Guilt & Shame, Scabs & Scars (Recovery from Your Past)

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project

For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5:19 (NLT)

Jesus Christ came to earth to identify with the human experience, to die as a sacrifice for our self-centered ‘me’dom problem. Nailed to the cross with Jesus was every mistake we ever committed. Jesus was wounded severely with gaping wounds wide open as he bled and died. With his wounds untreated, Jesus was buried in the grave, his body broken, entombed by man’s sin. For three days, the Bible says, the soul of the Sympathetic Savior bore the anguish of all of our guilt and shame.

But then something happened. The wounded soul and body of Jesus was healed and restored; resurrected into new life. When Jesus showed himself to his friends and family, they struggled to believe it. So as proof, Jesus showed them his scars. Now his wounds were healed. Scars are healed wounds, evidence of something that was at one time extremely painful. The evidence of your past is plain to see in your scars but your wounds are healed because of Christ’s suffering. By his scars you are healed and restored, though you may struggle to believe it. The memories of your past need not own you.

There is a clear distinction that needs to be drawn between guilt and shame. Scripture is clear in identifying our responsibility for our sinful attitudes and behavior. We have all sinned and fallen short of God’s standards. Our sin has resulted in the reality of decline, decay, and death. Decline is unavoidable; decay is inevitable; death is imminent. We are guilty of sin and responsible for its consequences.

The awesome truth about God’s grace is that Jesus paid our eternal debt for sin and that we are set free from its ultimate consequences. It is fact that I need only believe in relationship with Jesus Christ for forgiveness of sin that I will spend eternity in fellowship with Christ as a member of His family. When I accept this fact into my life then God is faithful to exercise His grace and my eternity with Him is sealed. My guilt, which is my responsibility, is paid in full.

He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. Psalm 103:12

When I confess my sin, God is faithful and just to forgive me (1 John 1:9). In other words, whenever I am arrested (metaphorically speaking) and brought in by my accuser for questioning, justice has already been served (Christ paid it) and the judge says that I am free to go—every single time. So why do I wrestle so with my guilt?

We tend to lose perspective about guilt. What I mean is that guilt in itself is a point of recognizing and confronting mistakes and unhealthy behavior. We are indeed responsible for our behavior. When we are guilty of making mistakes or causing harm, we have an opportunity to learn from our mistakes and grow in character and maturity.

“That is all well and good that you say God has forgiven me, and has taken me back into relationship with him, but if he really knew the awful things I have done, he would not accept me.” Have you ever felt like that? Shame is borne out of unmet and failed expectations. Whose expectations? Ultimately, it is our own unmet and failed expectations that result in our judgment of ourselves that lead to feeling shame. So many of us cannot forgive ourselves and believe that if we cannot forgive ourselves, how can God forgive us?

While guilt is an opportunity for learning and growth, shame is the distorted internalization of guilt that advances the over-personalizing of our mistakes and wrong doing. What is meant by “over-personalizing” is that if we absorb the guilt into the core character of who we are until we believe we have become the thing we are guilty of—that it somehow defines us. So when guilt says, “I did something wrong,” the evil scheme of shame is to utter, “I can’t do anything right.” When guilt says, “I did a bad thing,” shame says, “I’m a bad person.” When guilt says, “I made a mistake,” shame says, “I am a mistake.” When guilt can admit wrong and say, “I am sorry, please forgive me,” shame insists, “I am unforgivable.” Our shame screams at us, “Loser!” until we believe it about ourselves.

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”
2 Corinthians 7:10

Godly sorrow is healthy responsible conviction of sin that leads to repentance and growth. Worldly sorrow is shame stuck in the mire of failed expectations that promotes decline, decay, and ultimately death. The devil is a roaring lion seeking who he may devour and he uses shame as teeth to rip us to shreds.

A great deal of shame is felt in the open wounds of our past. We seem to make progress in putting the past behind us and then something happens or something is said that rips the wound wide open again. This occurs when the wound hasn’t healed quite yet. These are scabs that have dried up enough so that we can function in our circumstances and relationships, but as soon as the scab is met with some friction, we’re a bloody mess again. Scripture tells us that God has removed our sin as far as the east is from the west, an infinite separation. It’s time to let go of what God has Himself let go of in your life—that being past mistakes. He has declared you innocent. He has fully reinstated you as an heir to all that is His (Luke 15:11-31—the story of the restored prodigal).

What exactly are scars? Scars are evidence of healed wounds. You can see the mark of the wound but it no longer owns you. Healed wounds are rendered powerless by the grace of God as we experience freedom in surrendered (body, mind, heart and soul), committed relationship with Jesus Christ.

What we must learn is that when we live according to God’s expectations, according to what the Bible says about His expectations, we need only to let go of our own failures and rest in the compassionate mercy of our Sympathetic Savior (Hebrews 4:14-16). When we approach the throne of God where Jesus sits (He’s not on the cross anymore), confident in our relationship with Him, then He replaces our guilt with His peace.

“When our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts.” (1 John 3:20)

Caged by Shame (Redemptive Healing)

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project

The two-headed enemy of recovery is our sin nature and the devil himself. This enemy had a baby, and called it ‘shame’. Shame sets out to hold recovering sin addicts in captivity. Shame is a sinister device of the devil that fans the flame of slavery to addictive sin and all of its consequences. As we determine to hold on to memories of the past that lead to our sorrow, the result is the sabotage of restorative recovery. There is no doubt that we have all made mistakes and need to claim responsibility for our behavior. However, there needs to be a clear distinction between guilt, which when addressed properly can lead to repentance and growth; and shame, which takes self-obsessed addicts into a cycle of failure that is ultimately fatal. Shame is the filter that distorts thoughts and feelings leading to destructive behavior and harmful consequences.

I treated a client that I will call Deloris, who was sexually and emotionally abused in her pre-adolescent years. She had been bound up for years with bitterness and unforgiveness due to the horrific memories that had caused her deep indelible pain, leaving her with open wounds for more than twenty years. Over the course of a year or so, Deloris had been drinking hard liquor heavily on a daily basis. She effectively hid her alcohol use so that her family did not know the severity of her problem. Her husband did not comprehend that his wife had this secret.

Her painful past made it difficult to be vulnerable to the people she loved. In moments when she would relive memories of her past in her thoughts, Deloris would tend to take it out on whoever came into her path. As she spent more time struggling with memories, she drank to numb the pain brought on by bitter hateful feelings leading to vengeful thoughts and verbally abusive behavior. She vented her inner rage on people mercilessly about things that did not matter much. Deloris hated that she did this to people who had nothing to do with her past. Alcohol became a friend to her. Drinking seemed to help for a spell, but she was becoming more and more stuck in the addictive process of self-medicating trying to minimize whatever pain she was feeling so that she might not inflict so much pain on those she cared about.

While in treatment, Deloris and her family bought a dog, a cute little puppy I’ll call Candi. She was thrilled to be able to love and care for Candi. Deloris had not had a drink in almost three weeks since beginning treatment, but remaining sober was difficult. Treatment was intense. Candi, this new friend in Deloris’s life, gave her something else to do to occupy idle time. However, Candi had a problem. This puppy relieved herself constantly and would make messes all over Deloris’s house. They would let Candi outside to do her business, but then when she came back in they had to keep her in a cage so that she would not make that kind of mess all over the house. The puppy still managed to mess up her cage, which did not adequately contain her mess, and which seemed to spread through the cage onto the kitchen floor, cabinets, etc. Even after making her mess outside, she came back in and promptly went another round while in her cage. Deloris reported that, while her husband and pre-adolescent son were patient and understanding, they agreed as a family that it was all quite disgusting. As much as Deloris loved her pup, her nerves were wearing thin. She was constantly cleaning up after the dog’s mess. Anyone who attempted to get involved with cleaning Candi’s mess tended to get messed up as well.

After a week or two of this pattern of Candi messing herself up and everyone else who got in her way, Deloris and her husband decided to get rid of the cage to see how Candi might manage without the cage. Candi immediately stopped relieving herself in the house after doing her business outside. It turns out that the only time Candi made messes in the house around the family was when she faced the prospect of having to re-enter her cage. When Deloris and her husband got rid of Candi’s cage, she was rid of the mess. Getting rid of the cage, though, was not easy. It required risk, which involved a process of letting go of what seemed to be their only means of containing the mess from spreading through the house.

This discovery led to a therapeutic revelation in treatment. Deloris was making a mess whenever she re-entered the cage of her past. When she dwelled on a feeling linked to a painful memory, Deloris made a mess on herself and on anyone else who happened to be around while she was in her cage of painful memories. Anyone who thought they could help her while she was in her cage would get messed on as my client relieved herself, metaphorically speaking of course, all over them, including her husband and son.

While in treatment, Deloris realized she needed to ask God to help her to let go of the shame of her past and exit her cage of shame. Deloris would always remember her past, but God could and is helping her to let go of the ongoing bitterness and anger that she’s been carrying. She was also holding onto the shame of things that she was led to believe about herself. Our last session was the week of Good Friday and we were able to focus on letting go of something she was powerless to manage on her own, and allow Jesus Christ to take it to the cross with him, so she could be free to live and love those who have faithfully loved her through such a difficult time in her life.

As you recognize you are powerless to change the past and are able let go of the thing that has imprisoned you, and trust God to release you from your cage of shame, he promises to fill the void. The love, peace, and joy of God can replace the pain of your past. You are allowed to make mistakes with knowledge and understanding that you are forgiven. When the love of God is alive in you, you can experience conviction in your heart that helps you to learn and grow from a mistake, even a painful mistake.

“I Don’t Love Me”… Oh Yes You Do (Restoring Self-Esteem)

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project

“You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength… Love your neighbor as yourself. No other commandment is greater than these.”
Mark 12:30-31 (NLT)

How do I love my neighbor… my brother… my children… if I don’t love myself?

The thing is, to not love, care, or have concern for yourself would mean that you are indifferent and completely and purely unmotivated out of absolute selflessness to do or be anything. You need to let that marinate and soak in for a bit since on the surface it may not seem to make much sense.

Unmotivated to do what? It doesn’t matter. To deny yourself from an absolute disposition of selflessness without intentions of any kind would ultimately result in your death. What??? What could that possibly mean? To not love yourself would be to be indifferent to your own needs—to care not at all about anything or anyone, beginning with you. Nothing would be of importance to you or necessary in any way. You certainly wouldn’t want anything. I’ll say it again: if you did not love yourself or hold yourself in importance you would be unconditionally indifferent to your own needs.

You might starve. You might dehydrate. Why? Because if you do not care about yourself, no concern for you, why eat or drink? Why do anything? Why not do anything? Why go? Why stop? You would only sleep because you passed out from fatigue. Fatigue from what? From being alive at all, I suppose. There would be no incentive to get up nor to stay in bed. Why would you? Why would you be happy or sad or mad? Why would you be excited or bored? If you itched, why scratch? What would be the point? Why would you be interested? What do you care? Why would you care? You’re indifferent. To not love yourself is to not love at all. So Jesus said to love your neighbor as you love yourself. If your love for self is motivated by anger, resentment, bitterness, jealousy, betrayal, rejection, abandonment, hatred, vengeance, guilt and shame, etc., I suppose that’s pretty messed up.

A little confusing so far making sense of where this is going? Please bear with me because I believe this is critically important for so many who are hurting and struggling with the way they see themselves. I am suggesting that even though you might feel hatred toward yourself for choices you’ve made or how you have reacted to abuses perpetuated against you, that you do have positive regard for yourself motivating you to in some way improve your situation; even if the things you do prove to be destructive against you and others affected in the scope of your activity. Positive regard does not necessarily mean you emote positive feelings for yourself, it does mean that you are important enough to you to do whatever you have to do to “remedy” your discomfort; which may in the end result in increased discomfort and pain.

Even to say that you hate yourself is to admit that you care enough about yourself to hate yourself. And since concern, compassion, and passion fall under the love category, you really have to love yourself to hate yourself. Alright, so maybe that still doesn’t make a whole lot of sense so please continue.

I often have this discussion with clients since they have come to believe that they are addicted to alcohol and drugs and do what they do because they are self-destructive and need to love themselves again. Then I come along and suggest that they already do love themselves and that there is where the problem lies that lands them in prison time and time again.

“How can you suggest that I love myself when I can’t stop hurting myself and those I love and keep ending up in this place I hate?”

Surveys of folks in treatment tend to suggest that most have low self-esteem while indicating higher marks for risk-taking, justification, and rationalizing behavior. I am suggesting that low self-esteem would suggest lack of regard and consideration for one’s own needs but high marks in the other categories mentioned would suggest these prisoners go through a lot of trouble and difficulty attending to their own needs, breaking the law to overcome major obstacles getting in the way of what they believe they want, need, and deserve.

The results of these studies would also suggest that questions regarding self-esteem center around feelings of past abuse and neglect, feeling under- or unappreciated, issues with betrayal and rejection, lack or absence of healthy role models, and so on. If survey questions for self-esteem indicators were measuring attention to one’s own wants and needs and the effort that goes into securing them, the indications for self-esteem would rate much higher.

This question brings us back to the problem of self-centered entitlement. What motivates someone to continue taking risks? Why use drugs and alcohol? Why medicate pain? What break the law? Why forsake loved ones in desperate search for a remedy? What compels a person to do anything, say anything, or go anywhere? What is the motivation?

The motivation is love for self. Wants and needs instinctively evoke emotions that stimulate motivation and intention. All desire comes from a place of self-love. Whether the desire is righteous or unrighteous is beside the point. Desire is always rooted in self-love constantly feeding into a core belief of entitlement.

We all get high—gratified—in our own way. Maybe the high is chemically induced. Maybe the high comes from a cold drink of water or beverage of some kind when my throat is parched. The gratification can come from a meal to satisfy my empty stomach. Maybe the high comes from saying something to you that provokes something nice that you say back to me. Maybe it comes when I say something to you because I am angry and it needed to be said. Maybe the high comes when I experience relief from weariness or pain. You get the idea.

Drug addicts, including alcoholics, often admit that they use because it replaces something that is missing; it’s filling a void of some kind. Addicts will often speak of a history of adversity in their lives; memories perhaps of a tortured past. Most of my clients come from a history of abuse and neglect and grew up to model what they witnessed and experienced. Addicts turned to drugs from a place of really poor self-esteem. People who have ventured in and out of abusive destructive sexual relationships may not feel like they are worth anything at all. They all may have come to not like themselves very much but… that’s right… they in fact have love for themselves. It is love that is sick and selfish and destructive but love nonetheless.

Esteem is defined as “favorable regard… respect… consideration…” Poor or low self-esteem would suggest poor or low regard for self; a lack of self-respect; a lack of consideration for self or one’s well-being. I am not attempting to debunk the whole idea of what self-esteem is or isn’t. I might, however, be suggesting a paradigm shift in how self-esteem is discussed clinically and in general.

We all do what we do in pursuit of something better than what we have and what we are. If what we have are feelings of physiological deprivation, we will seek a remedy to feel better. If we are feeling psychologically deprived and emotionally wanting and needy, we will seek a remedy to feel better. The need for remedy and gratification is not partial or respective of anyone. We are all addicts of pleasure and relief. It is in our nature to protect our innermost self to survive.

Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. James 1:14-15 (NLT)

If I am wounded I need and want healing. If I hurt I need and want relief from the pain. If I am tired I need and want relief from fatigue and weariness by way of relaxation and sleep. If I am anxious I need and want comfort from my anxiety. If I am immobilized by the pain of guilt and shame, then I need to escape the pain. My methods might be painful and destructive to myself and others but make no mistake; I was motivated by my need for something better than what I have and where I am at. And I care enough about myself to be about doing something about it.

The addict, the codependent, the approval seeker, the loner (isolated), the self-protector (insulated), the aggressor, the passivist, the ambitious, the greedy, the fearful, the anorexic, the bulimic, the compulsive eater, the compulsive liar, the victim, the villain, the wounded, the burdened, the lover, the hater, the giver, the taker… despite their differences, all have love for themselves and engage in thinking and behavior that reflect the regard they have for themselves. They each seek gratification of some form on some scale.

The behavioral distinctions between healthy love and sick love (otherwise known as hate) can be found in the following Scripture:

When you follow the desires of your sinful nature—motivated by sick self love—the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these… But the Holy Spirit—who inspires healthy self love—produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control… Galatians 5:19-23 (NLT)

Healthy love produces fruit while sick love produces sin, and sin when full grown gives birth to death. When we talk about sick love for one self, even the feeling of sick love is dark and ugly. Self hatred is the effect of sick love for one self. Whether this is for you or someone you know that is lost in self-destructive thinking and behavior, this matter of sick love versus healthy love of self is of crucial importance and could be a matter of life or death.

Beyond addiction and morally dysfunctional relationship nightmares is the very real problem of suicidal thinking and behavior. The notion that suicide is the ultimate act of morbid self hatred and disgust can be more fully realized in the light of self hatred produced by sick love of self. If it can be communicated to someone in danger of harming them self that perhaps he or she really does care and have concern even for him or her self, and that despite one’s denial of this truth, suicide is actually the desperate act of love, a very sick love for him or her self, maybe… just maybe… the person can be convinced that with help sick love can be converted into healthy love for self. Maybe there’s a chance to fend off a desperate act full of the uncertainty that lurks on the other side of such a desperate act of sick love. Escape from one thing through death might feel certain but escape from a thing is to enter in to something else far less certain; a frightful mystery.

So what really is important to having a healthy love of self?

Important to a healthy love of self is first extending the invitation to Perfect Love to be intimately involved in your life? It is the Spirit of the Living God in the person of Jesus Christ who is Perfect Love. It isn’t merely what He represents or what He can give to your life. He is Perfect Love.

7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. 8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

9 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. 10 This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. 12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

13 And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. 14 Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. 16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other because he loved us first. 1 John 4:7-18 (NLT)

It is in relationship with Christ that we experience healthy love alive in our being. Please believe me when I say that it is not about being religious. Not at all. It’s about knowing Jesus who is Perfect Love. Healthy love is such a precious commodity these days when we are surrounded by such a prevalent culture of sick dysfunctional love.

If you or someone you know is struggling with this today, please share with them the evident truth laid out in this article. It is important to remove the stain of self-hatred and the notion that self hatred need be medicated by remedies that altogether destroy lives. Let it be said that self hatred is sick love and self pity feeding into misdirected misery by way of potions that do no more than to promote even greater misery. It serves no purpose other than increasing your pain and dissatisfaction. If you didn’t care about yourself you would be indifferent toward your inner self at the core and you’re not indifferent. No one is.

“I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference. Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends. Those who are victorious will sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne.” Revelation 3:19-21 (NLT)

“Huh? I thought you said no one is indifferent but then here is this passage from Revelation and Jesus is saying to turn from your indifference.” Jesus is addressing a kind of indifference we might have when it comes to the commands and promises of God in relationship with Him. Because of pride and insecurities, I might not invest much into the life that God has for me. That might be turning a blind eye of indifference should I not know to believe in God because I’ve never really been informed. Should I not comprehend the truth about something I might not know to heed or adhere to what is being said about it. Things are said by people everyday that I do not care about because I simply don’t know to pay attention to them. But I am always paying attention to me on some level.

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7 (NLT)

Especially to someone raging on the inside with anger and hostility; for someone who is afraid to put their head down knowing they can’t sleep with the tumult spinning their thoughts into the deep, or afraid to wake up to the isolated loneliness that comes with another day; Jesus is asking for a chance to calm that sea and ease that burden. If only you would let him in. He is able and will bring peace to a weary heart, and joy to a troubled spirit.

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. James 1:2-5 (NLT)

Let Perfect Love into your life and see what happens. Notice how the spirit of fear in you is changed into something courageous. Wouldn’t it be something if that bitterness your carry turns sweet and you literally sense all that inner resentment melt away as you grow in unveiling wisdom that allows you to see things as they really are from a much “higher” perspective. Wouldn’t it be something to be renewed into something far better than you are that allows you to once again see yourself as God sees you. How does He see you? He looks at you and sees Perfect Love alive within you; seeing the presence and beauty of Jesus all over you. Allow God to renew your mind and restore your joy.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2 (NLT)

The original Greek word for transform is ‘metamorphoo’ from which we get the word metamorphosis. It is the word that means for a caterpillar to change into a butterfly. You might feel sluggish. You might feel heavy and ugly in your spirit. Let God change your mind about yourself. Let Him help you to love yourself again with a healthy love, which you already read produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. What if you believed these things about yourself. Not only would your love for you be healthy but you could love God from a healthy place and love your neighbor with healthy love since you love your self that way.

Wow. Wouldn’t it be something.

Justified… Just if I’d Never Needed a Root Canal

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project

Feels like a failure, I am rotting in decay deep into the root of who I am. I need a root canal to remove the nerve.

God raised him from the dead so that he will never be subject to decay…I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you… Through him everyone who believes is set free from every sin. Acts 13:34, 38

Most of my clients struggle mightily with the issue of guilt, remorse, and regret for so much wrong and evil they have perpetrated in their lives; and against so many people affected by their actions. The man who is really working to change his future in recovery finds himself battling the past and the present in order to even begin his journey into his future. He is a drug dealer, home invader, burglar, street thug, and in some cases, worse. The man that has returned to God through relationship with Jesus has this abscess protruding from his being; he calls it shame. Like rotting tooth decay, the only way to alleviate the disease caused by an overtly sinful lifestyle, he somehow needs to drill deep into the root of his problem to kill the nerve and drain the abscess. The abscess will not on its own drain. It swells out of control.

When it comes to his family, his loved ones see the worst in him again and again and again. He is drunk and high; he is verbally, physically, and emotionally abusive; he is psychologically dominating; he is up to what he is usually up to and then… BOOOOOM! He’s locked up for years. He is humbled by his circumstances, living in a bathroom with another smelly man he doesn’t know, separated by everyone he loves, and now sober in prison, fully aware and emotionally raw and exposed for who he is and what he has done.

The man is able to have articulate conversations with his new “friends”. He is typically angry, mostly at himself, but he is rational and usually considerate. He is sitting in a therapy group for a few hours everyday putting it out there and giving it away. When he is on the phone or in the visiting room with his loved ones… wife, girlfriend, mom, dad, grandma, and especially his kids… he is gracious and loving, kind and giving. He is at his best. As his therapist, one question I ask the man is, “Why is it that those you love only get to see you at your best when you are in jail? Why is it that your prison buddies get your best and not those you love and who love you?” That’s been the pattern. He’s at his best in jail, and then when he gets out and goes home, he returns to the hustle; right back into the mess. He is abusive and hostile to those he loves. Why not give them his best from home… why only at his best in prison?

Perhaps one of the reasons for his failures outside of prison is that psychologically and spiritually he continues to be imprisoned; imprisoned by guilt and shame that leads to all sorts of the other issues and addictions that can enslave a person. It is necessary to see life and the world through a new set of lenses, because if he could see the forest for the trees maybe he wouldn’t keep running head on into the trees. For now, his eyes are caked with mud. He wants what is right and best but he is blind and in search of a safe place to step. He feels like he is still rotting in decay deep into the root of who he is. He is caught up in what he has done, what has been done to him, and is believing the lie that what he has done defines who he is. He has discovered that his twisted values have defined his standard of morality and he is not at all comfortable with that. He wants to change what he believes so that his values are defined by a much higher standard of morality, rooted in truth and love and all that is right and good.

The man is troubled by his sense of identity as to who and what he is. His identity is based on what he has done as the villain, along with what he has endured growing up as the victim of abuse and hostility. There will need to be healing and deliverance, a time for mourning and grieving, some time for processing guilt and shame, and a period for amends and restoration. It will be a project and a miracle for this man to take on the identity as a child of God redeemed for each and every transgression. It won’t be easy to accept that the slate has been wiped clean and he gets to start anew, according to God’s purpose and plan for his life.

Then he (the thief) said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” Luke 23:42-43

Even though his sins may on the surface appear to be more blatantly hostile and disobedient to the purposes of God than mine may appear to be, they are no less wrong, and no less evil compared to the moral standard of godliness. He doesn’t need grace—the undeserved favor of God—any more or less than I do; or than you do. Yet that is where grace comes in and is applied.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.
Romans 5:1-2

If what Paul wrote to the Romans is true, then why don’t I feel at peace? Why I am so ashamed of myself? My unrighteousness affects and hurts other people as well as myself. As I come under conviction considering how severely I have hurt others, especially to those I love and who love me, it causes me pain. I am wrought with guilt and shame. I am compelled to make amends with those I have wronged and wounded. How do I say I am sorry for something I have repeated so often? I don’t think I can. Why would they receive my amends? Why would they forgive me? How can anyone forgive me? Most certainly, how can a just God forgive me? I do not deserve that anyone have mercy on me; especially not God if He truly loves those whom I have harmed repeatedly.

O Lord, don’t rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your rage! Your arrows have struck deep, and your blows are crushing me. Because of your anger, my whole body is sick; my health is broken because of my sins. My guilt overwhelms me—it is a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and stink because of my foolish sins. I am bent over and racked with pain. All day long I walk around filled with grief. A raging fever burns within me, and my health is broken. I am exhausted and completely crushed. My groans come from an anguished heart. You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh. My heart beats wildly, my strength fails, and I am going blind. My loved ones and friends stay away, fearing my disease. Even my own family stands at a distance. The cry of King David, Psalm 38:1-11 (NLT)

One problem I might have is that even as God reaches out to me to help me to change, as broken as I am, I tend to resist Him in the way that I only want God to change me where I hurt. If I have an alcohol or drug problem I want for God to deliver me from drinking so much or from needing to use drugs. If I have an anger problem, I need him to help me not to act out or be abusive when I am angry. If I am sick I need God to help me feel better. If I have had my heart broken I will ask God to help me to move on. But God wants to do so much more. He created me and He loves me. He sent His Son to die for me so that all of the broken places in me that are dying will heal and be transformed into something new. God loves all of me, more of me than merely where it hurts.

“When I was a child I often had a toothache, and I knew if I went to my mother she would give me something which would deaden the pain for that night and let me get to sleep. But I did not go to my mother—at least not until the pain became very bad. And the reason I did not go was this: I did not doubt that she would give the aspirin; but I knew she would also do something else. I knew she would make me go to the dentist the next morning. I could get what I wanted out of her without getting something more, which I did not want. I wanted immediate relief from pain, but I could not get it without having my teeth set permanently right. And I knew those dentists. I knew they started fiddling about with all sorts of other teeth which had not yet begun to ache.”
—C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

In my article, “Under the Influence”, I wrote the following response to C.S. Lewis:

“When you live under the influence of Jesus Christ in your life He is like the dentist. When you are submitted to the transformed life under His influence, God will go beyond the place in your life that aches. He will “fiddle about with all sorts of other teeth” because He knows that these are places that need His touch or they will become even more infected until you cannot move because of the pain and difficulty. What God does is take the things that are old and dying, and transforms them into something new and full of life, beyond what you even know to want for yourself.”

Here’s the deal. I have been justified by faith in relationship with Jesus Christ, as have you if you believe. It is a done deal. Yes, the event of the sacrifice of Jesus, but He did not endure all that he did so that I would continue to wallow in guilt and shame. He went through all that He did so that I would live in peace and joy full of love in my heart.

The definition of justify is as follows:

• To demonstrate or prove to be just, right, or valid;
• To declare free of blame; absolve;
• To be free of the guilt and penalty attached to grievous sin.

So to be justified by faith in relationship with Christ is to be made right in relationship with Christ. To be justified by faith in relationship with Christ is to be absolved, declared free of blame in relationship with Christ. Jesus Christ has set you and me free of the guilt and penalty attached to grievous sin. This is our hope in relationship with Jesus. The Bible declares that through the sacrifice of His Son, God has declared us innocent of unrighteousness and so it is “just-if-I’d” never sinned at all, and “just-if-I” never sin again. I am justified by faith. Without faith I will continue in hopeless shame walking aimlessly in the guilt of my transgressions, according to me; not according to the Word of God.

Even King David understood this. This man deemed “a man after God’sown heart” struggled with sin, much of what anyone would consider to be evil and disgusting, including betrayal, adultery, other forms of sexual sin, and murder. Yet whenever David repented, he recognized that as a king, the only real consequence of his sin that really mattered was spiritual and eternal. He did harm to a lot of people but it was only sin against the One who judges sin.

Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just.
Psalm 51:4

David understood that no matter how egregious his sin, once he confessed his sin it was over. His intention was repentance, to turn away from his sin in pursuit of righteousness. When you read through the Psalms you even get the impression that David understood the grace coming through the promised Messiah, as if he had a deep and uniquely personal relationship with God the Son (who wouldn’t be called Jesus until He was revealed in the flesh as a human being). It can be difficult to understand how David could continue in his sin while he had such intimacy in relationship with God—that is until I consider that it isn’t so difficult for me to continue in my sin considering my relationship with God and that, for some reason strange to me, He has chosen to communicate truth to thousands of people through me, ever the hypocrite.

“The Lord rewarded me for doing right; he restored me because of my innocence… I am blameless before God; I have kept myself from sin. The Lord rewarded me for doing right. He has seen my innocence.” 2 Samuel 22:21, 24-25

Considering the hedonistic lifestyle of the king at the expense of so many people, including loved ones, David’s proclamation of innocence sounds arrogant, if not inaccurate. David even suggested that he had not violated any of God’s laws. The promise and hope of grace was so realized in the forgiven spirit of David that he believed in the promise that his sins had been removed as far as the east is from the west.

But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
1 John 1:9 (NLT)

For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. For Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are.
Psalm 103:11-14 (NLT)

Apparently, David had deep insight into the truth about justification in his relationship with God, and as I suggested, deeply engaged with the Spirit of the Son of God. According to God’s Word, the hope of the promise good for David—that he was set free and no longer subject to decay unto death, is just as good, relevant, and applicable for you and for me.

We tell you the good news: What God promised our ancestors he has fulfilled for us, their children, by raising up Jesus. As it is written in the second Psalm: “You are my son; today I have become your father.” God raised him from the dead so that he will never be subject to decay. As God has said, “I will give you the holy and sure blessings promised to David.” So it is also stated elsewhere: “You will not let your holy one see decay.” Now when David had served God’s purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep; he was buried with his ancestors and his body decayed. But the one whom God raised from the dead did not see decay. Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Through him everyone who believes is set free from every sin, a justification you were not able to obtain under the law of Moses. Acts 13:32-39

If I am no longer subject to decay as consequence of my sin (it’s no longer mine since Jesus took ownership of it), why would I think and behave as though I am decaying? If the root of the nerve from sin in my life has already been deadened by the merciful grace of God, why would I be thinking that I still need a root canal to deaden the nerve? That is what I do when I resist the reality of the mercy of God because what I have done is so awful that I have determined that even God can not possibly forgive me since I have disqualified myself from being loved by Him.

And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:5-8

What is left for you and for me is to let go of what is no longer ours to begin with. Jesus took our sin and disposed of it through His sacrifice… before we were born to commit sin in the first place. To hold on to my guilt is actually a matter of pride. It is selfish, not humble, to continue to wallow in the mire of guilt. What feeds into feeling guilty is the weight of still sinning. That is the power of justification. We are already forgiven for sin we have yet to commit. It isn’t a license to sin, but it is a kind of insurance policy, if you will.

Jesus found him… and told him, “Now you are well; so stop sinning, or something even worse may happen to you.” John 5:14

When in a relationship with Jesus Christ, while I may continue to sin, I am under conviction and will confess my sin with the intention of repenting of it. Why do I say ‘intention’? I suppose it’s an admission that my repentant mindset and behavior isn’t as consistent as I wish it was. The problem with the man Jesus healed in John chapter five (the man couldn’t walk) is that he may have been engaging in sinful behavior with a heart that was hostile to the will of God, in betrayal against having relationship with Him. What God wants with us is relationship. In relationship with God we will appreciate the loving kindness that affords us grace and mercy. If that were the case with the man who’d been healed of paralysis, perhaps he would have shown more appreciation for what Christ had done for him.

The same can be said for experiencing God’s forgiveness. The incarcerated men I work with experience something powerful as the stream of God’s forgiveness courses through their being. Their issue with guilt doesn’t resist it because by then they are overcome by love. It is a force by then that the hardest of criminals can’t help but immerse themselves into the love they have longed for all of their lives. These men seem to appreciate the forgiveness of their Savior so much more acutely and deeply than I seem to.

36 When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. 37 A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. 38 As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. 39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.” 40 Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said.

41 “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” 43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

48 Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” 49 The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?” 50 Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” Luke 7:36-47

Whether a prisoner like my clients, a murderous adulterer like David, or someone like you or me, we have been forgiven the same. We have all been justified by faith no matter our sin. Since some feel emotionally like a greater weight has been lifted, they will perhaps have a greater sense of gratitude. The person rescued from certain death might be more grateful than the person spared a little harm, even though the harm would have led to something fatal. That feeling of gratitude, whether intense or casual tends to mask the fact that we have all actually been rescued from certain death because of Christ’s sacrifice.

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin—because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.
Romans 6:1-2, 6-7

The promise is that having been justified by faith, I can now live by faith that I have been acquitted of a lifetime of sinful thinking and behavior. I have sinned against God and God alone. He sent His son to take possession—ownership—of my sin and then through great sacrifice disposed of it. God looks upon me and sees Jesus resurrected, innocent and blameless, holy and made perfect. It’s not even up to me except to accept his mercy as oh so real and true. What is up to me is to have faith in the facts. I choose to embrace this truth. As I come to believe more fully in God as my higher power restoring me, surrendered daily to living out His purpose for me, then I can begin to reach out to those I have harmed and begin the process of reconciliation and hopefully restoration.

What about you? Let go, today, of what isn’t yours. Accept that you are no longer subject to decay. In Christ, you’re not breaking down, you’re being regenerated and built up. That is freedom that comes through the reality of experiencing the empowerment of a justified life.

He (Abraham) did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.” The words “it was credited to him” were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification. Romans 4:20-25

Come to Your Senses (Restorative Recovery)

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project and NLX 101…

If you haven’t already, I recommend that you read the articles posted to FFMP entitled, Guilt and Shame, Scabs and Scars and Caged by Shame. These articles speak to the matter of guilt and shame and the differences between them. Guilt can be a vehicle for restored health by recognizing mistakes, learning from them, and taking responsibility to initiate changes and implement healthy disciplines for the purpose of repentance and growth. Shame, on the other hand, is the device of our internal self-centered devices, as well as a primary vehicle of our spiritual adversary to drive us into ourselves, internalizing our flaws and failures, and even the circumstances in our world to somehow define us to the point that we buy in to irrational beliefs about it all. Shame is the driving force behind self-condemnation that ultimately debilitates and ruins us.    

 

Jesus knew this matter of self-condemnation would be a problem for us so he told us about a very wealthy father who had two sons. One of his son’s became uncomfortable with all that he had, and the way things were, and chose to leave and do his own thing his own way. He asked his dad if he could receive right now the inheritance that he would receive when his father died. Then, he thought he would have it all, everything he needed, and he would not be uncomfortable. Besides, money and possessions would mean power and control. Driven by an escalated sense of entitlement, the son would be able to do what he wanted, when he wanted to do it, without anyone telling him what to do. He wanted the control of his own life and destiny, motivated by discontentment, in order to minimize his discomfort.   

 

Jesus said, “A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Give the portion of goods that falls to me.’ So he divided to them his livelihood. And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living.” Luke 15:11-13 (NKJV)  

 

“I was so obsessed with me and the reasons that I might be dissatisfied that I couldn’t focus on other people… What I trace this to is a certain selfishness on my part.” —Barack Obama

The son left his family, and everything that was good, well, and secure, to go do his own thing. The problem, though, was that all this power and control was as addictive then as it is today. He could not stop once his brain was fueled by lust and greed and put into drive. It took more of his self-centered pursuits in an addictive lifestyle to overcome discomfort and dissatisfaction. This young adult man was so obsessed with the reasons of his dissatisfaction and repeatedly made destructive lifestyle choices necessary to conquer his problem. The Bible says he wasted what he had on “prodigal” living, including his participation in drunken sexual escapades with prostitutes.   

 

Words that describe “prodigal” living are: wayward, meaningless, self-indulgent, riotous, corrupt, wasteful, reckless, uncontrolled, degenerate, immoral, wicked, and depraved, to name a few. These words might also be descriptive of lifestyle patterns of our addictive behavior from lifestyle choices to address our obsession with dissatisfaction.

But then this son began to squander and lose everything he had and was lost in the cycle of addictive living. There are those stuck in addiction that know exactly what I am talking about, and others in recovery from addiction that know exactly what I am talking about. As we become more and more indulgent in addictive behavior, it develops into a lifestyle and the problems mount and life becomes a continuous struggle just to survive. Self-indulgent, reckless behavior may appear to be a good time at the beginning, but as it becomes a pattern of behavior and evolves into a lifestyle, the trappings of an uncontrolled addictive lifestyle and culture creep in a little at a time until they take over, and the addictive lifestyle costs outweigh its benefits.

This is what the lost son in the Bible came to understand as well. Not only did he experience the direct effects of an addictive lifestyle that contributed to his destruction in life, but there was an occurrence that came out of left field that he did not expect. He had already run low on his resources when a famine hit the land and wiped out whatever resources he had left.

“But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country who sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would have gladly filled his stomach with the pods (husks, shells) that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything. Luke 15:14-16 (NKJV)  

  

Addicts in pain understand that this is how it is. It’s bad enough that our behavior as self-absorbed addicts has its direct effects but then we often find ourselves in the wrong place at the wrong time and it goes from bad to worse and then even worse. For the lost prodigal son that Jesus was talking about, a famine had hit the area where he made his home at the worst possible time, and it left him with nothing. He had to get a job caring for the pigs of an acquaintance. He could not even afford to eat the same “food” that he fed those pigs.    

 

When he was with his dad, he had it all. His father was a wealthy man who treated his sons well and blessed them from the love in his heart that a father has for his sons. When this son ran off with his portion of his father’s wealth without the loving guidance of his father, he couldn’t handle it. He took what was meant for good and chose unwisely and poorly, resulting in his undoing.  

 

Do you remember that Adam and Eve had it all, everything in the garden God provided them, but became uncomfortable when it was brought to their attention that they could have more? Do you remember that they essentially wanted the one thing that God had that in their hands would be their doom? God knew what they could not handle. They chose unwisely and poorly, and it was their undoing. Jesus tells this story of a man that bit a lot more than what he could chew, and, like Adam and Eve, what he bit into got the best of him, almost killing him.   

 

Listen to what Jesus says about this young man who lost everything and how his father responded.

 

“But when he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food enough to spare, and I perish with hunger? I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against God and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.’ And he arose and went to his father.

But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had great compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father I have sinned against God and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.” Luke 15:17-24 (NKJV)

 

Here is an opportunity to introduce the ABC principles of recovery right here in this wonderful story of the activation of the promise of God to empower us in recovery when we admit, believe, and commit. These are the necessary steps to help us recognize the responsibility for our mistakes, for which we are indeed guilty. Once we come to believe that the one we are responsible to, loves us enough to forgive us, it becomes bearable to admit our mistakes without the hopeless shame we tend to link with our failures—failed expectations.

 

Admit – The son admitted his way of handling what his father had given him did not work. The Bible says he came to his senses. I believe the son hit rock bottom and hurt bad enough to seek help. I suppose there was a period of ambivalence where he may have been conflicted between the pleasure he experienced with his booze, drugs and women; and the life of peace and stability he could have if he turned from his ways and returned to what he knew was of greater benefit. This really hit home with him when he realized that even his dad’s hired help had been better cared for than the care he was getting on his own (Luke 15:17).  

 

Believe – The son believed that his father could care for him in a way that no one else could and that the only resolution to his mess was to return to his dad, admit that he blew it, and ask for forgiveness in the hope that his father would indeed forgive him (Luke 15:17-18). He believed that becoming dependent on his father was his only real hope for a new life of recovery. He believed in his heart (his gut, his inner man) that his dad’s way worked.   

 

Commit – The son did not just talk about what he needed to do to be restored by his father into a place of recovery, rather he committed himself to doing it. He left the addictive lifestyle that left him hungry and devastated, and returned to the one who could rescue him from himself. In fact, he committed to the care and also the will of his father, when he said, “Make me like one of your servants.” (Luke 15:19) The son was humbled and willing to do whatever it took to be successful in his recovery. Truth be told, he did what he had to do for a meal. But recovery was the payoff.

Best Robe – Upon arriving, the father immediately had his servants bring his son the best robe. The best robe in this story represents the robe of righteousness.The father was committed to helping in his son’s recovery. The son was lost in his own choices and behavior. He was dead in his shame. His father expressed compassionate mercy becoming reconciled with his son by covering him with his own righteousness. In other words, it was the goodness of the father that made his son good. The son would no longer carry the weight of his shame since his father removed it and replaced it with his goodness. The best robe of righteousness that Father God has put on us to cover our sin is his son, Jesus Christ. We wear the righteousness of Jesus when we return to our Father who is in heaven. 

 

Signet Ring – The father then ordered that a ring be placed on his son’s finger. The ring was a signet ring that meant that the son was restored into the family once again as an heir to his father’s estate. This is an astounding statement of a father’s love for his son—“Everything that is mine is yours, my son”. Everything the father owned would once again be inherited by his son now that the son’s debt of disobedience was forgiven. This reconciliation meant that there was full recovery of their relationship.

 

Sandals – The son arrived barefoot and his dad had the servants put sandals on his feet. Only permanent members of the family wore sandals, while the employees were barefoot in the master’s house. The sandals were a symbol of affirmation that the young man was back home. He no longer was the lost son—the dead son—but was alive. He was the found son. He was family.

 

Feast – Finally, the father told his servants to kill and prepare the fatted calf for a feast. This meant that they would be celebrating a very special occasion. The father proclaimed with joy, “My son was dead (in his independence from the father) and is alive again (in his dependence on the father). He was lost (in addictive shame) and now is found (in relationship). Let’s celebrate!” (Luke 15:24).

 

The point of this story is to recognize that Jesus is talking about our relationship with God. We are born into this world with the opportunity to submit to God in the person of Jesus Christ who has it all, and desires to show his favor on us and bless us with the riches of heaven. He wants us to be full of life. So why do we continually squander what God desires for us when we determine to live life our own way in an effort to minimize our discontented mindset? Why do we fall prey to selfish sin, and allow it to take hold of us?   

 

We have a fallen nature prone to addictive sin—the logical cause and effect of compensating for our dissatisfaction and the failed expectations we have of ourselves. It takes over our lifestyle until it finally ruins us and we hit bottom. When we finally hurt badly enough, we might just admit that we are powerless and are resigned to die in our shame. We must reach out to God who loves us more than we can know. He is compassionate, always faithful to forgive us and give us a shot at a new life through his plan of recovery, which begins by restoring us into relationship with him. Our way of thinking leads to disorder (James 3:16) and emptiness, while God’s way of recovery leads to peace and fulfillment. When we finally comprehend that letting go of our failed expectations means submitting to the will of our Sympathetic Savior Jesus Christ, we can know that he has set our captive hearts free. It is in submitting to recovery God’s way that we can finally realize freedom.     

 

God cannot wait to set us free. He wants to set you free from your addiction to you. When he receives us back into his family, he showers us with his incredible love through blessings from heaven. Whenever one who was lost returns home to the family, there is a party in heaven. It is at home that we are free. All that is his is ours, freely given by him.

 

“I say to you there is joy in heaven in the presence of angels over one sinner who repents.” Luke 15:10 (NKJV)  

 

Permanent of God’s family

One fact validated by the words of Jesus Christ himself is that he has the authority to set us free once and for all and that we are adopted into his family permanently. God has adorned you and me with the robe of Christ’s righteousness. He has placed the ring of the inheritance of the full blessings of heaven onto our fingers, and has placed sandals on our feet, spiritually speaking, as indicative of our position as permanent members of the family of God. Jesus said,   

 

“A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is part of the family forever. So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.” John 8:35-36 (NLT)  

 

Our problem is that we don’t readily accept that we are slaves of anything until we are wiped out by it, and drowning in the wake of its shame. Receive this word today. Let it resonate with you. Freedom comes from knowing Jesus. He has liberated us from a life of addiction to sin and shame. Quit crawling back into the cage of shame clinging to the memories and methods of your past. Let it go. Let go of failed expectations and reach out to Jesus. Let him heal your wounds. His expectation for you is that you receive forgiveness from him and live with peace and joy in his grace.   

 

We all eventually understand the reality of hell we are living in. The prodigal son from the Bible came to believe in hell when his circumstances deteriorated to the extent that he was coveting the food he was feeding pigs. He knew hell when he had lost everything due to his addiction to overcoming dissatisfaction.  

 

The point is that it does us absolutely no good not to give your shame to Jesus Christ to free you from it. Let the price that Jesus paid for your addictive sin be enough. Receive his forgiveness and be free to start a new life. Be willing to let go of all of it and let God love you. Submit your life to his compassionate mercy. Let go and let Jesus take you upward from your hell into a new stable life of peace, freedom, and joy.