this side of heaven, if fully realized would indeed revolutionize our approach to each day that we live. How could it not?

In the Light of the New Age

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us. 1 John 1:5-10 (NIV)

There is the age of darkness and the age of light. While we walk in this age of darkness in our natural bodies, we do so with the light of Christ alive in our spiritual hearts. Pastor Leeman talked about the moment that Jesus breathed into the hearts and minds of His disciples as a life-giving experience. In the book of Genesis God breathed life into Adam who in time did sin, resulting in man’s separation from God.

Suddenly, Jesus was standing there among them! “Peace be with you,” he said. As he spoke, he showed them the wounds in his hands and his side. They were filled with joy when they saw the Lord! Again he said, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I am sending you.” Then he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.” John 20:19-22 (NIT)

Jesus breathed new life into the disciples in the New Testament reconciling man back into right relationship with God, ushering us into the new kingdom age of resurrection by His grace. John wrote that this breath of life is the light of God shining brightly in the darkness. He writes that where we were was dark in those dark ages; but today we live in the age of grace, resurrection, and light. Whenever we confess our sin it is not from the place of darkness. God is just to forgive us as we live in the light of the new age—in the hope and certainty of resurrection. He sacrificed His Son from the beginning to make resurrection (new life) certain for us.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure. 1 John 3:1-3 (NIV)

This is Scripture that takes on much more powerful emphasis when it is understood from the perspective of who we are in the Kingdom age of grace. Scripture can be confusing on the subject of sin unless it is considered from this perspective. The next several verses in 1 John 3 go on to say that to continue in sin is to break God’s law; even to align with the devil. But when this Scripture is dealt with in the context of the two ages, those being darkness and light, it divides people into what they were and what they are, as opposed to what they did and what they do.

Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin. No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him… This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him. 1 John 3:4-6, 19-22 (NLT)

Understand this truth: John is not writing that those who are in relationship with Christ will never sin. After all, he wrote that when we do sin and confess it, God is faithful to forgive. However, had we blown out the light of God and chosen to embrace the age of darkness, we would have never really seen or known Him. Had we, how could we reject the fullness of abundant life in favor of torturous death (hell)? How could we choose pain and struggle in favor of peace and joy? When trusting God by faith, we are certain of this hope of the light of the new day, trusting in the evidence of our spiritual experience, even if it is unseen by our human eyes.

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:15-17 (NKJV)

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ. Titus 2:10-13 (NKJV)

Once again, when considering the translation ‘aion’ or ‘age’ in the context of this passage for the word ‘world’, it appears that Apostles Paul and John are stating the obvious. Since Jesus has buried into condemnation the sins of this former age, why would I cling to it? Why would I lust after, covet, and embrace the addictive things of this age that are passing away in the light of this new age of resurrection into grace? Why would I fall back into love with something that is dead and decomposing? My sin nature continues to look and reach back but in relationship with Christ, clean in the eyes of God, it runs contrary to my new nature in the hope of this new age of grace to take pride in what I was before. In relationship with God, I am reconciled, renewed, and restored into what God created me to be in the first place.     

It’s a new day! It is a day of hope! It is the experience of such hope that we are pure in the sight of God. Since this is the truth about the age of light—because God’s Word says so—when we struggle with forgiveness (How can God forgive me this time?), it really is our problem between our ears since we are not who and what we were, but rather that we are now the new creation in the light of the new day.

Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. But you, brothers and sisters, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. I Thessalonians 5:1-5 (NIV)

As Citizens of Heaven

Apostle Paul writes in this passage that there is a distinct difference between those living as citizens of heaven in the hope of the new day (age) and those who will be shocked by the sudden invasion of the Day of the Lord as if a thief invaded their home or like sudden labor pains when new life is breaking through from the woman who didn’t realize she was pregnant. Those who already realize they are pregnant with the hope and promise of new life are already living in anticipation of the experience of glory. The light of day in the new age of grace and resurrection is already at hand.

The challenge and promise is to choose to live in the light of the day. The challenge is to live in freedom. If only we could really… and I mean, really… believe this. We have the Bible, the written the Word of God. We have the testimony of the prophets and witnesses who have written of profound and powerful truth. What would it mean and do for us when tempted by our selfish, deceitful flesh if we could lay hold of the truth and promise of who and what we are in Christ?

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2 (NKJV)

Having heard this truth this past Sunday, redefines for me a whole lot of Scripture. The passage above from Hebrews 12 should remind us that we live in the age of resurrection with all of the great people of faith who have already passed into that side of heaven. The race set before us is new age living with a glorious purpose and calling. So why don’t we shed the weight? Why is it so difficult, for the joy that was set before us—what we have to look forward to, to endure our dealings on this side of heaven?

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. Romans 7:24-8:4 (NIV)

What could not be accomplished by the law of Moses in the previous age, a temporary fix until the coming of the Messiah, is accomplished through the death of the flesh age and resurrected into the life of the new Spirit age. When I understand this, transformed with a renewed way of thinking from an eternal perspective as one alive today in the new age, it brings more life to so much more of what Scripture describes as our glorious future, while in a present tense. Paul obviously had incredible insight into this most glorious reality.

Many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. Philippians 3:18-21 (NIV)

Apostle Paul is writing that we are already alive in the new eternal age as citizens of heaven anticipating the appearance of our Host. He is in the house preparing your room and mine as we anxiously prepare our hearts to break bread with Him at the banquet table. The table is set for a feast, but when our hearts are right, the food is an afterthought. It is being with the One we love that is at the forefront of our experience.

When I first dated my wife and took her to dinner, as hungry as I was for a meal, it hardly mattered to me. Her beauty captivated me. I was nervous. I desperately craved her attention and affection. As corny as it sounds, I got lost in her eyes and in her conversation. It was as though I was in a different place and time as if we were the only two in the room. Eating the dinner was a formality. All I cared about was relationship with her. I believe that is what Paul is writing about in Philippians chapter 3. It isn’t about the meal, Paul is starving for relationship with His Lord. He is lost in the beauty of His majesty. Paul is captivated by the Spirit of His compassionate mercy and love. Paul is overwhelmed by the attention and generous affection of Christ experienced in the depths of his soul. We live in that place with Christ right now, even as we walk and breathe with our mortal bodies still in this new, yet at the same time, former age.

With Dirty, Smelly Feet

Do not deceive yourselves. If any of you think you are wise by the standards of this age, you should become “fools” so that you may become wise. 1 Corinthians 3:18 (NIV)

Being that we are still here on planet earth, even while having minds focused on doing the will of God, Paul writes in Romans chapter 7 that we are still influenced by the presence of our sinful nature prone to selfishness. Our sinful nature is a slave to the law of sin, still. The law of sin is that it falls short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23) and has been condemned to eternal dying (Romans 6:23). The sinful nature is attached to the former age, that which Christ has delivered us from. Paul writes that while our sinful nature continues to be a slave to the eternal consequence of sin, and we must continue to contend with the matter of that sinful nature present within us, we are no longer a slave to that sinful nature when we submit to the reality of who we are in the new eternal age in relationship with Christ.

The problem is that while we are cleansed in the righteousness of Jesus Christ, justified by faith (Romans 6), we will still get dirty when we give in to our selfish sinful nature. We are clean in the sight of God, our sin removed at the cross as we are delivered into the eternal age resurrected with Jesus, but dirty at the same time while also trying to manage where we live in this world—in this current/former age that is eternally dying.

Take a look at this story from John 13:3-12 (NIV). Read it carefully from the perspective of what you have read here. Consider what water baptism represents for the believer, the former self (age) dying going into the water only to be resurrected into new life (the new age). Water baptism is also symbolic of being bathed in the righteousness of our resurrected Lord and Savior. Read this with eyes to see and ears to hear what the Spirit is saying.  

³ Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; ⁴ so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. ⁵ After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

 ⁶ He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”

 ⁷ Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

 ⁸ “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”

   Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

 ⁹ “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”

 ¹⁰ Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” ¹¹ For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.

 ¹² When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them.

So what did you get from this story that maybe wasn’t so obvious before? The story is about servanthood, no question about that. But something else is in there. Because of who we are as citizens of heaven today in the new eternal age of glory, we have been bathed clean in the righteousness of God through Christ Jesus in His resurrection. We are declared ‘good’ in the sight of God, just as Jesus was, only upon being resurrected into the new eternal age of glory while still a man, just before ascending to His position as King of kings and Lord of lords. We are adopted into the family that is the Kingdom of God, the eternal age that has come. We are in relationship with the Rock of… Ages.

In this reality, while we walk around in this world (aion) our new eternal age bodies are clean in the Spirit (new eternal age), but because of the sin nature we still contend with in this life on earth in the age of flesh, our feet smell. We have an Advocate in Christ who continuously washes our feet each time we return to Him to confess our sin. The whole body doesn’t need a bath, Jesus did that already. Only are smelly feet need washing. We are then called to confess to one another and disciple one another washing each other’s feet in a spiritual sense, carrying one another’s burden while persecuted in the “former” age for His name sake; representative of what Jesus does for us continually.

What amazing truth! Meditate on it for awhile. Allow it to be your inspiration for recovery from all of the stuff in this life gets your feet dirty. Recognize who you are from God’s perspective; then find joy in that, no matter what you are facing today.

Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do. James 1:23-25 (NIV)

Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient. We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures. Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other. But when God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of his grace he declared us righteous and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life. Titus 3:3-7